# My Dog Pees when he is yelled at by my bf...



## Nina&Charlie (Feb 19, 2008)

I have a golden retriever, he is very sweet, and very easy going. I live in a house with all girls, and he has grown up around all girls...so sometimes when I go to work I will bring him to my boyfriends house so he has some company, if he isn't working. 
Well today my bf was yelling for his kids upstairs to come downstairs and Charlie (my dog) appearently got nervous hearing his loud voice, and peed. Then he got in trouble for peeing, and really got yelled at...making him pee more...AND then he even pooed!!!!! So of course my boyfriend is upset having to clean all that stuff up...and poor Charlie (my dog) got himself in trouble for no reason...

Now, if I yell at him he doesn't get all scared, I think it is my voice, its not as deep as a mans, obviously! Anyone have any ideas of what to do? Or ways that my boyfriend can discipline him without making him pee?? He is a pretty good dog, I mean ya he doesn't listen all the time, and prefers to do what he wants...haha but other than that he is pretty good, and very sensitive!!!


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

I don't know if there's a question in there somewhere. If there is, you already know the answer.

You don't yell at a dog who's already afraid. Dogs don't pee in the house to be naughty or teach us a lesson. There is absolutely NOTHING to be gained by yelling or punishing them for doing it.

Since you ask, I'd keep the dog away from your boyfriend.


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## FilleBelle (Aug 1, 2007)

Yelling at a dog who has peed in the house never works. Yelling at a dog who has peed in the house out of sheer terror will only make the dog more terrified.

For what behavior problems does your boyfriend need to discipline the dog? I can guarantee you that "yelling" is not an effective way to handle any of them, but perhaps if you tell us what they are we can offer some alternative suggestions.

And I second keeping the dog and the bf separated. It's all well and good for the dog to have company, but I suspect it would prefer to be alone than to be with a man who scares it.


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## Dieselsmama (Apr 1, 2007)

Ditch the boyfriend, I guarantee the dogs more loyal LOL j/k. Tell him no yelling around the dog, obviously the poor guy was petrified


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## Elana55 (Jan 7, 2008)

The dog was not just scared by this man's yelling, he was terrified by it! Then to ADD insult to the already inflicted injury, the guy PUNISHES the dog!!!! 

Gosh.. if this guy is ever scared out of his gourd by someone and loses control of his bladder and/or bowels I hope someone punishes HIM! 

The damage is now done and it will take this man a lot to overcome this dog's fear. I would not have the dog stay with this guy alone for awhile (maybe forever). Instead, you stay there with the dog and this man will need to spend time making friends with the dog. That means speaking softly, offering food, stroking him (not 'pat pat' on the head which many dogs view as a mild aversive). The dog needs to be convinced the man will not hurt him. You need to be there as well so the dog has someone he can trust. If the dog does not seem to trust this man, or repeats the behavior, keep them separate. 

It sounds like you have a wonderful, sensitive dog. For some dogs yelling can be as terrible as any physical abuse. It sounds like you have one of those dogs.


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## Max'sHuman (Oct 6, 2007)

Here's an idea....don't let your boyfriend yell at your dog. 

OK now I just noticed everyone else already said that. But yeah, assuming that maybe this was a one off and your boyfriend isn't in the practice of yelling at dogs, I'd teach him how to treat dogs and train them effectively. That said, like Elana mentioned, it will take a lot to get your dog to like your boyfriend again because your boyfriend seriously damaged that relationship. 

If your boyfriend is in the habit of yelling at his kids and your dog I'd say get rid of him. People who yell at innocent creatures have a screw loose.


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## Pax (Dec 19, 2007)

Max'sHuman said:


> If your boyfriend is in the habit of yelling at his kids and your dog I'd say get rid of him. People who yell at innocent creatures have a screw loose.


That. Also, if your boyfriend has spent very much time alone with your dog, I would be concerned that there may have been more going on when you weren't around, that would give your dog reason to fear this man. 

Speaking not only as an animal lover, but as a woman, my dog being terrified of somebody for no apparent reason would raise a huge red flag for me. Be careful.


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## RBark (Sep 10, 2007)

Not that I am defending the guy.... He's obviously got a rotten temper.

