# 5 month old puppy is shy with people



## buttonsl (Jun 22, 2011)

Hi! I have an amazing 5 month old Belgian Shepherd puppy. She is very smart, well behaved, and great with other dogs. The only problem I'm having is that she is shy with strangers. I have tried everything I can think of but I don't know how to get her more comfortable with strangers. She doesn't care that they're there and she is becoming interested in approaching and sniffing their legs or feet, but as soon as they reach a hand out for her to sniff or to pet her she jumps back. 

She has made a lot of progress to the point that she is fine in crowds and fine and comfortable having people all around her so long as they don't try to touch her. She takes treats from them and with some people she lets them pet her while she eats it. But not most people and definitely not men. I don't know how to move forward. I have been able to get her comfortable around people and taking treats, but she is just not okay being touched by most strangers. I can pet her anywhere and so can anyone she is comfortable with. 

I have tried several things to boost her confidence, including going to puppy agility classes, training her to heel and sit (so she has a job when people are there and she knows what to expect), and even telling people not to touch her for now. She seems to progress for a few days then just fall back to the same routines. I have done lots of socializing, going to kids sporting events, schools, and farmers markets. I think this is why she doesn't mind crowds any more. 

Does anyone have any suggestions about what to try next?


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## JuneBud (Feb 17, 2010)

Don't push her. Why are you particularly interested in having strangers pet her? The way you describe her, she is reacting very well. She just doesn't like strangers touching her. Can't blame her for that. Having strangers touch her when she doesn't want it puts her under too much pressure. Also, even just reaching a hand out to a dog can be intimidating. I'd keep the treats flowing around strangers and crowds, keep socializing her, but don't pressure her into allowing strangers to pet her and don't let them reach out. Have them throw her a treat. She may eventually decide strangers are good and solicit petting. If she doesn't, I'd just let it go. Sounds to me like you have a great puppy who is doing very well. 

I'd be perfectly happy if my puppy reacted like yours. Mine doesn't want to be touched either, but he reacts with aggression. I wish he'd just back away. I don't let anyone try to touch him. Whenever I see a dog, no matter how cute and friendly he looks, I always ignore him and wait for him to come to me. That takes the pressure off the dog and allows him to sniff and get to know me and decide for himself if he wants to get friendly. Sometimes they walk away satisfied with a sniff, sometimes they nudge your hand for a pet.

I don't mean this to sound harsh, and I'm sorry if it does, but think of it like this: Would WE want strangers to come up and pet us? Would we allow it with our children? Would we expect our cat to allow a stranger to pet her? Sometimes I wonder why dogs are expected to be so friendly to everyone.


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## lil_fuzzy (Aug 16, 2010)

My puppy is the same way. He's not scared of strangers, and he will quite happily go up to them to sniff them, but if they reach for him he cowers or jumps away. He was very well socialised, so I know he's not scared of them. I consider him 'aloof'. He just doesn't care much about interacting with strangers, he will mostly just ignore them when given a choice.

I don't see anything wrong with that, some dogs just aren't social butterflies. As long as the dog isn't scared and isn't showing any aggression or anything weird like that, then I would say to just leave it alone. Strangers don't need to pat your dog. If they do, the most I would expect is for the dog to tolerate it, they don't have to like it.


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## buttonsl (Jun 22, 2011)

I want to show her and do obedience with her so she needs to stand for examinations. I don't need her to love strangers, frankly I'd rather she just tolerates them. That's what Belgians are supposed to do. I just need to get her to a place where she doesn't shy away from hands coming towards her.


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## JuneBud (Feb 17, 2010)

Oh, that's different. Do you have her trained to stack yet? You might stack her and then keep her attention with her favorite treat while a helper assists you with desensitization. It wouldn't be actual petting - more like going to the vet. How does she do at the vet's office? Hopefully someone with experience showing can give you some more tips. I've seen some dogs that seem to flinch while being examined and I'll bet their owners had to do some work to get their dogs to allow the exam. I'm sure someone around here has some ideas.


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## lil_fuzzy (Aug 16, 2010)

Standing for examination is only loosely related to liking being touched by strangers. You can teach it like a trick, have her stand, then have someone walk up to her to touch her, but stop at the point where she's just noticing the stranger and before she gets uncomfortable with the stranger approaching. At that point, release and have a big game with her, so stranger approaching = big fun game. Gradually the stranger will be able to get closer and closer before you release her.


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## Puddin's Training Tips (Apr 9, 2011)

buttonsl said:


> they reach a hand out for her to sniff or to pet her she jumps back.





buttonsl said:


> They should not be reaching out at her. This makes shy dogs more uncomfortable. Coach them on how to approach your dog. Or don't let them if they don't want to listen to you.
> 
> 
> 
> ...


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

The normal time for socializing with people is before 3 mos, you're in a fear stage right now. Keep exposing her to friendly people, but don't force it, and in about a month or two - about 7 - 8 mos, she'll relax a bit


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## buttonsl (Jun 22, 2011)

thanks everyone! I have tried saying not to pet her but people don't seem to listen all the time. Some people then try to go behind me and sneak up on her... I REALLY don't get that. I have stopped going to the place where that seemed to happen a lot. she is getting particulary good with girls and women but not with men. I guess if I keep having her around people but not push her too much, keeping her near the endge of her comfort zone that will be best. I find it awkward to suggest to people how to approach her, especially because some of my neighbours don't speak English that well. 

It also seems like she is taking 3 steps forward then two back sometimes. I guess it will just take time and work- I just don't want her to be shy forever


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## Puddin's Training Tips (Apr 9, 2011)

buttonsl said:


> thanks everyone! I have tried saying not to pet her but people don't seem to listen all the time. Some people then try to go behind me and sneak up on her... I REALLY don't get that


Uuugh!! I hate it when people do that!! I have that issue all the time with my shy adult dogs. I even had it with my reactive 60 pound Akita mix when he was living. People would try to pet him when he was barking at them!! Stupid strangers are the hardest part of a training program.

I've found that being nice is the worst thing to do. While you are trying to explain why they can't pet your dog, they are still coming. 

Jean Donaldson says to tell people "Mange! He has Mange!" 
My friend (who has friendly dog) tells people that his dog has dog herpes. He says it works every time. 

I've found that putting my hands out like a traffic cop works very well on kids.




> I find it awkward to suggest to people how to approach her


So do I but that's the deal if you want to socialize with my dogs. My dogs well being is way more important to me than whether or not I hurt some stranger's feelings. 
But I've found that coaching non-knowledgeable or hard-headed people actually does very little good. If I say, please turn to the side when you approach, they still appraoch my dog head on. If I say "your scare dogs when you stick you hands in their face that way" they continue sticking their hands there and asking if the dog bites.

So if folks don't want to listen, just happily turn around in an arc and walk off. Be sure to be happy and jolly about it, you can even giggle and talk baby talk while you are doing it so your pup doesn't pick up on the bed vibes.



> especially because some of my neighbours don't speak English that well.


That's a tough one. Just get yourself a language dictionary or ask somone to help you find out how to say "I'm sorry" in your neighbor's language. Then the next time you have the issue just say "I'm sorry" and walk off. If you want to give more explanation, then figure out the word for "mange" or "herpes," or "trained attack dog" and walk off.

Also, one thing that i'm working on, when I get a "ninja petter" - the ones who jump out no-where. I have to force myself to not yank my dog away from the rude, inconsiderate person. This will just make your dog more afraid of people. Not saying your are doing it, but it's just a reflex thing with me that I'm getting much better at.


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