# Depressed after adopting rescues (lengthy)



## mrsjanuary (May 25, 2013)

I am new here, and actually signed up because I'm having a horrible time dealing with the new rescues we got yesterday. (A red heeler mix puppy who is about 3 1/2 months, as well as an 11 month old kitty).

We (my husband, myself, and my 10 year old son) just bought our first house a year ago, so there are still lots of boxes around that have to be sorted through, and the house and yard are not quite where they need to be yet. We're working on them slowly but surely. My husband works full time and is also a full time student. I work at home and was planning to go back to school in the fall (after taking a brief break which I'm currently in). My husband works graveyards, so I'm the one who handles a lot around the house.

I have grown up with dogs and cats and loved them dearly, but I've never been the primary care giver. I've always wanted a chance to have them on my own, but never have. 

Last summer we had two husky mixes dumped on us unexpectedly. We already knew them, but weren't expecting to get them. We were told they were house trained, obedience trained, etc. As it turns out, that was all a lie. The moment they came to us I was depressed and crying constantly. I had to shoulder almost all of the work myself and was constantly exhausted. I refused to take them to a shelter, so after a couple of months of handling it and making phone calls I found a rescue to take them. They have since found wonderful homes, and I know I did the right thing by them.

Recently though, I've felt that maybe we were ready for pets of our own, and I've been hounding my husband for us to go take a look at the shelter. He wants me to be happy so he agreed. We went, and though neither of us expected to adopt for sure, we ended up falling in love with a kitty and a red heeler puppy. The very next day we went through the adoption process and brought them both home.

From the moment we got them home, I have been a sobbing mess. Many realities have sunk in that I just wasn't prepared for. The puppy is not house or crate trained, the cat leaves tons of white hairs everywhere. I've realized just how hefty MY work load is going to be, and it among many other factors has made me a mess. Both the cat and the puppy are as sweet as can be. They are precious and loving. 

Why can't I stop crying? I've cried for a solid two days now, my eyes are puffy and I'm painfully depressed. My husband is upset because he doesn't know what to do to make me feel better, and he thinks that just maybe I jumped the gun and bit off more than I can chew. The thought has crossed my mind of taking them back, but I feel like such a horrible person for even thinking that. I've heard the whole "it will get better" bit but it never did when I had to care for those sweet huskies, what if it doesn't get better this time either? If we take them back, my husband won't want to adopt ever again, and I think he's upset that he gave in and got them in the first place considering how I'm reacting. This is what he was afraid of, but I didn't listen to him and thought I was ready. To make matters worse, I just received the news that my mother was diagnosed with colon cancer, yesterday. I am so beyond stressed that I just don't feel like I can handle things.

I'm exhausted and physically hurting from all the sobbing I'm doing, and I just can't seem to pull myself out of this. What is wrong with me? What do I do?:Cry:


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

You only just got them. It can take a month or more for dogs to settle into a new home and about the same for cats. 

The cat can't help that it sheds. All you can do is put hir on a good diet, groom hir properly and manage it. 

The puppy isn't going to be house broken because pups can't even control their bladders until they're about 6 months old. You also have a heeler, and they are a very high energy, driven breed. 
You're going to be taking the pup out to the bathroom every 15-20 minutes for potty, after meals, after play, maybe even during the night. You will have to find ways to keep the dog mentally occupied and physically satisfied until the dog can start going for walks. You'll also have to deal with nipping and chewing.

So, yes, your work load is going to be quite high.
You can either make a schedule and split responsibility between you, your husband and your son, or you can return the animals or work with the shelter to rehome them. It's not fair to you, your family or the animals to stress yourself out.


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## mrsjanuary (May 25, 2013)

Thank you, I haven't dealt with this before, so I'm feeling pretty lost.

I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make it sound like it's her fault she sheds, it isn't at all. I just (rather stupidly I'll admit) didn't consider all the little things like that before jumping into this. I'm not proud to admit that.

More than anything, I think I'm just feeling horrible because of how I'm reacting to all this. I don't know how to stop feeling like this.


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## Sparkles123 (Dec 3, 2012)

Give yourself a break! If you can't handle the situation, you need to re home these pets for your sake and theirs!
And stop blaming yourself and feeling horrible! You tried to do a great thing and it is not working out! Hopefully, these pets will find another loving home. Pls don't cry anymore!


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## Hambonez (Mar 17, 2012)

I have a grey cat, a black cat, an orange and white cat, and a black and tan dog. We just embrace the hair as part of life. We sweep and vacuum, and just live with it. Since we got the full rainbow of pet hair colors, no furniture or clothing is safe! It's worth it, we love them. 

I brought my dog home from the shelter a few days shy of 8 wks old, and cried every day for a long time. I knew raising a puppy would require constant attention, but despite my husband being on board, he really didn't know what it would take and isn't home as much as I am, so the responsibility was on me. It wasn't fun. He was a piranha. I just got bit and bit and bit and bit and bit. I felt like nothing I did was good enough. My time at home was taking the dog out every 20 minutes, and staring at the dog. Everyone told me it would be better in 3 months, and I thought everyone was full of it, but actually at just about the 3 month mark it all got easier and now we've had him for 15 months and it's not bad at all. Training classes and play groups helped a LOT, both with his behavior, and giving us activities to do together that were positive and helped us bond... and tired him out so I got a break!  Now we have our routine, and he's still a little bonkers at time, but I love the little punk and it's all just the new normal.