But, some dogs are very sensitive. One of my mothers dogs will pee all the time when around me. If my hand moves too fast, if I give a expression of anything other than being happy, and so on. She pees when she hears me talking to someone in the other room.

She was a extremely bad case (coming from a home that molested her sexually by a male about my age) so there's little I can do about it. It's often associated with fear or bad socialization. You say she comes from a home with all women? That makes sense.


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

> One of my mothers dogs will pee all the time when around me.


But I'm guessing you don't respond by yelling at her.

I'm sure the OP wasn't expecting this kind of furor. It's important to understand that we are all dog lovers. Some of us aren't that crazy about people - especially people that mistreat dogs.

Personally, I like people in general but, when I hear about someone who abuses a dog (sorry, abuse is what we're talking about here) it makes me wish the abuser could meet a dog who is a tad less submissive. 

Maybe a Plott hound.


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## Pax (Dec 19, 2007)

You know, I think it's normal to lose your temper and raise your voice now and then. It's something most people have done, and of course, felt like a complete ass for after the fact. The thing about the OP that doesn't sit well with me, is that when the dog showed obvious fear at the man raising his voice, his reaction was _to become angrier at the dog_. That, to me, bespeaks a certain personality type, and it's not a type I would want to pursue a romantic relationship with.


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## RBark (Sep 10, 2007)

RonE said:


> But I'm guessing you don't respond by yelling at her.
> 
> I'm sure the OP wasn't expecting this kind of furor. It's important to understand that we are all dog lovers. Some of us aren't that crazy about people - especially people that mistreat dogs.
> 
> ...


No, I never yell at her. Or any of my dogs for that matter.


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## BoxMeIn21 (Apr 10, 2007)

RonE said:


> Since you ask, I'd keep the dog away from your boyfriend.


^^^ Yep, that. Poor dog.


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## Inga (Jun 16, 2007)

I certainly agree that keeping your dog and boyfriend apart is a must. To get a dog over submissive urination you must build the dogs confidence through successes on his part. You need to set up positive training sessions designed to allow your dog to succeed. yelling at an already terrified dog is completely juvenile and getting angry when the terrified dog loses control of his bladder and bowels because of the terror is a little scary in my opinion. This is a man with children? What happens when the children spill something?


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## terryjeanne (Jul 13, 2007)

And you trust your boyfriend to look after your dog?? Leave the poor pup at home next time--he doesn't need or deserve that kind of company.

You don't need to yell. Dogs have excellent hearing and he will hear you fine.


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## TooneyDogs (Aug 6, 2007)

Charlie just told you something very, very important about this guy. I would go and thank Charlie.


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## Aussiefan (Jan 21, 2007)

I have a feeling this isn't the first time your boyfriend has yelled at your dog...or more. Hope my feeling is wrong. I would have a talk with the boyfriend.


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## Patt (Feb 12, 2008)

TooneyDogs said:


> Charlie just told you something very, very important about this guy. I would go and thank Charlie.


Well said, I second this statement!! 

ITA with everyone's thoughts on this subject. Please think twice about your BF. 

Charlie is sensititve and one smart boy, he didn't deserve punishment.


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## Elana55 (Jan 7, 2008)

WOW!

I SOOOOO wanted to say what some of you have said above (dump the guy, keep the dog LOL), but I was trying to be nice..... 

Sometimes when a person gets advice to dump the "object of their love" (usually a SO) they can get real offended... because they dcould never do that. 

However, I trust the judgement of my animals. They pick up on people and Charlie, the dog, has picked up on this guy real fast. While the dog MAY be super sensitive, he is telling you a secret.. and others here have picked up on that (while I really showed restraint.. honest I did). 

I can tell you this much... I have 4 cats. I had these 4 cats when I was married. I had these 4 cats when I got divorced. I had these 4 cats before I had a BF. I had the 4 cats when BF was discovered to be scum of the earth drug addict and cheater and I kicked him out of my life. I am now very happily single and guess what? I still have my 4 cats  (who never really liked my husband or the BF).

.. and I added another cat and Atka... 

From now on anyone I meet has to pass muster with the 4 cats, Oliver the kitten (now almost a cat) and my dog, Atka.


