# Not Enjoying New Puppy



## Olliedog (Jun 24, 2010)

Hi there, I am very glad to be here and hope that someone can offer some advice and/or comfort to a couple of new puppy owners. My spouse and myself adopted a mix breed puppy (believed to be boxer/shep/lab) a few weeks ago. He was just over 9 weeks old when we brought him home, and we were off to a great start. He is generally a well-mannered puppy who is calm but confident in new situations, around new people, and when he encounters other dogs and animals. He immediately took to potty training, and also learned “here”, “sit”, “down”, “paw”, and we are working on “leave it”, “watch”, and “stay”. He generally walks loose-leash at our side, and recently realized how to play fetch. We are a young active couple with sufficient time and love for a dog, and I have raised other puppies (while this is his first). He sleeps comfortably in his crate all night, comes out for exercise/play/etc. for about 2 hours, then is crated for two 3.5 hour chunks (with an hour break to play outside in the middle) while we work. He has lots of mind-stimulating toys, and does not seem to mind his crated time. When we arrive home, he is out of the crate until bed time (about 7 hours, from 3-10) – outside with us, playing, going for walks, and relaxing at our feet.

Now that I have set things up for you, I want to say that despite all of our dogs’ great traits – we are not enjoying him like we should be. We really want to appreciate and take advantage of his puppy months, but he is now driving us both CRAZY. I realize the behaviors I will describe below are fairly typical, but I have not had the same problems with my past puppies, and am looking for suggestions and guidance. Specifically, I am looking for both constructive training/behavioral ideas, but also ideas on how we can have more FUN! with our puppy – for both of our sakes.

1.	While he went weeks with no accidents in the house, whining whenever he had to relieve himself, he now pees at will throughout our home with no warning. 

2.	He does not “enjoy” going outside. We are outdoorsy people who love to go to the park, lay in the grass, etc. and from the moment we leave the doorway he is looking longingly back at our home, or trying to pull towards our yard. He previously loved going for adventures and would trot politely alongside us, but now he drags behind us if we walk even a few meters from our door. He has just as much (if not more) energy when it comes to playing and being destructive as he had previously, and there has been no traumatic event marking his desire to stay home. In fact, we used to play “fetch” in a small ball field area (completely enclosed), until the past few days – when he has attempted to find ANY means of escaping the fence to run home. He does not seem particularly scared or upset, just like he would really rather chew on our furniture than play outside. We have tried rewarding consistently with treats and praise when he walks with us, but he doesn’t seem overly motivated by those things – I think he hears “good boy!” so much that he no longer cares. 

3.	He no longer even attempts to listen to the commands he had very readily learned. Particularly, he completely ignores my spouse and refuses to focus on him with any attention. They are home alone together a lot of the time (I work longer hours), and it is becoming very taxing on my spouse. He does not listen to basic commands like sit, down (which he responded to about 90% of the time during the past weeks), nor does he respond to our more urgent requests not to chew power cords or jump on neighborhood children. I realize that puppies are not going to be 100% consistent – but it was a sudden change from listening and being fairly polite, to ignoring us and the “rules” completely.

4.	He constantly rips at our pantlegs when we are walking. The “leave it” command is not proving to have any success with this, any advice you have about discouraging this would be wonderful. In fact, we need help with “leave it” in general when it comes to destroying anything he can reach on the floor. He is still leashed in our home, but the moment you look away to the tv screen he has inhaled a cord, gnaws the coffee table, or eats a few cat toys. 

Basically, we are constantly annoyed and needing to "cool down" so we can maintain patience – and it is hurting our relationship with our puppy. We really want to ENJOY him, play with him, and bond with him but are at a loss on how to engage him and train him, like a dead end. We have both begun dreading our time with him, where we will try to drag him to the park, try to play with him with no real attention/engagement, listen to him whine to go home, have him hanging off of our pantlegs, or have him messing in the house. How can we connect and bond and have FUN with our lovely puppy, while also working on improving the negatives that are driving us crazy? We are willing and capable – we just need a gameplan!

Thanks in advance, and I hope we don’t seem too horrible! We just want to be the best pet-parents we can be.

NOTE: He has not yet received all of the vaccination schedule necessary to attend the dog park or puppy training classes, but we intend to add both to our days ASAP. He does, however, have doggie playdates with the dogs of a family member.


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## myewlo (Aug 23, 2007)

It sounds like your puppy is going through one of those "testing" stages.

I had the same problems with walking/outdoor play. Linux (11 wks) would halt and not take any step further away from home. You just have to be firm about it and have lots of patience/time. She's really become troublesome but I'm chalking it up to the fact that she's trying to test her boundaries. 