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## Shell (Oct 19, 2009)

You got them YESTERDAY. Of course things are going to feel crazy, overwhelming etc. It is normal.

A new puppy is very different circumstances than having two huskies dumped on you, so try not to compare the two situations. 

Shedding is easy- vacuum regularly, get the rolly things for your work clothes and ignore the rest. Yes, there will be animal hairs in your house. Fortunately, animal hairs are not the end of the world 

You'd be amazed how much easier a puppy is once they have some training and more importantly, you and the family have a routine in place. Give it a month at least, 2-3 months preferably. All major life changes take time to deal with. Unfortunately, you have been dealt another major life change in receiving the news about your mother. The puppy is a little young for doggie day care, but after 4 months old, you might consider even just 2-3 days per month of doggie daycare to give you a break and give him exercise and socializing. As the puppy gets older and can reasonably be crated for several hours or most of a work day, it will give you more time to take care of everything else in life. 

I had a good laugh today because I was at a friend's baby shower and the moms were talking about missing sleep and even though I don't have a child, I can relate since I haven't slept more than 1 hour in a row for the past week due to a puppy recuperating from surgery and there have been many many partially sleepless nights for prior incidents and prior puppies. I may not be changing diapers but I have spent the night cleaning up projectile poop from all over the house.... But it is oh so worth it when puppy cuddles or goes on a nice walk and I can see how happy he is and just spending time with puppy enjoying life. That's what you want to focus on.


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## Cotonlove (Jan 29, 2012)

First of all I send a hug to you. Why do you feel this way? I think you may be battling some depression and it sounds as if you are on overload with all your responsiblities. I am retired and I had and have all the time in the world but I still went through a horrible first few months. If I had it to do over again I would have either not gotten a pup or would have gotten a mature dog. Since you are feeling so awful and if you don't feel any better after a few days then I do think you should take them back. Chalk it up to a huge lesson learned. Life is too short to be miserable and your husband and child need you. I do wish you good luck and don't beat yourself up over this. Sounds like you have a nice husband that only wants you to be happy. Best wishes and good luck.


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

Hambonez said:


> I have a grey cat, a black cat, an orange and white cat, . . .


Just take them all back and get a calico. Same thing.
lolnojk xD


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## Hambonez (Mar 17, 2012)

HollowHeaven said:


> Just take them all back and get a calico. Same thing.
> lolnojk xD


lol.

Not hardly! 

Calicos pee everywhere. My boys are meticulous with their box habits!


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## blenderpie (Oct 5, 2012)

I'm going to say that you aren't the home for a puppy.

Not because you are overwhelmed and crying...that's actually par for the course with puppies, but because you have no idea what a realistic expectation is for one. Of course a 3 month old puppy isn't house or crate trained, you haven't taught him yet. And, with not being previously trained being the reason you got rid of your previous dogs instead of just training them, I'm not sure you're prepared to do it.

He'll have a better chance of being adopted now than at six months still untrained.

Maybe you're just a cat person. While it's fun and completely possible to train a cat, it's not necessary to live happily with them. Lots of snuggles and laughs without having to go on any walks, spend any nights waking up every hour for the first few months, having all of your clothing full of bite holes (and corresponding marks on your skin).

Maybe in a few years, after hanging around here and watching/reading material from positive reinforcement trainers you'll be ready for an ADULT dog of a low energy breed.


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## Willowy (Dec 10, 2007)

I hate to play armchair psychologist but it sounds to me like a pet-related form of postpartum depression. It happens to people who adopt, too, so it's not just the hormones from giving birth. It's just a thing that happens to some people. The stress of the new commitment, the shock of changing routine, etc. So I won't give any advice on how to deal with the animals because I don't think it will help until the larger issue is addressed.


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## BostonBullMama (Apr 20, 2013)

Hun, relax. Breathe. Everything really truly and honestly will be okay.
I might make 1 suggestion though... take the heeler back to the shelter, you've bought a very high-energy, driven dog, and they can be wreckless if not getting enough exercise or attention. My Mom has 2 blue heelers and they are now 2 years old and only JUST calming down. I think having just the cat (who will relatively care for itself) will provide you with enough to adjust to for now. Feed her, love her, pet her, brush her, and change her litter. No walks, no peeing on the floor, no chewed up furniture, no real training necessary. They are easy. Once you've adjusted to that, maybe add 1 more cat and see how you feel about having 2 cats. 
Personally, I wouldn't suggest a dog for you just yet, you seem to have pretty high anxiety and as Willowy suggested - a form of pet-related PPD. So give yourself a few more years with just cats before getting a dog. 
There's no shame in admitting you've taken on quite a bit at once.