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## jspuds (Aug 17, 2011)

I know this thread is ancient, but I stumbled upon it when searching for dog training advice. In case any of you are still on here, I just wanted to say that you should be ashamed of yourselves for heaping all of your conclusions on somebody because of one anecdote when he was probably at his worst. 

How many times have you had a bad morning where your kids weren't ready and were dawdling, maybe you have something important at work and they're making you late, your toast got burned or whatever, your day is going awful, you yell up the stairs that they need to hurry up, and the dog pees. Just the straw on the camels back.

I'm not excusing his actions. Obviously it isn't right to yell at a dog when he is already terrified.

However, it is equally reproachable to assume and insinuate that this guy is an abuser, a bad boyfriend, a bad person, juvenile, and so forth simply because of one anecdote when he could have well simply slipped. It happens to good people. I don't know the guy, he may be a jerk. 

But man, the hate you've all shown for someone you only scarcely know through one story is disappointing, to say the least. Get off your high horses, collectively.


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

Interesting first post, jspuds.

Because you're new to this forum - maybe new to forums in general - I'll explain how it works.

Someone goes to the trouble to register and request advice or opinions. She provides as much or as little information as she chooses to and, based on that information, other members will offer advice or opinions. 

In this case, that one anecdote was all the OP chose to present. Most, if not all, of the opinions offered were based on the dog's response (again, based on what the OP chose to present.)

Nobody has any obligation to accept any advice here but it's worth remembering that the advice was solicited.

The OP posted once and disappeared. Maybe she took the advice to heart (good advice, BTW, to either keep the dog and the boyfriend separated or help him work on the very slow process of gaining the dog's trust) or maybe she was so appalled by the advice that she bailed out the same day she posted. 

Now tell us about yourself. Did you go to the trouble of registering and chasing down this old thread just to bust our collective chops or do you have an interest in dogs - maybe even a dog of your own?


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## jspuds (Aug 17, 2011)

RonE said:


> Interesting first post, jspuds.
> 
> Because you're new to this forum - maybe new to forums in general - I'll explain how it works.
> 
> ...


I understand how forums work, and I have no desire to be in any way involved in this one. I've said my bit.

She asked for advice on how her boyfriend can correct her dog without terrifying it. She got advice on her love life. In what way was this solicited? There was tremendous opportunity to teach them both insightful lessons on dog training, and it was wasted on boyfriend-bashing.

Maybe she disappeared because this thread is 18 replies bashing on her boyfriend, whom you and everyone else has never, ever met. You're trying to excuse accusing someone of being abusive based on yelling up the stairs to his kids and then getting mad when it makes the dog pee? Really?

Yeah, you guys are real jerks if this is what you consider acceptable behavior. The forums I choose to participate in make a willful effort to help new members, not come down on them. That's all, you can feel free to close my account.


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## RBark (Sep 10, 2007)

Well gee, sounds like you're making snap judgement on us based on when we were at our worst without getting to know us, and instead of teaching us how to be fine upstanding citizens, you just bash us and leave!


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## JuneBud (Feb 17, 2010)

LOL. You seem to be reacting to the people on this forum in exactly the same way that you accuse them. You don't know them and you are jumping to conclusions because of one exposure to them, just as in the OP's post. She asked one question which did not make her BF look so good. People on dog forums, in case you hadn't realized, are usually on the dog's side. They know that animals are very good judges of people. Most people also realize that people who yell, either at their own kids or their dog have a problem. For instance, I have lived my entire life without yelling at anyone, my children, my husband, or my pets. People who yell are people who are trying to intimidate others and have little control over their own emotions.


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## jspuds (Aug 17, 2011)

Justify your behavior, collectively, however you wish. I don't see where I told you all you were bad people. I said you were being jerks to this woman, because you were.


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## JuneBud (Feb 17, 2010)

So be it. But the people who replied to the OP gave their honest opinions in response to the information supplied. If people don't want honest opinions they should not be asking anonymous people on the internet. If you think this board is bad, I invite you to visit a few political sites. They've even been known to call each other jerks and worse.


