# Why is my dog afraid of my boyfriend?



## Whitney (Jul 12, 2006)

Hi guys,

We got Pride October 1st, from the SPCA. We adopted him with another dog, Kaisha. They were found on the streets together in June, and we didn't want to separate them. Anyways, it's been awhile now, but Pride still ALWAYS avoids Stephen no matter what. He will be laying down as we watch TV, and Stephen will get up for a drink. Pride will dash out of the room, and he won't relax until he is sitting again. I never figured that he was afraid, because he will let Stephen pet him and Pride will approach him sometimes, especially if he is kneeling. He takes treats well... Pride has gotten a lot better, but still, the running away is weird. We don't yell, or beat our dogs, nor does he. We live together and although he does work a lot, we spend a lot of time with our dogs. We are both calm and quiet people.

Any suggestions?

Thanks!


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## britishbandit (Dec 11, 2006)

My guess is he's had a bad experience at some point with men (or a man). You'll have to build his confidence and try and fix this. Try having your boyfriend feed him, walk him, work on training with him. Have him interating with the dog to show him there is nothing to fear. Take it slow, easy and calmly though.


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## crazydog06 (Jan 22, 2007)

I agree with britishbandit. The dog may have been abused by men or may have had little contact with men. have your boyfriend walk and feed and train the dog. you want to make your boyfriend seem harmless to your dog. take it one step at a time and don't rush things.


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## Whitney (Jul 12, 2006)

Thanks guys,

Stephen works a lot, so I feed them most of the time... but whenever he is able too, he does. Also, the thing is, Pride isn't afraid of all men. He is good with our room mate. I tell Stephen to give him treats for sitting, and Pride takes them without much bother. Stephen gets frustrated sometimes that Pride "hates" him, and I think that Pride can sense the negative feelings... does that sound a bit out there? Our other two dogs love Stephen, and I thought that maybe after awhile that Pride would come around, just like the other one that we had adopted.

I personally do think that someone had harmed him before they were caught by animal control. He is missing a toe on his back leg, and as sick as it sounds, I wouldn't be surprised if someone had cut it off. None of the other toes are damaged in any way, and his foot is very sensitive. Poor guy.


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## Maril (Jan 29, 2007)

You just can't know what has happened to this poor boy, but tell Stephen that if he feels compassion instead of irritation or rejection at Pride's behaviour, he will come around. I rescued a Beagle that would go catatonic when you picked her up, and if my male friend who lives at my farm would try to touch her she would scream like she was being killed and when anyone new came in the house she would hide in a closet and shake. It took about two years for her to begin to act like a normal dog. My next to last rescue, was so badly abused (a blue Doberman bitch) that if you touched her anywhere behind her head and neck she would let out a banshee howl and leap away, not quite snapping (very unsettling). At the vet's, when the male tech tried to do the stool sample, she went insane, defecating and urinating all over the place, and snapping her jaws (she's never actually tried to bite anyone). It took her a year to accept my friend, and now she adores him. He worked hard to gain her trust. She now will approach people at the farm, very friendly, wagging her tail, even men. She will still jump away if someone leans over her, but after almost 2 years, she is a happy, loving girl. Yes, they absolutely will pick up on your (or his) feelings, no doubt whatsoever. Have you tried leashing him, with Stephen holding the leash, and say, if he was going in the kitchen or something, taking him with him, feeding him a treat, or if he's off to the loo or something, you taking the leash and breaking the behaviour pattern by praising, food reward, etc.? Just a thought. Good luck. (P.S. Due to bleeding and damage to this poor girl, (she was long ago spayed when I found her) and her reaction to men, we think she was 'abused' by a human, speaking of sick, sick, sick. If she can recover, Pride should be fine.)


