# Foster mom seems to be over stepping bounds



## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

I have adopted a 3 year old American Bulldog/Boxer mix. He was found as a strey and fostered. Well there are some issues I have been having with his foster mom. 

When we picked him up I was a lil disappointed. Come to find out she was only feeding him once a day and he was skinny. You could see his backbone sticking up and his ribs. She was a very high anxiety person and it was making him very anxious. Once we got him in our home with us he calmed right down and was so very hungry. We have been having a bit of a problem that when she came to visit and see how he was doing he got very high anxiety and it took aobut an hour for him to chill out after she left. I don't want to limit her visiting but it seems that it stresses him out. She will come in the hosue squealing very high pitched and jumping up and down around him. I'm not menaing to complain I lvoe her for everything she has done for him and us but there is a point where it upsets him. Now that he has gained some weight and looks better she has told me that he needs to be on a diet and that he is fat. 

I don't want to be rude but I think we need a bit you know. Let me know what you think and how the best way to tell her to back off and not to squeal like that at him. I know that it's hard being a foster mom and to watch that dog get adopted.


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## Wynpyp (Sep 19, 2008)

So is he officially yours? Did you finish the adoption process?


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## PattyU (Jan 16, 2009)

This is the main reason I'm shying away from any rescue that says they want to do follow-up visits after the adoption. Is the foster parent in charge of the rescue organization or is she just one of many foster parents within a larger organization. If I were you, I may talk to the rescue organization about the under-feeding if you feel she could be a risk to other fosters. I would tell her that according to the vet. he was severely underweight when you got him and he is just right now or something like that. How often does she want to visit and did you agree to a certian number of visits when you adopted?


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Wynpyp said:


> So is he officially yours? Did you finish the adoption process?


Yes he is officially mine.



PattyU said:


> This is the main reason I'm shying away from any rescue that says they want to do follow-up visits after the adoption. Is the foster parent in charge of the rescue organization or is she just one of many foster parents within a larger organization. If I were you, I may talk to the rescue organization about the under-feeding if you feel she could be a risk to other fosters. I would tell her that according to the vet. he was severely underweight when you got him and he is just right now or something like that. How often does she want to visit and did you agree to a certian number of visits when you adopted?


The rescue that put his picture up would not take him in cause he was not a full boxer. They will not take mixes. She is just the person that found him and held onto him till the new owners came along to adopt. When I talked to the rescue I told them aobut him and what was happeneing and becuase she was not one of their "regular" fosters that she prolly will not have any though them. 

I had tole her that she could call or email and maybe once in a while have a play date. There was no certian ammount of visits set up. She accually popped by the house without calling or letting me know today and that upset me a bit.


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## Wynpyp (Sep 19, 2008)

If I were you, I would tell her nicely that she needs to call or email you to set up a time that would work for you if she wants to pay a visit. I would also tell her nicely that she can not stop by unannounced. Explain to her what you have observed and what the vet has said about him. Also explain to her that you 2 are bonding and that you think it may be in his(your dog) best interest if visits were kept to a minimum. That is what I would do 

I'm not sure what I would do if she was unreceptive about everything, considering she does know where you live. Hopefully someone else here will have some advice.


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Wynpyp said:


> If I were you, I would tell her nicely that she needs to call or email you to set up a time that would work for you if she wants to pay a visit. I would also tell her nicely that she can not stop by unannounced. Explain to her what you have observed and what the vet has said about him. Also explain to her that you 2 are bonding and that you think it may be in his(your dog) best interest if visits were kept to a minimum. That is what I would do
> 
> I'm not sure what I would do if she was unreceptive about everything, considering she does know where you live. Hopefully someone else here will have some advice.


Thank you so much. I will send her an email and point that out very nicely to her like you ahve suggested. Like I said I feel bad cause she did help the dog but she did also do some damage. Basically I didn't want to hurt anyone but it's hurting me and him in the long run to do things her way. Thanks again
Tiff


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## Thracian (Dec 24, 2008)

Hope it goes well. I agree that it's not cool for her to come over without prior notice/invitation.

Thanks for rescuing!


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Thracian said:


> Hope it goes well. I agree that it's not cool for her to come over without prior notice/invitation.
> 
> Thanks for rescuing!



