# Emotionally destroyed....lost my little girl at 12 1/2



## summerwind4 (Aug 24, 2016)

I have had to register again so my post count doesn't show it, but i first came here asking about providing my Zoey Ann with a good food. Since then Zoey has had the happiest life, and yes she was treated like a princess..........anything and everything we could buy her she got, not to mention all the love in the world...........I think she thought of my wife,son and myself as being Odie's.........She often gave us the dirty look because she was getting a bath as almost like she was saying "if you all didn't kiss me so much with your dirty mouths, we wouldn't be going through bathing issue"

Zoey went everywhere with us and we made plans within our schedules to make sure she was never alone even if it meant one of us calling in sick to be home with her during the day. Even bought a service vest so she couldn't be denied entry anywhere we went. She did lose the use of her left leg due to pateller luxation at age 11, and even bought her the wheels that she totally hated, and kept going about on her own.......most of the time we carried her anywhere she wanted to go.

We lost her on this past Sunday, but i am in huge doubt to my actions.
The day started out like normal, except when i got up, Zoey was awake and kinda restless as she was thirsty. She slept in our bed since day one. I took her to get a drink, she drank a normal amount like always, then went back to bed with mommy (wife). Later in the morning my wife got up as usual, gave Zoey her breakfast as usual. A couple hours later Zoey expelled her meal. Went outside to urinate,and during that time vomited whitish foam. Came in and drank, then 30 minutes later wanted to go out to urinate again in which she again vomited whitish foam. She has done this in the past, and within 2-4 hours would bounce back after laying up and start eating again.
This time was where i wonder why i was so stupid and didn't persist to take her in as my wife (and i do not blame her) felt that this was usual behavior and not to worry.
This all started at about 1pm, and at around 6pm is when my wife took her out to see if she needed to go to the bathroom. My wife came in screaming that something was wrong as when she set Zoey down, she just fell over with a distant look in her eyes.
We rushed her to the E vet 5 minutes away, and she was barely conscious.
The Vet gave us a to do list and of course wanted payment of which was done promptly. 3 hours passed, and then the Vet entered the room and said "OK she stopped breathing".........."I can try to revive her, but she has many other complications that may impair her from returning to normal"..........a lot to consume.
The Vet said she did not have a heart murmur, but had an enlarged heart, kidney stone, and 3 bladder stones. Her gums were pale pink and when we brought her in her temperature was down to 96. They had Zoey in an oxygen tent and were applying heat.........pretty much everything they could do for her, but it was too late.

We loved her more than life itself, and as you can tell we are more than devastated.
I have the worst feeling of guilt that i have ever had throughout my life, because I just know that had i taken Zoey in first thing that she would still be with us.

We always talked about hopefully she would reach 15 and by then we'd be emotionally prepared for her departure..............nothing this quick can be overcome in our minds.............


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## Springer (Feb 19, 2014)

Sorry for your loss, but you did everything you could do, so don't be so hard on yourself. I had to make the decision to let 2 of mine go 1 year & 1 month apart & I still second guess myself sometimes. I think even if she would have lived until 15, you & your wife would never be ready! Hold on to the good memories.


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## SnarkHunter66 (Apr 30, 2016)

So sorry for your loss and please don't second-guess. Taking Zoey in right away might have made a difference or you might have faced making the decision to put her to sleep that much sooner. 

A friend sent me this when I lost my heart dog years ago, so I'll pass it along to you.

...there is one best place to bury a dog. One place that is best of all.
If you bury her in this spot, the secret of which you will 
already have, she will come to you when you call -- come 
to you over the dim frontiers of death, and down the 
well-remembered path, and to your side again. And 
though you call a dozen living dogs to heel they shall not 
growl at her, nor resent her coming, for she is yours and she 
belongs there. People may scoff at you, who see no 
lightest blade of grass bent by her footfall, who hear no 
whimper pitched too fine for mere audition, people who 
may never really have had a dog. Smile at them then, for 
you shall know something that is hidden from them, and 
which is well worth the knowing. The one best place to 
bury a good dog is in the heart of its master.