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## threedognite (Feb 10, 2007)

*dog afraid of boyfriend*

Your dog could be afraid of your boyfriend for several reasons and I find that this is very common with shelter and rescue dogs no matter how old they are.
Because you don't have a history of your dog, you have no way of knowing just why it fears Steve.
One reason a dog is fearful of men is because men have deeper voices and dogs usually respond better to women's voices because a woman's voice is lighter and softer, gentler, kinder.
Another reason a dog would fear humans in general (as well as other animals) is because the dog wasn't socialized as a puppy with people and/or animals. Dogs like yours don't trust people. I have three dogs and one of them is just like yours. She 'shys' away from people and although we have had her since last July, she will let us pet her and rub her tummy but she still doesn't trust us. She especially didn't want anything to do with my husband and my son for a long time but started to allow them to pet her.
I can tell that my dog WANTS to trust but she just doesn't. We don't push it and we let her approach us. She's a wonderful little dog, was already housebroken, doesn't make a fuss about anything, doesn't get 'squirrely', hardly ever barks and she's practically invisable at times.
Your dog may never overcome this fear but you can help this situation by not making a big deal of it and have Steve spend more time with the dog than you spending time with the dog. 
I also want to add that your rescue dog is a male and the dog may be trying to establish his place in the pack. He may see Steve as a contender for 'top dog' but instead of fighting Steve for it, the dog runs away. Steve could show his 'pack' status and ignore the behavior. Steve could also bond with the dog by walking him and grooming him.
It's tough sometimes to have a shelter dog because they sometimes come with 'baggage'. Just remember that your new dogs are trying to establish themselves and are trying to find a place within the pack. You and Steve are the leaders and the lead dogs don't fuss over the lower ranking dogs. They pretty much ignore wierd behavior. The lower ranking dogs will work out the pack status amoung themselves.


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## Matth3w (Feb 21, 2007)

Just to give an example...my mom adopted a mutt from the shelter about 7 years ago. I wasn't living with her at the time, but I was over her house the weekend she bought it. I petted the dog that day. That was the last time. 

This dog absolutely DESPISES me. It has a 6th sense that I challenge ANYONE on here to explain or fix. It isn't my voice, smell, or looks that bother her (I don't think). Even if I pull up into her driveway (even if I am driving different cars), the dog starts barking. The dog refuses to accept treats from me, be around me, or anything. If I stay 48 hours, it will bark all 48 without reprieve. If I turn my back it will try to bit my ankles, but if I catch her trying to do it she will poop on the floor and run away. 

I have never yelled or anything at this dog. I have no idea what could cause this. I could understand if I smelled like someone that beat her or something, but even if I change deoderants and wear different cologne and use different soaps/shampoos or even if I am gone for years at a time, this dog still freaks out.


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## cshellenberger (Dec 2, 2006)

Matthew, your mom's dog is having an extreame fear reaction. It may have been abused by someone similar to you before your mom got it. It would be best for you and the dog if your mom put it up in a quiet place while you are around so the dog doesn't feel it has to defend itself against you. At least that way you and the dog aren't miserable.


As far as the OP, you've gotten excellent advice. Have your boyfriend work withthe dog doing some clicker training or other positive reenforcement training with him. This will help to build the trust bond. It only takes him working with the dog 5-10 minutes a couple times a day to help the situation.


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## Matth3w (Feb 21, 2007)

cshellenberger said:


> Matthew, your mom's dog is having an extreame fear reaction. It may have been abused by someone similar to you before your mom got it. It would be best for you and the dog if your mom put it up in a quiet place while you are around so the dog doesn't feel it has to defend itself against you. At least that way you and the dog aren't miserable.
> 
> 
> As far as the OP, you've gotten excellent advice. Have your boyfriend work withthe dog doing some clicker training or other positive reenforcement training with him. This will help to build the trust bond. It only takes him working with the dog 5-10 minutes a couple times a day to help the situation.


We try but even in the bedroom upstairs or anything, she barks and barks and barks. She will not use the potty or eat while I am there. It is terrible because I am in the Army and rarely get to see my mom but maybe once a year. I feel bad for the dog because she will literally hold her pee until I leave. So if I stay 3-4 days and don't leave the house (for some reason), she won't eat or pee until I leave.


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## cshellenberger (Dec 2, 2006)

Wow, That is extreme. Has your mom tried giving her a frozen stuffed Kong? It often soothes a dog. 

Has your mom considered getting the dog either Valium or Prozac to give the dog for your visit? I don't normally suggest that, but this is a bad case and would only be given a short time.


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## Matth3w (Feb 21, 2007)

cshellenberger said:


> Wow, That is extreme. Has your mom tried giving her a frozen stuffed Kong? It often soothes a dog.
> 
> Has your mom considered getting the dog either Valium or Prozac to give the dog for your visit? I don't normally suggest that, but this is a bad case and would only be given a short time.


The doggie prozac she got from the vet doesnt work all that well.


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