Thank you!! I think I just needed some back up from you guys it helped a lot. I couldnt imagine being without him he's settled in so well with us. I work from home and he's my buddy for sure


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## BandPipe (Feb 19, 2009)

I help with a rescue that breaks all contacts with previous owners (except for unusual circumstances). It is very difficult on the dog and they get very confused. 

I don't think it is wrong to tell her that she is crossing the lines. I would just remind her that every dog is different and needs a different situation to work for them. It is a difficult situation for sure. 

Our rescue does call or visit after adopting out but it is never the foster mom who had the dog. It is always a different volunteer.


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

BandPipe said:


> I help with a rescue that breaks all contacts with previous owners (except for unusual circumstances). It is very difficult on the dog and they get very confused.
> 
> I don't think it is wrong to tell her that she is crossing the lines. I would just remind her that every dog is different and needs a different situation to work for them. It is a difficult situation for sure.
> 
> Our rescue does call or visit after adopting out but it is never the foster mom who had the dog. It is always a different volunteer.


I totally agree. Thank you

I had tried to talk to the foster mom very nicely about the situation. She said I can't keep her dog from her and that she had him for 2 years so he's more her dog than mine. That upset me so I finally said please do not come over without emailing and ASKING first and please do not email or call several times a day. I do have my own business and I am the only person that woorks and runs it. My hubby does help but he has a full time job. I have been so busy with work. Then she told me she will come get him back cause I don't have the time for him. That's not the case at all!!! I didn't want to be mean but I think I had to get mean to get the point across. I haven't had a call or an email since. 

Thank you all for your thoughts and support.
Tiff and Bishop


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## Thracian (Dec 24, 2008)

> She said I can't keep her dog from her and that she had him for 2 years so he's more her dog than mine.


Good grief. Does she not understand what it means to foster a dog? I'm glad you were clear with her. I hope you have no more problems.

ETA: I love the picture. He's a beautiful boy!


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Thracian said:


> Good grief. Does she not understand what it means to foster a dog? I'm glad you were clear with her. I hope you have no more problems.
> 
> ETA: I love the picture. He's a beautiful boy!


Thanks so much! He's finally gaining the weight he needs. It's so funny cause his ears always sit like that. The one is folded in the back. I don't think I will have anymore problems I think that I made her mad enough lol. I didn't mean to but I was just fed up. 

Have a good one, it's cold here hope you are warm!
Tiff and Bishop


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## Bailey08 (Aug 12, 2008)

Honestly, I would tell her that she is not welcome. 

He's your dog now. He's seen your vet. She has absolutely no right to see him. 

It was a very nice thing for you to be gracious and let her visit, but she has taken it too far.

And don't let Bishop in your yard or anywhere unattended -- the wackadoodle may think she can take him back!

He's super adorable, by the way!! Sounds like a lucky guy!!


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## reynosa_k9's (Dec 14, 2007)

muttmom said:


> ... She said I can't keep her dog from her and that she had him for 2 years so he's more her dog than mine...


Wow, a bit scary. I hope the situation has improved. If not I'ld think about a restraining order. That lady doesn't sound too stable. When she handed Bishop over to you for adoption she forfeited ALL rights to him. Bishop is 100%yours now and don't let anyone tell you otherwise. 

Please update us!

Jihad
and the pound puppy crew.


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## onthink (Mar 28, 2008)

You are a nice guy.


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Bailey08 said:


> Honestly, I would tell her that she is not welcome.
> 
> He's your dog now. He's seen your vet. She has absolutely no right to see him.
> 
> ...


Thank you so much!! Yes he is very closely watched outside for sure. You never know what people are going to do these days. We love this guy so so so much!! He is the typical emotional bulldog and the hubby gets all worried if Bishop is being emotional. That usually happens when he is not given people food lol. We are trying to break him of that habbit. 
Thanks so much



reynosa_k9's said:


> Wow, a bit scary. I hope the situation has improved. If not I'ld think about a restraining order. That lady doesn't sound too stable. When she handed Bishop over to you for adoption she forfeited ALL rights to him. Bishop is 100%yours now and don't let anyone tell you otherwise.
> 
> Please update us!
> 
> ...


Things have gotten a bit better. Thank you for your advice. if she has any more issues I should send her the link to what everyone has said lol.


