# Dog obeys my husband but not me



## prettybirdy27 (Jul 26, 2013)

Hi, I'm new here. My husband and I adopted a rescue dog in May named Penny. She's a jack russell terrier and beagle mix. She adores my husband and listens to every command he gives; yet with me, she ignores me.

We both work during the day so she is put in a kennel. However yesterday I stayed home from work, and she absolutely ran amuck around the house. I couldn't seem to control her. 

She pooped on the floor, 
she ate all the cat food, 
she pulled the top off the tub of cat food and pigged out, 
she stole a box of cheese-its my husband had left on his desk, carried it into her kennel, ripped it open and pigged out
She jumped up on the cat's perch (the cat is 14 and needs a lower perch because she can't jump as high) and when I commanded her to get down, she walked away, stopped, and peed where she stood. She didn't squat, she just stopped and let it go where she was standing, then kept walking.

All of this happened while I was doing something like going to the bathroom, and several of these things happened while I fell asleep on the couch. She doesn't behave like this at all around my husband, just when it's only me and her at home. She will come when I call, but only after I've called several times. What am I doing wrong?


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## Curbside Prophet (Apr 28, 2006)

Well, the crate should be used when you can't watch her. That goes for both you and your husband.

Then, there's the lack of management. Your dog should not have access the the kitties stuff, or to free food.

But above all, you said nothing about how you motivate the dog to do behaviors you prefer. This, I'm sure, is the crux of the problem.


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## prettybirdy27 (Jul 26, 2013)

Curbside Prophet said:


> Well, the crate should be used when you can't watch her. That goes for both you and your husband.
> 
> Then, there's the lack of management. Your dog should not have access the the kitties stuff, or to free food.
> 
> But above all, you said nothing about how you motivate the dog to do behaviors you prefer. This, I'm sure, is the crux of the problem.


We run into issues with the cat food. The cat is 14 and can't jump very high; anywhere high I try to put the food that she can still reach, Penny can easily get to. The cat doesn't like to climb into things (say, if I were to cut a hole in a cardboard box and put the food in there) I think because it reminds her of being put in the carrier. So I'm not sure how to resolve that issue. Both pets are fed certain amounts at specific times of day (so they can't just graze all day) but on occasion the cat will leave a small portion uneaten, and that was the case yesterday.

Regarding how I motivate the dog, I try to give her pets/hugs or if I have a treat handy when she does something like come when I call. But I admit I don't do it 100% of the time. Especially if I have to call her 7 or 8 times before she will come - I have a hard time rewarding that behavior. My husband does not reward her 100% of the time either.

Rewarding her when she obeys...does this include when she is caught doing something bad and she obeys my command to stop? I am afraid that if she, say, jumped on the cat's perch again and I commanded her to get down and then gave her a treat, that she might think she's getting a treat because she was on the perch.


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## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

You really need to reward when she obeys commands to stop doing something. If she wants to be on the cat perch, but listens when you tell her to get down, you need to reward that, or else she'll decide that continuing to be on the cat perch is more rewarding. "Leave it" or "off" or whatever is still a command that needs to be reinforced, just like "sit", so that she is motivated to do it. Some dogs do chain behavior and realize that jumping up, then jumping off, is a good way to earn a treat, but many dogs don't make this jump. If she does this, make her get off, then do something else, like sit, before rewarding her. Or try to interrupt her before she actually jumps up, then reward her for not jumping up.

I would feed the cat in a closed room or something, and if she doesn't finish it, take it away for later. Leaving food at dog level is very tempting, and it sounds like her training is not at the point where she can be expected to leave it alone. Train a solid "leave it", and then only leave the cat food out while you're supervising and can remind her of the "leave it" and reward her when she does. Don't give her a chance to get it wrong right now.

It sounds like the main problem is that you are giving her way too many opportunities to get into trouble, and then reacting to it after the fact. Manage her environment better so she can't get into too many things, then focus on simple training to build your bond with her.


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## prettybirdy27 (Jul 26, 2013)

Thank you, that's pretty solid advice. I hadn't thought of the whole "thinking the bad behavior is more rewarding if I don't reward her for stopping it" angle.

Also I wanted to say, my husband is convinced that Penny is trying to assert dominance over me. I don't think that's it, because she has been home alone with me plenty of times before and never acted the way she did yesterday. Is it possible that her behavior yesterday (and also doing things like not coming when I call but coming when he does) is a way for her to assert dominance over me?


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## ireth0 (Feb 11, 2013)

prettybirdy27 said:


> Thank you, that's pretty solid advice. I hadn't thought of the whole "thinking the bad behavior is more rewarding if I don't reward her for stopping it" angle.
> 
> Also I wanted to say, my husband is convinced that Penny is trying to assert dominance over me. I don't think that's it, because she has been home alone with me plenty of times before and never acted the way she did yesterday. Is it possible that her behavior yesterday (and also doing things like not coming when I call but coming when he does) is a way for her to assert dominance over me?


In short; no.

Dog/human dominance isn't a thing.


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## Crantastic (Feb 3, 2010)

I posted a lot of good links about dominance theory (and how it was debunked quite a while back) on this thread:


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## Cattledogfanatic (Sep 18, 2011)

No. Dominance between people and dogs is not a thing. She doesn't know what behavior is expected of her. You may think she does but she doesn't. Dogs are complicatedly simple. They are oppertunists. They do what works. If you reward her with something high value (and I don't know what that is because I don't know your dog) you will become more rewarding to her and she will look to you more for advice on what to do in different situations.