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## jspuds (Aug 17, 2011)

JuneBud said:


> So be it. But the people who replied to the OP gave their honest opinions in response to the information supplied. If people don't want honest opinions they should not be asking anonymous people on the internet. If you think this board is bad, I invite you to visit a few political sites. They've even been known to call each other jerks and worse.


Somebody else holding up a bank doesn't make your shoplifting OK. Same thing here. I don't know anything about this board, nor do I think it's bad. I don't care if other sites are worse, it doesn't excuse this.

Sure, they gave honest opinions... *on a "problem" the OP did not ask about.* The OP clearly wanted to date her boyfriend, or else she wouldn't be. This isn't a dating advice site, and she wasn't asking whether she should get rid of him.

I'm just digusted by how quickly an entire group of people assumed a man has a psychological problem or is abusive because he got frustrated and yelled at a dog. I'm even more disgusted by how acceptable it is, apparently, even in hindsight when this happened three years ago and cooler heads should prevail, to go throwing out such wild accusations with little to no basis.

You think this is indicative of a problem and yelling is always used to intimidate? You're never angry? I honestly find it either creepy or simply unbelievable that you say you've never yelled in your life. There are certainly more productive ways to vent anger, but there are also certainly less productive!


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## JuneBud (Feb 17, 2010)

You are right that the OP didn't ask about her relationship. She asked about her dog and her relationship with her BF was obviously the problem with her dog. Would you say the same if instead of yelling at the dog, she said he had hit the dog? Both are abusive.

Yes, I get angry on occasion, but my parents raised me to know how to control myself. And yes, yelling IS intimidating - always. Yelling is NEVER productive as it DOES intimidate others, and might just possibly cause the person (or dog) who is yelled at to retaliate. I don't know how old you are, but it seems you have much to learn.

I think it is time to close this thread for good.

I'm done posting to it - that's certain.


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## jspuds (Aug 17, 2011)

JuneBud said:


> You are right that the OP didn't ask about her relationship. She asked about her dog and her relationship with her BF was obviously the problem with her dog. Would you say the same if instead of yelling at the dog, she said he had hit the dog? Both are abusive.


She asked how her boyfriend can correct the dog without terrifying him. You're assuming he's ineducable. That's nice of you. And now you're saying yelling and hitting are the same thing. You've never told your dog "no" in a loud voice? That's yelling, sweetheart.



> Yes, I get angry on occasion, but my parents raised me to know how to control myself. And yes, yelling IS intimidating - always. Yelling is NEVER productive as it DOES intimidate others, and might just possibly cause the person (or dog) who is yelled at to retaliate. I don't know how old you are, but it seems you have much to learn.
> 
> I think it is time to close this thread for good.
> 
> I'm done posting to it - that's certain.


I see, so bottling up your anger is the way to go for you. I'm making gross generalizations here, but I've found through my life that those who take a high-minded approach to such things often end up being incredibly nasty and vindictive people. I've yelled at nobody at all, in private, when nobody is around, by myself before. The point isn't to intimidate, it's to vent anger, at least for me. As far as yelling at dogs, I don't. But my underlying point is that accusing someone of being an abusive person who needs to be dumped is a drastic, serious thing. You're literally saying he's prone to beating this girl, her dog, and his kids. That's an incredibly nasty accusation, and you're saying it's warranted? In what way is _that_ called for? You could still simply _give her advice on what to do instead of yelling at the dog_ as well as what the boyfriend can do to repair his relationship with the dog, without being nasty about it. But you choose instead to support people who decide to declare the man beats his kids. That's kind. I'm glad your parents raised you to do that.


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## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

LOL, are you the boyfriend or what that you're so invested in a 3 year old discussion? The OP asked about a problem between the dog _and the boyfriend_. Therefore the boyfriend is relevant to the discussion. If you're so disappointed in the advice a bunch of jerks gives, why hang around at all?


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## JuneBud (Feb 17, 2010)

You seem to be getting hysterical. I can only assume you have trouble comprehending English or have a huge imagination, if you believe that I made an "incredibly nasty accusation." Read it again. I was saying that yelling and physical punishment are both abusive, not that anyone was being beaten. No one ever needs to yell to vent anger. It's a fact. You know what yelling gets you? Nothing productive. You don't treat (or train) dogs that way, you don't treat people that way, you can't have good relationships that way, you don't treat children that way. It shows a complete lack of respect for the person (or animal) being yelled at. Anger happens. To deal with it, you express it by telling the other person how you feel. You can say "damn it" but never "damn you." 