& we are still working on the pulling on the pant leg thing. Our 3 yr. old beagle did this too, when she was a puppy and she eventually grew out of it. 

My advice is to stay consistent, no matter the strain you feel. It won't last forever!!


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## Cracker (May 25, 2009)

Olliedog said:


> Now that I have set things up for you, I want to say that despite all of our dogs’ great traits – we are not enjoying him like we should be. We really want to appreciate and take advantage of his puppy months, but he is now driving us both CRAZY. I realize the behaviors I will describe below are fairly typical, but I have not had the same problems with my past puppies, and am looking for suggestions and guidance. Specifically, I am looking for both constructive training/behavioral ideas, but also ideas on how we can have more FUN! with our puppy – for both of our sakes.





> 1.	While he went weeks with no accidents in the house, whining whenever he had to relieve himself, he now pees at will throughout our home with no warning.


Housetraining is not immediate, and regressions occur off and on sometimes up until a year of age. PREVENTION and management are key. You may want to have his urine checked if there is concern about UTI, but it is likely he is going through a growth period and when that happens the muscles don't work as well. You need to set up a potty schedule around him and his ability. Outside before and after meals, naps, play, any excitement etc. When in doubt take him out. He's only about 12 weeks right now and he is NOT able to be reliably signalling you. 

Oh and he should not be allowed "throughout the home" at will. Crating, tethering or umbilical training is necessary. If you cannot be actively supervising he should be confined. Set him up to succeed, this is a human training issue, not a puppy issue.


2


> .	He does not “enjoy” going outside. We are outdoorsy people who love to go to the park, lay in the grass, etc. and from the moment we leave the doorway he is looking longingly back at our home, or trying to pull towards our yard. He previously loved going for adventures and would trot politely alongside us, but now he drags behind us if we walk even a few meters from our door. He has just as much (if not more) energy when it comes to playing and being destructive as he had previously, and there has been no traumatic event marking his desire to stay home. In fact, we used to play “fetch” in a small ball field area (completely enclosed), until the past few days – when he has attempted to find ANY means of escaping the fence to run home. He does not seem particularly scared or upset, just like he would really rather chew on our furniture than play outside. We have tried rewarding consistently with treats and praise when he walks with us, but he doesn’t seem overly motivated by those things – I think he hears “good boy!” so much that he no longer cares.


He is very likely at the start of the 3-4 month old development phase (often happens around 4 1/2 months but can be earlier) where they stop suddenly on walks and just sit there, try to run home and are just basically WORRIED about everything around them. Again, this is perfectly normal behaviour. Similar to what children go through at about 3 years of age, the age of shyness and hiding behind mum's skirts. It's a change of neurological nature and will pass, continue with positive socialization as much as you can but don't force him to interact too much. 

You are using positive methods and that is important but if you see he is not interested in the treats, he is likely STRESSED or you are using lower value treats than are necessary for working under stress or competing distractions.


3


> .	He no longer even attempts to listen to the commands he had very readily learned. Particularly, he completely ignores my spouse and refuses to focus on him with any attention. They are home alone together a lot of the time (I work longer hours), and it is becoming very taxing on my spouse. He does not listen to basic commands like sit, down (which he responded to about 90% of the time during the past weeks), nor does he respond to our more urgent requests not to chew power cords or jump on neighborhood children. I realize that puppies are not going to be 100% consistent – but it was a sudden change from listening and being fairly polite, to ignoring us and the “rules” completely.


Puppies don't "learn" commands permanently right away. It can take months, many many months and hundreds of repetitions to get true stimulus control. His attention span is not there, his learning retention is not there and the likely reason for your early success is in the beginning the pups imprint on their new people for survivals sake, it's innate, not intellectual. That fades as puppy matures. This is where continued training and reward comes in. As for the chewing, SUPERVISE. Just like with the housetraining. He doesn't KNOW THE RULES YET. They are YOUR rules, not his. He cannot be expected at three months of age to not jump on people, keep a leash on him for greetings, get your sit FIRST and reward him with a hello. Stand on the leash if you have to to prevent the jumping, while you continue training "if you want to meet the people/child you MUST SIT FIRST" and don't allow people to say hi until he's sitting. This is training and management to prevent the behaviour. 



> 4.	He constantly rips at our pantlegs when we are walking. The “leave it” command is not proving to have any success with this, any advice you have about discouraging this would be wonderful. In fact, we need help with “leave it” in general when it comes to destroying anything he can reach on the floor. He is still leashed in our home, but the moment you look away to the tv screen he has inhaled a cord, gnaws the coffee table, or eats a few cat toys.