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## RoughCollie (Mar 7, 2011)

These ideas may help:

1. Take Penny to an obedience class - make sure it involves positive reinforcement training. Between classes, work with her on everything she has learned for 10 minutes at a time, 3 times a day. More often if she wants it, less time if she has trouble concentrating for 10 minutes. The first command she should learn is the "watch me" or "look" command. IMO, that is the first command a dog needs to learn. Aidan learned "watch me" because he decided that "look" means he should immediately look out the window.

I take Aidan to an AKC obedience training club in our town for training classes and socialization. These classes and meetings take place in the evenings on weekdays. Here's a link you can use to discover if there is a club near you. The dogs do not have to be purebred and they don't have to participate in AKC obedience trials. The classes are just plain vanilla training classes, from puppy to advanced. http://www.akc.org/events/obedience/training_clubs/

2. Go to Youtube and look at Kikopup's videos on how to train your dog. She has tons of great videos.

3. Put Penny in her crate while the cat is eating. Give Penny something to do in the crate -- Aidan likes bully sticks.

4.  Have a place for everything and keep everything in its place.  Anything your dog can carry off, especially food, is fair game to the dog. If it's food, she will eat it. If it's anything else, and a person is there, she is probably bored and wants to play chase. Terriers are mischievous. It took me a long time to be able to predict which things would be attractive to Aidan, and after 2.5 years, I sometimes guess wrong and leave something lying around that he gets. Someone left a clean knife on the counter the other day, and Aidan grabbed it. Thank goodness he held it by its handle. So, even when we think all Aidan attractive items are out of his reach, he adds to the list of items we have to be extra careful about.

Having a terrier has been good for us -- our house is a lot neater and less cluttered. 

5. Aidan needs a lot of attention and exercise, or he amuses himself. I've been taking him with me everywhere I go for the last couple of days, and he has been overjoyed both days, and too tired to get into trouble once we come home. 

Since you and your husband both work, I suggest you look into dog daycares in your area. When Aidan goes to the one near us, he comes home exhausted and happy because he has played all day. In the alternative, perhaps you could find a dog walker to take your dog out in the middle of the day for a long walk, and then play with her for awhile before re-crating her.

6. Either Penny is not housebroken, or she is not taken out often enough. First, I would make sure that she has no medical problems if that is a concern (worms, UTI). Then I would start anew with housetraining her, and make sure she is taken out often enough. There is a lot of information here about how to housetrain a dog. 

I would also take a look at her food and make sure I was feeding her a 4- or 5-star dog food: http://www.dogfoodadvisor.com/ . Food quality has a lot to do with how often and how much a dog poops, I've found. While you are there, sign up for email alerts about recalls.

My terrier requires a lot of time and attention (training, playtime, exercise, and snuggle time). He is an equal-opportunity lover of family, but it is obvious that I am "his person". The reason for that is that I feed him, I take him outside, I play with him, I train him, I groom him, and I take him to the vet, the dog daycare, the training classes, the office, to friends' houses. There are five others in my family, and they collectively do not spend the amount of time I do with Aidan.


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## packetsmom (Mar 21, 2013)

I think what you're describing, aside from the issues with managing her environment so that she can't get into mischief as easily, is a lack of engagement with the dog. Part of engagement is forming a bond with the dog so that they want to work with you versus doing whatever pops into their heads at any given moment. It sounds like your husband has more of this going on right now with the dog than you do.

Dogs are pretty simple creatures. They do and pay attention to the things that reward them the most. If doing something naughty is more rewarding than doing what you want, they'll choose to do the naughty thing. If things around them are more exciting to them than you, you'll have trouble getting them to come to you when called. In the beginning, especially, it's important to do the work you need to do to make yourself more fun and more exciting than the environment around them that you're competing with for their attention. You can use both treats and play to do this. When the dog comes, every time, throw a party with treats and/or play and praise. Do this even if the dog is slow to come to you and you'll usually see the dog start to come quicker and more easily. After all, coming to you means good things now. Being consistent and generous with treats and other rewards really does help a lot. Same thing when teaching "leave it." Being generous and consistent with treats for leaving whatever it is you want them to leave alone really does get more consistent behavior from the dog.

I'd also say that I'd probably also look for things you and the dog can do together, without your husband or at least with him in the background. This will help the two of you bond and the dog begin to see that you're a fun person, too. Playing can be great, walks are good, but an obedience class together can be even better with a positive trainer. You can also try hand feeding her her food for a bit.

Other than that, there are lots of stickies on specific problems here like potty training. I think the main issue that is bothering you the most, though, is that the dog does not seem motivated to obey you, but is for your husband. Working on engagement with the dog will definitely help with that. Even if you're not excited to play with the dog or when you reward the dog, you may have to fake some excitement for a while until it feels genuine and you have a better relationship going on.

Good luck and let us know how it goes!


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## hueyeats (Apr 2, 2013)

Supervison is an owner's responsibilites...
Like supervising and spending time with a (baby, under age children... same with a new dog or puppy who is just learning *your* houserules).

Babyproofing (dog & puppy proofing) is also that owner's (parents) responsibilities.

And if you can... Read Randy's Grim "Don't dump the dog" (not saying you are but good to brush up why people dump their dogs and the excuses they make)... Highly recommended pg. 139 (+/-). Its about the wife who cannot get that dog "copper" to "obey" her too...

Above all... remember.
Your dog never truely have choices to choose like how humans chose the dogs they adopt.
So in all respect we humans owed... is at least treat what & whom we chose "right".


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