# Sticky  "We" instead of "He/She"



## trainingjunkie

A couple of months ago, I started changing how I think about performances and training as it relates to my dog sports. It's been pretty powerful for me.

Instead of staying something like, "My dog was distracted" or "My dog didn't stop on his contacts" or "My dog missed his weaves," I've been saying "We weren't connected" or "We missed a contact" or "We blew by the weaves."

The difference is subtle, but for me, it has been really helpful. Any error in the ring is a team error. My dogs and I step on the start line together. We also enter the obedience ring together. Any error my dog makes reflects on my training, my preparation, and my decision to enter any particular trial. It's about team preparation and NOT about my dog. Using "we" instead of "he" has slowly improved the way I feel about my dogs when we face competition challenges. While I have ALWAYS loved my dogs no matter what, taking complete ownership of our performances by referring to us as a team rather than singling out my dog, has really shifted and refined my thinking and my ring preparation. It has helped me take more ownership of our challenges.

I have a dog who can't perform a stopped contact in trial. He can't. Switching my thinking from HE can't to WE can't has helped me get very innovative about seeking solutions and handling our challenge. Saying that "we" haven't figured it out yet has taken all of the bitter edge off of this problem. It have become an interesting training exercise now instead of a sore spot. Our Team needs to work this out, not my dog. WE have a challenge, HE doesn't.

As simple as the shift is, the impact has been helpful, stress-relieving, and very fun. Looking at my dog as a full teammate rather than as student who needs to learn something has been powerful and very, very rewarding. 

Sorry if this seems out of place here! Just wanted to share.


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## SDRRanger

I think that is fantastic and completely agree. When you think of it as a team issue then it's not you against them, but both of your against the world!


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## Canyx

Thanks for the reminder trainingjunkie. Years and years ago when I was just starting out with Soro, I made the mistake of blaming him whenever we couldn't move forward. _He_ knows better than to blow off commands rather than _I_ didn't set him up to succeed on the cue. We hit a wall. But once I reached pretty much the same conclusion that you have, it has been smooth sailing since. And I still make mistakes sometimes. So it is good to read something like this and be reminded again and again.


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## MrsBoats

I love this post! I completely agree. 

I stopped blaming my dogs for things that go wrong in the ring. 9 times out of 10, I did or didn't do something in my training/handling that caused that behavior. You're so right that thinking that way completely changes your outlook on working your dogs. This way of thinking makes better dog trainers out of us....it makes us become the handlers/trainers our dogs deserve.


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## Amaryllis

It's incredible how language can influence thought. Thank you so much for the reminder, trainingjunkie.


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## Laurelin

Need a like button.


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## cookieface

Nice, and applicable to a variety of situations, not just serious training. Thanks for sharing.


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## kadylady

Love. Such a great mindset to have.


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## petpeeve

Not out of place, right where it should be. Definitely sticky-worthy.


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## elrohwen

Great post!! Something we all need to remind ourselves of on a daily basis.


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## Bentwings

Training....
I think it's great that you are thinking like a team. And you are right about the whole attitude of your team. As soon as " I " comes out you have a team. It's holds for all team sports. Even bowling it's us meaning me and the ball. Keep it up.


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