Now I am reporting this thread to the admin and hopefully they will close it. It's getting sillier by the minute.


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## jspuds (Aug 17, 2011)

JuneBud said:


> You seem to be getting hysterical. I can only assume you have trouble comprehending English or have a huge imagination, if you believe that I made an "incredibly nasty accusation." Read it again. I was saying that yelling and physical punishment are both abusive, not that anyone was being beaten. No one ever needs to yell to vent anger. It's a fact. You know what yelling gets you? Nothing productive. You don't treat (or train) dogs that way, you don't treat people that way, you can't have good relationships that way, you don't treat children that way. It shows a complete lack of respect for the person (or animal) being yelled at. Anger happens. To deal with it, you express it by telling the other person how you feel. You can say "damn it" but never "damn you."
> 
> Now I am reporting this thread to the admin and hopefully they will close it. It's getting sillier by the minute.


I suppose what you call 'hysterical', I call 'a reasoned argument.' Where exactly did I get hysterical, or even remotely upset?

Besides, I thought you were done with this?  Anyway, whatever. Clearly nobody is bothered by accusing someone they've never met of being a child and animal abuser. That's great. Mods can lock the thread.

Edit: And I find it hilariously ironic that, while you're accusing this boyfriend (and by extension, with your 'hysterical' comments, me) of being unable to control his emotions, you're flipping your shit screaming at me over the internet. *shrug* I hope you can get past your own problems, because you apparently have them.

Everyone have a nice day, sincerely. I hope next time something like this happens, at least some of you will take a second before you accuse a man you've never met of being a monster.


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## Pawzk9 (Jan 3, 2011)

Elana55 said:


> WOW!
> 
> I SOOOOO wanted to say what some of you have said above (dump the guy, keep the dog LOL), but I was trying to be nice.....
> 
> ...


Not everyone who raises their voice is an abuser. And many non-dog people really have no clue about submissive urination. Shoot there are still people out there who hit their dogs with newspapers and rub their nose in poo in a best-guess attempt to train them. I feel bad for this dog who was clearly pushed past terrified in this situation. That said, while dogs are good at reading people and reading situations, I don't assume they are omniscient. I love dogs, I'm very kind to dogs. Occasionally I get a dog in class who is afraid of me. I've worked with a few dogs who would have bitten me, given a chance (in all fairness, the reason I was working with them was because they had that reaction to a lot of people) I hope people don't assume that it is because they've unearthed some dark secret about me. They just aren't comfortable with me yet. I've had a couple of pups in class who have let go with the bladder when greeting. It wasn't because they were scared as much as they were just excited. Once they were empty, I cheerfully held them while their owner brought out the cleaning supplies. It happens. If a dog isn't used to being around men, it's not necessarily that the man is "bad". It could just be that a large presence and big booming voice is more than the dog is used to.


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## Pawzk9 (Jan 3, 2011)

jspuds said:


> Justify your behavior, collectively, however you wish. I don't see where I told you all you were bad people. I said you were being jerks to this woman, because you were.


Sooooo, your point was that she was given unsolicited opinions about her boyfriend. Has someone here solicited your opinion on whether or not the posters are "jerks" and I missed it?


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## Jenn~n~Luke (Aug 20, 2010)

I think it's very odd that of all the thousands of posts in this forum, and RECENT ones at that, this new poster comes on *this* one, bumping a conversation that has long since been dead and buried up, to complain about the answers and opinions the OP had received. Obviously there is a personal reason for this. If you think the opinions on this thread are too harsh I don't suggest reading any others floating around  At the end of the day, does it really matter what a bunch of strangers online thought of the boyfriend that for all we know doesn't even exist? For that matter the OP may not even have the dog anymore. It's over, move on. And if you are the boyfriend or even the OP under a new name...I think it's time to get over it. The message was posted, the answers were received....if you don't like them, it really isn't the end of the world.