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## 5 s corral (Dec 31, 2007)

hi 
i had gooten a sheltie from a vet the owners didnt want anymore i let them do a house check i have to ay she was upset that the dog jumped on the couch so i said this is going to be his new home and we are fine with it then she said we would like to visit from time to time and i said for now i would rather you didnt the dog would be confused 
so she called and buged me for 4 days and then i findley said he is ours now and i perfur you not to contact me anymore she was made but got over it 
so continue your good work and keep us posted 
jamie


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

5 s corral said:


> hi
> i had gooten a sheltie from a vet the owners didnt want anymore i let them do a house check i have to ay she was upset that the dog jumped on the couch so i said this is going to be his new home and we are fine with it then she said we would like to visit from time to time and i said for now i would rather you didnt the dog would be confused
> so she called and buged me for 4 days and then i findley said he is ours now and i perfur you not to contact me anymore she was made but got over it
> so continue your good work and keep us posted
> jamie



Wow might be the same person lol. Glad you were able to nip that. I think mine finally is. 

We have started training classes with him. We are going to a retired police dog trainer. We have some issues with him trying to attack people that are high. A neighbor that does not have the best past time habbits was high (I didn't know) and Bishop lunged at him. They have knew eachother since I got him and have been playtime buds. The guy is great with dogs and never had a problem. I asked him the other day what happened and he thought he somehow hurt Bishop and he felt bad. he said thats the fisrt time that he was high around him. 

So to say the least he is keeping his distance when he is high thank goodness cuase I don;t wanna be around him either.


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## Moker (Feb 5, 2009)

so did the weird lady say all the stuff in email? or was it person to person or phone?

hopefully you can get it in email form, just in case the lunatic actually gets your dog. you'll have recourse to get him back.

gj though 

btw, the link in your sig doesn't go to blogspot


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Moker said:


> so did the weird lady say all the stuff in email? or was it person to person or phone?
> 
> hopefully you can get it in email form, just in case the lunatic actually gets your dog. you'll have recourse to get him back.
> 
> ...


Nope it was all in person or on the phone. I am not too worried about her trying to get him cuase I run my business from home and am always with him. He is microchipped in my name and everything else. I don;t think she has have balls to take him from me or steal him. I have a 250 pound hawiian hubby lol 

Humm I will have to fix that link somehow


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## sobreeze (Oct 31, 2006)

I havent been on in a while been buzy with rescue work
I am a foster mom for a rescue in Mo. have fostered many furkids and adopted many many that needed forevery homes . 
We do not do follow up visits most of the time we do not do a home visit unless we feel the pet needs a special homevisit .Wut we are very careful placing these kids . we get great updates by phone,pictures and emails from our adopters these kids are family members I feel very close to most of my adopters but sometimes when you know its a great home but the adopter feels you might be a bit to close you just back away. If they need you they will call or email .
This gal seems yes a bit pushy this is your baby now thank her for helping you but ask her to let you care for your new family member .That you will keep her updated from time to time and that should be good enough .
It is sometime hard to let them go so for his foster mom just update every now and again or send pictures at xmass .


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

sobreeze said:


> I havent been on in a while been buzy with rescue work
> I am a foster mom for a rescue in Mo. have fostered many furkids and adopted many many that needed forevery homes .
> We do not do follow up visits most of the time we do not do a home visit unless we feel the pet needs a special homevisit .Wut we are very careful placing these kids . we get great updates by phone,pictures and emails from our adopters these kids are family members I feel very close to most of my adopters but sometimes when you know its a great home but the adopter feels you might be a bit to close you just back away. If they need you they will call or email .
> This gal seems yes a bit pushy this is your baby now thank her for helping you but ask her to let you care for your new family member .That you will keep her updated from time to time and that should be good enough .
> It is sometime hard to let them go so for his foster mom just update every now and again or send pictures at xmass .


yes I see what you are saying and agree. I ended up telling her at one point why did you tell me we were perfect for each other and that you knew that he would get so much better training a care from me if you dont trust me now. This is my first day outta bed and trying to eat in about 4 days and my Bishop has been a very good helper this whole time.