When you are sitting there, watching tv, puppy should be leashed with the leash UNDER YOUR FOOT so you can feel him moving around. HE should also have something appropriate (a stuffed kong, a beef chew) to work on while you are not paying attention. Of course he's going to chew something when he's there being ignored, bored and teething. Give him the right thing. If you cannot monitor him, put him in his crate with a chewy so you don't have to worry or stress out.
For the pantlegs/leash grabbing/shoe lace grabbing etc...give him something ELSE to put in his mouth or carry. Keep that mouth occupied. The trick to training is not to "correct" a natural impulse but to channel it into something appropriate. THen continue under better circumstances to work on leave it an drop it.



> Basically, we are constantly annoyed and needing to "cool down" so we can maintain patience – and it is hurting our relationship with our puppy. We really want to ENJOY him, play with him, and bond with him but are at a loss on how to engage him and train him, like a dead end. We have both begun dreading our time with him, where we will try to drag him to the park, try to play with him with no real attention/engagement, listen to him whine to go home, have him hanging off of our pantlegs, or have him messing in the house. How can we connect and bond and have FUN with our lovely puppy, while also working on improving the negatives that are driving us crazy? We are willing and capable – we just need a gameplan!
> 
> Thanks in advance, and I hope we don’t seem too horrible! We just want to be the best pet-parents we can be.


You are not horrible, you are asking for help. BUT your expectations are FAR TOO HIGH for a pup of this age. As our resident dinosaur trainer here on DF says, "Puppies can do no wrong". It's funny you know, the number of people who say "my other dogs were not like this as puppies!" are dreamin. We tend to forget, as our dogs develop into the amazing loved adults, grow old and pass on, that they were chewing, peeing, jumping crazy puppies for the first year or two. Some are certainly worse than others, but ALL go through these stages.

You need to get into a positive training class. Get some books to read on puppies (The Puppy WHisperer by Paul Owens is great) and puppy training and manage, train, manage, train, manage and train some more. Training sessions should be very short and always end on a good note. Puppies SLEEP and NEED sleep for hours and hours a day so don't be too surprised if he's not in the mood to play. His body is growing at a very fast rate, they get tired, sore and cranky sometimes. 

Frustration is normal, but shouldn't be aimed at the puppy. Use your crate diligently and keep positive. This too shall pass.


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## cadmear (Jun 24, 2010)

Honestly, raising a puppy isn't a cake walk [I'm sure you know that haha]

Like people, dogs go through stages in life when they test the boundaries. [this will happen again during the teen months as well]
This isn't rebellion, it's curiosity. Boundaries make people and animals feel safe. So set your boundaries consistently and the stage should pass.


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## infiniti (Mar 19, 2010)

Have you ever been around a baby? 

Think "Terrible Twos" ... only in dog terms. 

You'll get through it.


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## doxiemommy (Dec 18, 2009)

I totally agree with all the advice you're getting! There are some very wise and experienced dog owners here! 
Just remember, that the stages puppies go through are developmental stages, based in neurological and physical changes. We may think our puppies have mastered something because they can do it almost every time we ask, for days, or even weeks, but as their bodies and brains change, that may affect the way they respond to us.
Sometimes, we take advantage of my brother-in-law's willingness to puppy sit, and have an evening out!  That can really help refresh you, and give you a break!


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## Robrowe (Jan 25, 2010)

Good advice above.
Patience and repetition.
The only thing I didnt see Cracker offer for his behavoir with your spouse.
He may need to see her as higher pack member. Have her hand feed. He who controls resources is a higher member of the pack. I had the same issues with my spouse and children and while Murphy doesnt act as good with them as he does with me he respects their pack order. Another common mistake is to get down on their level for play etc. Always while they are pups and learning keep a commanding presence OVER them, not under or at the same level. As soon as you get down on or below their level you have just become a littermate as far as they are concerned and you will be treated accordingly. I am still battling this one with my kids as they just want to get in the floor with him and play and cuddle. Eventually they will be able to but for now we have to keep the pack order in order.


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## Marsh Muppet (Nov 29, 2008)

Everybody doesn't enjoy puppies. I don't.

Don't get me wrong. I love them to death, I just don't find having one especially enjoyable. Yeah, they're cute and fascinating, and they make me laugh, but they are a lot of work. They are a lot of work for months on end.