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## Jenn~n~Luke (Aug 20, 2010)

Pawzk9 said:


> Not everyone who raises their voice is an abuser. And many non-dog people really have no clue about submissive urination. Shoot there are still people out there who hit their dogs with newspapers and rub their nose in poo in a best-guess attempt to train them. I feel bad for this dog who was clearly pushed past terrified in this situation. That said, while dogs are good at reading people and reading situations, I don't assume they are omniscient. I love dogs, I'm very kind to dogs. Occasionally I get a dog in class who is afraid of me. I've worked with a few dogs who would have bitten me, given a chance (in all fairness, the reason I was working with them was because they had that reaction to a lot of people) *I hope people don't assume that it is because they've unearthed some dark secret about me. They just aren't comfortable with me yet. * I've had a couple of pups in class who have let go with the bladder when greeting. It wasn't because they were scared as much as they were just excited. Once they were empty, I cheerfully held them while their owner brought out the cleaning supplies. It happens. If a dog isn't used to being around men, it's not necessarily that the man is "bad". It could just be that a large presence and big booming voice is more than the dog is used to.


Excellent point  ((the one I bolded especially ))


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## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

jspuds said:


> Everyone have a nice day, sincerely. I hope next time something like this happens, at least some of you will take a second before you accuse a man you've never met of being a monster.


OMG, you ARE the boyfriend, aren't you?


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## Sendiulino (Jun 20, 2011)

JuneBud said:


> Now I am reporting this thread to the admin and hopefully they will close it. It's getting sillier by the minute.


They haven't closed the dog-attacks-yorkie thread over in General, I don't know if "silly" is therefor a requirement for a thread to be closed  (joking.. sort of... I do think that thread has gone on past its prime and is getting a little ripe )

That being said, regarding the situation: The problem with the original post isn't that someone got angry and yelled. We all get angry at one point or another. Some more than others, some less than others. But everyone gets angry and nearly everyone yells at some point, to a child, to a spouse, to a pet. We can't sit here and pretend we're all angels of course.

However, the problem is that the man in the OP is implied to have responded to the situation by just getting more and more angry at the dog. That is unfortunately a sign of a problem. It isn't acceptable. Period.

Anger is normal. Anger spiraling out-of-control at a defenseless being with no voice? Is not.


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

While we appreciate the extra help, some of you are getting dangerously close to backseat moderating which, you may hve noticed, is not a good thng.

I myself am inclined to keep the thread open for its entertainment value, at least for a while.


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## Sendiulino (Jun 20, 2011)

Whatever works I suppose


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

Anyone soliciting advice or opinions here should expect answers to the questions she hasn't asked, but should have. It's called being proactive. 

Frequently, the person asking for advice hates the proactive approach, but it would be irresponsible not to follow it.

We are probably never going to find out why jspuds felt compelled to join the forum, dredge up an old thread that everyone here had forgotten about years ago and take us to task for it. 

So we'll do what we do. We'll take the limited information presented and fill in the rest with our imaginations.



> Now I am reporting this thread to the admin and hopefully they will close it. It's getting sillier by the minute.


Not one single member has reported this thread. Is there some confusion about how to do that?


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## RBark (Sep 10, 2007)

YAY! I get to use this again!


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## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

I wish that thing had sound.


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## xxxxdogdragoness (Jul 22, 2010)

He's lucky that it was a retriever he yelled at & not a breed like Izze, Izze wouldn't take kindly to being yelled at bit she wouldn't pee or anything like that, she would have "snarked" at him, if hr would have pushed his luck, she would have bitten him for sure.

She was raises by women as well, all she knows is women so a man yelling at her would be very offending to her.


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## cynster (Feb 26, 2011)

I do think we tend to jump to conclusions easily on this forum, myself included. I think what that guy said was valid, though brash. I agree that some more relevant advice should probably have been given but it's not our job as a community to give advice, at least that I am aware of. We just give opinions, whether they are useful or not.


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## BoxMeIn21 (Apr 10, 2007)

Wow, someone was bored.


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## +two (Jul 12, 2011)

BoxMeIn21 said:


> Wow, someone was bored.




(too short)


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

I think the OP WAS given some good and valid advice - it just wasn't the advice she wanted.

And there's actually no indication that she ever came back to even read the responses.


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