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## Hankscorpio (May 15, 2012)

I'm sorry for your loss
I don't think anyone is ever emotionally prepared to loose a dog. 12.5 happy and mostly healthy years is still a gift even if it's not quite what you wished for. Try to remember all she gave you rather than dwelling on what you have lost.


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

Sorry for your loss. I just lost my senior over Memorial Day. What helped us move through the grieving process was to adopt another dog in a week or two. It doesn't replace the dog, but taking care of a new dog, helped us to focus more on the present.


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## summerwind4 (Aug 24, 2016)

I thank you for the kind words..............Like so many we never gave consideration to her being a Senior as she always looked like a puppy...........out in public the kids would go nuts to tell their parents "look at the puppy Daddy", or want to come up to us and pet the puppy......Wife always just told them "no, she will really bite you" as she didn't want Zoey to contract germs from kids.
By far this is the hardest of times.


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## Sandakat (Mar 7, 2015)

I'm so sorry for your loss! It's so hard to lose them. Please don't beat yourself up with "what ifs". You made the kindest, most loving, hardest decision that you can make for a pet. I'm sure it was the right choice.


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## Inga (Jun 16, 2007)

I am so sorry for your loss. It is never easy no matter how old they are.


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## Jacksons Mom (Mar 12, 2010)

I'm so so sorry. My heart is broken for you.


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## BradyHound (Aug 5, 2016)

hanksimon said:


> Sorry for your loss. I just lost my senior over Memorial Day. What helped us move through the grieving process was to adopt another dog in a week or two. It doesn't replace the dog, but taking care of a new dog, helped us to focus more on the present.


Very sorry about such a painful loss 

But I agree completely with hanksimon. We just lost our 15yo Shepherd mix about a month ago. Said I would not get another dog, but there was so much getting entangled in the past and stagnating in depression not only from that dog, but a 12yo I lost last year, that when I decided to go ahead with a puppy about a week later, just the act of looking into breeders and preparing for the pup was very healing.


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## Pomom (Apr 9, 2014)

Sorry to hear you are going through this. There is no guarantee you could have saved her. She might just have spent her last day in hospital instead of at home. My heart goes out to you.


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## InkedMarie (Mar 11, 2009)

I'm so very sorry. She was beautiful.


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## summerwind4 (Aug 24, 2016)

I really want to thank all of you for the replies.
It's truly touching that we all connect like this.
I've lost 2 pals during my lifetime, 1st dog was Tuffy that i lost at age 7......got him when i was 5, and it was haertbreaking that he got out of the yard while i was on the school bus that hit him.
My 2nd was a Poodle that was fathered by my wife's dog who seemed to be the neighborhood Romeo.........My daughter accidentally let him out of the backyard of the apartment, and he too was struck by a car. 

When my daughter called to tell us she was coming over with a puppy(Zoey) 12 1/2 years ago i began scoffing that "we don't need a dog, don't bring a dog over here".........Too late, she showed up at the door 5 minutes later and it was love at first sight.............YES, i fell off the deep end for Zoey as she just would go crazy the minute i walked thru the door at the end of the day....... Twirling, jumping and just bouncing all around. I guarded this little sweetheart like my life depended on it. I never grew so close to anyone like her. I hurt immensely at this time, but it feels good to connect with you all.
My wife is worried that i need help right now, and maybe i do............The family now understands why i didn't want another puppy back then, but i'm glad i was the one that raised her and spoiled her.
She was truly human to us........


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## Silverleaf (Aug 30, 2016)

I'm so sorry you lost Zoey, it's such a horrible experience and it's perfectly natural to feel guilty that you could have done something differently. I felt the same when my Summer died - if only I'd done this, or that, maybe she'd have lived a bit longer.

But really, the only thing we can do is try to do our best for them. Things happen that are _not our fault_. It doesn't sound like there was anything you could have done differently, it was just Zoey's time to go. Please try not to blame yourself (I know, it's easier said than done, but please try).

Having someone to talk to might help a lot. I know I absolutely needed support myself, because the grief is absolutely real and to be honest I think it's worse when you lose someone you feel responsible for, human or animal.

Something that helped me was looking at photos of Summer as soon as I felt able to. Remembering all the little quirks that made her special and all the good times we shared together. Telling stories about the cute or naughty or clever things she did. Honouring the memory of my friend.


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