As Cracker said, puppy learning is not permanent. It is a common newbie mistake to believe that a pup is trained after he's learned a few commands, and stops peeing in the house for a while. A puppy can't be considered fully house broken 'til he's 5 or 6 months old (some take even longer). A puppy isn't trained to the basic commands without months of reinforcement on them. They go through periods where everything makes them skittish, and some go through a phase where they act like they want to fight you over anything they claimed as their own. Many go through a destructive phase that is hard to appreciate until you've lived through it, and I'll place a sizable bet that your Lab/Shep/Boxer mix will give a good account of himself in that department.

All these things are perfectly normal, but take constant vigilance and careful management. It's all more than worth the trouble after you've got a sensible, well behave best friend at the end of it.

Good luck, but don't expect it to be all rainbows and unicorns.


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## crittermom (Jan 14, 2010)

I promise you are not alone! My puppy is almost 9 months, and I'm finally starting to enjoy her (I know this sounds mean, and I love her to pieces, but she has been so frustrating, like all pups). Mine was great until 4 1/2 to 5 months. She then seemed to forget EVERYTHING we taught her, started peeing in the house again, started ignoring us (like when we'd say come, she woudl start to, but then see something else more exciting), started pulling on a leash, and getting scared of anything new around her, and was all around just a pain. We continued wiht our training, changed a few things, and suddenly she is much better again. Walking fairly well on a leash, learning a heal, fetching well, obeying commands pretty well, doing excellent with recall (we still don't ask for it unless we're pretty sure she'll come) and is finally enjoying being petted and loved on. She still has a long way to go before she's that "perfect dog" but training continues through a lifetime. 

We have the same issue with her not listening as well to My SO. I think part of the problem with us was that I took her to puppy class, I did most of the training, and HE played roughhouse with her from the beginning. All she wants to do is PLAY with him, not listen to what he asks. Then he gets frustrated, asks her over and over again, and raises his voice. She then gets scared and submissive, learns to ignore him since he's repeating himself, and all involved are left frustrated. After addressing these things, it is getting better, and the puppy is starting to respect him much more. Don't know if any of these things are issues with your SO, but just know you are not alone. Good luck!


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## theyogachick (Aug 2, 2009)

Funny you should post this. I am feeling the same way. We have had Gracie for about 2 months and I still don't really feel bonded to her or enjoy her like I feel I should. The most frustrating part for me is that I am with her all day. I feed her, walk her, train her, etc., but she listens more to my husband who is NEVER home...I tell her to come and she runs away. He tells her to come and she comes running. I am so emotionally drained I can't take it anymore. There are days I want out...want someone else to deal with it because I am heartbroken that she obviously has bonded more to the person who does very little for her. It is a constant battle between her and I...and now she is refusing to eat on top of refusing to listen to me, so I am thrilled...and hubby isn't home. She has slept all day. When he is here, she wants to play...when he leaves, she wants nothing to do with toys, etc. 

I actually told hubby yesterday that she has broken me and I don't want dogs anymore after her...she has driven me to the brink of insanity.


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## Marsh Muppet (Nov 29, 2008)

theyogachick said:


> The most frustrating part for me is that I am with her all day. I feed her, walk her, train her, etc., but she listens more to my husband who is NEVER home...I tell her to come and she runs away. He tells her to come and she comes running.


This too is normal. My pup acted like he hated me for quite a while because I was always there, standing between him and whatever mayhem he had his heart set on.


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## Cracker (May 25, 2009)

Yoga chick,
Can you send Gracie to a doggy daycare or petsitter for a day and get yourself out and about and do something for yourself?
She's new to you and a rescue at that, this can make developing a relationship harder. She may find dad more fun because he is not the "everyday" person, I know most of my walking client dogs are better with me than their owners, cuz I'm the 'firm but FUN" person and they only see me for short periods ata time. Like a favourite aunt. 
Both you and the OP most likely need a break from the dogs. We all get overwhelmed sometimes and I have had my share of "why did I get you?" moments with Cracker when her SA was so bad I couldn't go anywhere without her for MONTHS without a sitter in place (I live alone). 
It passes.


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## doxiemommy (Dec 18, 2009)

Cracker, I'm glad you said what you said about how it's sometimes harder to develop a relationship with the new puppy, and a rescue at that. I felt like such a bad puppy mommy when we got Abby. I cuddled her, and took care of her, and trained her, but I felt a much closer bond with Harper.
I have to say, thankfully, it is getting so much better! I really love that spunky little girl!

I also agree that sometimes it is so helpful to get away and take a break! And, actually, my boyfriend enjoys time alone with the puppies, so I can just get away for a bit. Or, if we both want to get away, we have plenty of family members that love the puppies and love to puppy sit!


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## theyogachick (Aug 2, 2009)

There's no where around here that will take b/c she is not old enough according to their rules, and petsitters around here have to come to you instead of you coming to them, so that is out.