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## Legacy (Mar 9, 2009)

Wow...she sounds like a nut. The suggestions you have been getting are good ones. This brings to mind a "rescue" I did once. A lady my mom worked with had a Sheltie that she decided she "couldn't live with anymore...the dog had problems." My mom asked questions and was basically told that the dog couldn't be housebroken completely and they were tired of "spanking" her all the time. Mom knew I had always wanted a Sheltie and set up a meeting. I met a beautiful dog who was scared to death of everyone and who's only physical fault was "prick ears". (I'll get back to the ear thing.) The woman told me the dog was going to the pound. I told her I would take Lass home to my small farm and take good care of her. The woman wanted to call and her progress which I was ok with.

I got Lass home and at first, couldn't see any problems with her housebreaking although she was scared of all of us and would hide when my hubby came in the room. About a month later she came in season. She became totally incontinent and was terrified by it. My heart just broke. This dog had physical problems with her girl parts and I had it confirmed by the vet. We had already set up a spay date and moved it up to get it done after this heat cycle was over. The job was done and don't you know this crazy woman was very angry that we had "gotten her dog spayed...she was expecting Pick Of First Litter!" First, this dog should never have been bred anyway...her breed finds prick ears a fault. Second, Why on earth would I even consider this woman as a potential home for a puppy of the dog she abused and gave away to a stranger??? Third, this dog was timid and by breed standards shouldn't be bred although in all honesty, I wonder what she was like before this woman got her. Just crazy!

Lass was the perfect dog. After she was spayed she never had another accident. They "spanked" her for something she couldn't control and mentally scarred her for life. She was scared of men or raised hand or voice for the rest of her life. (I got her at 2 years and had her till her death at 15) It took my hubby 2 years before she would let him near enough to her to be petted by him. (which just killed him as he loves dogs too) I brought her to my small farm and she learned more confidence and was wonderful with me, and my young son and daughter but she still had moments of fearfullness and hiding if she thought she had done something wrong around any of us. 

Just for the record, after the woman called in anger over the spaying, I told her she was no longer part of this dog's life and to not call anymore. Of course, I also told her of this dog's physical problems and that she was disciplined for something she couldn't help. I finished by telling her she should never own another dog, she wasn't fit. But hey...that's just me! 

Sorry for the length of this. I just wanted to point out how crazy some situations can be and yet former owners still think they have "claims" despite how they, themselves have acted or treated an animal. I honestly feel very sorry for any human children they have.

Take care!
Legacy


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## muttmom (Dec 7, 2008)

Legacy said:


> Wow...she sounds like a nut. The suggestions you have been getting are good ones. This brings to mind a "rescue" I did once. A lady my mom worked with had a Sheltie that she decided she "couldn't live with anymore...the dog had problems." My mom asked questions and was basically told that the dog couldn't be housebroken completely and they were tired of "spanking" her all the time. Mom knew I had always wanted a Sheltie and set up a meeting. I met a beautiful dog who was scared to death of everyone and who's only physical fault was "prick ears". (I'll get back to the ear thing.) The woman told me the dog was going to the pound. I told her I would take Lass home to my small farm and take good care of her. The woman wanted to call and her progress which I was ok with.
> 
> I got Lass home and at first, couldn't see any problems with her housebreaking although she was scared of all of us and would hide when my hubby came in the room. About a month later she came in season. She became totally incontinent and was terrified by it. My heart just broke. This dog had physical problems with her girl parts and I had it confirmed by the vet. We had already set up a spay date and moved it up to get it done after this heat cycle was over. The job was done and don't you know this crazy woman was very angry that we had "gotten her dog spayed...she was expecting Pick Of First Litter!" First, this dog should never have been bred anyway...her breed finds prick ears a fault. Second, Why on earth would I even consider this woman as a potential home for a puppy of the dog she abused and gave away to a stranger??? Third, this dog was timid and by breed standards shouldn't be bred although in all honesty, I wonder what she was like before this woman got her. Just crazy!
> 
> ...


WOW that's a horrible sorry!! I'm so glad that Lass found you. Yes you are totally right that she was not the right dog to breed. You're hubby is a good guy for being so understanding and winning her over so well. I can not have human kids and I just look at this woman and go man thank god she doesn't have any human kids.

She called the other day to check in cause there was a shooting in my neighborhood. A legit reason to call I'll give her that. When she started calling him Foster I corrected her and told her his name is Bishop and has been for some time. She was all you need to bring him over to scare my cats they are picking on my other dog. I told her that she can call and check on me if there is a dangerous situation but that's it. She hung up rather quickly.

thank you for your story you went through so much for Lass!
Tiff


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