I am on my last leg here. She was horrible in puppy class, is refusing to eat her food but wanting to steal my other dog's, being overall disobedient. I know she is testing me and, unfortunately, she is winning...I have been in tears for the last 30 minutes and hubby is two hours away. I really don't think I can do this anymore. I usually look forward to summer because I am a teacher and I have time off, but I have gotten no time off...only more stress.

Sorry to hijack post, OP, but I think you and I are in the same boat. Overwhelmed and over it. There are more days that I want to give her back than keep her at this point and I feel horrible about it. I know it isn't her fault. I just don't know how to handle her, I guess.

Everywhere I go, she goes. I go for walks, she goes. I go to the pet store, she goes. I go to a drive thru at the bank, she goes. I am trying to bond with her and it isn't working.


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## Cracker (May 25, 2009)

theyogachick said:


> > I am on my last leg here. She was horrible in puppy class, is refusing to eat her food but wanting to steal my other dog's, being overall disobedient.
> 
> 
> Separate the dogs for feeding. Use the crate.
> ...


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## Crantastic (Feb 3, 2010)

Theyogachick, I remember you started a thread a while back about how your husband, despite being the one who wanted a new dog and specifically a puppy (while you wanted an older dog), isn't helping with Gracie much at all. Is that still happening? If so, and you've had all the responsibility foisted on you, I wouldn't blame you for returning Gracie. I would think less of someone who adopted a dog and took it back when it was more trouble than they expected... but you didn't ask for or expect this, and you're not getting the help and support you need.

If you do want to keep her, I agree with Cracker... you need some time away from her. I can't imagine being with my pup (a similar age to Gracie) 24/7 -- I love the little dude, but I'd go nuts if I couldn't get away from him sometimes. My mom looks after him while I'm at work, and he sleeps in his crate for an hour or two sometimes while I do other stuff. The pup and I are both happy!


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## doxiemommy (Dec 18, 2009)

Yoga chick: Do you have any family nearby? My brother-in-law and his family LOVE our pups and look forward to puppy sitting. We trust them, and are able to enjoy some time away from the puppies! That can do wonders for giving you some fresh perspective!

I know Gracie is going everywhere with you in part so you can try to bond with her, but this is just too much for you! You need to leave her home, crated, occasionally! I know it sounds funny, but there are times I actually enjoy grocery shopping now, because I get a bit of a break and don't have to constantly be watching the puppies!

I'm so sorry you are feeling so overwhelmed!


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## deege39 (Dec 29, 2008)

The only advice I can give, mimics most of what other people have already said... 

But because I enjoy being the "redundant".  

Take some time to yourself! Really. You have no idea how much it helps! I work at a doggy-daycare, and just about everyday I'm dealing with at least 30 dogs, (different ages and breeds of course) so by the end of the day, needless to say, I don't even want to _look_ at another dog. Fortunately, I've only got one little guy of my own, and he can sense when to stay out of my way... But it gets tough, still. So on my days off, I always push myself to get out of the house for just a couple hours without my dog... We're together 24/7, and would be if I didn't push for a couple hours "me time", and he's not even active.


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## theyogachick (Aug 2, 2009)

So much good advice.

I am going to work on getting out of the house more...more "me" time...and I think I need a book called "Zen and the Art of Dog Raising"  I did go to teh grocery this morning and took my sweet time...it was nice (and I hate the grocery). Hubby said she was miserable while I was gone...whining, pacing, etc., but she got over it.

I talked to hubby last night (and Crantastic, you are right--I wanted an older dog). He has agreed to take Gracie to puppy class by himself next week (I have taken her all the other times) so I can have an hour of free time.

I do not want to get rid of her. We do love her and she has connected to us and our other dog and I think it would be so mean to give her back now.

And OP, I hope all is going better. I totally feel for you and I hope it helps to know you aren't alone.


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## LindaA (May 25, 2010)

Yogagirl and OP, I feel for both of you. I was in your shoes with Sadie for several months. I didn't think I would make it either, but she has turned into a very loving girl. She still has her rambunctious times being a bc mix but we have bonded so tightly it isn't funny . 

Yogagirl - Like your situation my Sadie seemed to bond more to my DH at first and I think it was because I was her main caretaker, walker, play time etc etc etc. He was something "new" to play with. Now she is becoming my velco dog, but still loves her daddy too. It does get better with time, believe me. Someday you will look back on these days with fond memories...believe it or not!! I'm very glad you are getting out by yourself, you will appreciate her more by doing this, and she will definitely appreciate you more because she will miss you. Good luck to you.


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