*Hugs*


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## GottaLuvMutts (Jun 1, 2009)

You'd be surprised at how many people come here a couple of days or weeks after getting a new dog and express doubts about keeping the dog. Especially for first-time owners, it's common. It happened to me too - I adopted a 7mo old dog from a shelter. She was everything I wanted, but it took me a few weeks/months to realize that because she was pretty wild. What helped me a lot was enrolling in a good basic obedience class that employed positive training methods. As a first-time owner, I learned a ton, and as soon as I began to see that the work I was putting in was having an effect on her behavior, she became mine. 4 years later, she's my best friend.


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## trainingjunkie (Feb 10, 2010)

Given your life, I am wondering if a heeler was a good choice. I would suggest returning him if you aren't up for a super active dog. Pups place better than teens or adults. If he isn't the dog for you, now is the optimal time to return him. 

I would not chose a heeler for someone who was stressed and uncertain about ownership. They tend to be a lot of dog.


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## Fade (Feb 24, 2012)

when i first got married i went through this. i wanted my own puppy. afterwards i realized how much extra work it was and i would sob and cry. almost got gave in. fast forward. i ended up with my old cat i had given to a family member that begged for him. now i had 2 dogs 2 cats...and my husband decides to rescue a pitbull puppy. which our husky instantly fights with. i am the one caring for them along with other stuff. i threw me into such a deep depression its actually damaged our marriage. i was so depressed and my hubby got upset because i started neglecting some stuff...then the dog pulled me down the stairs and broke my ankle and i was laid up for 10 months.... long story. what i ended up realizing is i need to take steps to make things easier. and i compiled a list of things that would help. we got a fence...if i need a break they can go play outside. i rehomed a cat. and laid out a cleaning routine. purchase items that make cleaning easier. imlove my clorox mop and carpet cleaner for accidents. swiffer dusters and dust mops help cut vaccuming down . and regular groomings...its manageable now.instead of giving up make a list of what u need and is hard for u and think of things that would make it easier and save u time. dont forget to take u time. even if u need to lock the pets away. i like bubble baths and the dogs get crated so its stress free me time


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## luvmyfurballs (Mar 5, 2012)

I just adopted a german shepherd from the pound...Added him to a home of 3 other dogs and 5 cats. Talk about fur? Or the fact that he is from Czech lines(a strong working dog) and he has never met a cat? Yes I'm tired and its lots of management. I didn't think he would be as much work as a puppy, but he is because his previous owners did nothing with him...no training, no manners, etc. When I need a break I put him in the crate..that is the only time he will rest to. Its been three weeks and there is noticeable changes and I am starting to enjoy him more. It just takes time and patience...lots of patience.


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## Greater Swiss (Jun 7, 2011)

I think Willowy might have a great armchair opinion. Never heard of it happening after adopting pets, but it does make sense, actually I think I've experienced it a few times. 
I've had some pretty overwhelming times in the last while. Two cats, our girl Caeda, a male-dog aggressive/fearful foster named Dexter, and an unexpected foster who had major trust issues (and big teeth!) named Diesel, plus a hubby that is/was unhappy with the whole situation, also in a house we recently moved into. I was pretty overloaded, I wasn't quite bawling my eyes out, but I'm fairly stoic....I was about as close as I get to that kind of thing. One thing that helps is incorporating their care into your schedule. The upheaval of regular life is a big one that nobody ever seems to completely expect the extent of when they get a new animal in their home, it changes how you do so much around the house, how you live your life and everything. Once we got a schedule of what dogs to take out when, how to keep the necessary dogs separated, and incorporate that logic into our schedule it helped a ton. Dexter getting adopted made a big difference, because no matter what scheduling I did I was still spread so thin, still am a bit, but getting the daily routine down, and the extra stuff becoming habit makes a difference. Rather than the "OMG I have SO MUCH to do!!!" feeling, it eventually becomes habit and second nature to take care of all of the extras. It takes a while to get into the swing of things (and a while to stop seeing the hairballs lol), but my recommendation.....first, breathe, second, enjoy them a bit, live in the moment and enjoy the cute balls of fuzz in your home, then third see how you can fit things like potty breaks, grooming, vacuuming into your regular daily life. If that doesn't help a bit after a short while, then you might want to consider taking them back to the shelter. A puppy will get adopted quickly so don't guilt yourself over it too badly.
It may be hard to admit that it isn't for you, but if it isn't, it is important to recognize that earlier rather than later. Just decide what you can live with, and if the modifications to your life (and the others in the home of course!), aren't something you can live with, then don't live with it, rehome/return to the sheter and if you decide down the road you want to adopt again, think back to this situation and work through it in your mind before you take a pet home. Not saying you didn't think about it before you did it this time, but now you're faced with more of the realities of how much work it can be (especially a puppy!), and it certainly is overwhelming! 
Good luck and I hope you find what works for you.


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## Rescued (Jan 8, 2012)

now this makes me nervous as one of our red heeler pups left the shelter yesterday...

OP, are you in the south?

I would figure out if you want to do it or not. Puppies get adopted much easier than adults, so if you are going to return pup than you need to do it now.


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## CourtC3 (Aug 12, 2012)

First of all, mrsjanuary, I'm sorry to hear about your troubles, especially relating to your mother. That must be very difficult.

That said, I'm torn between telling you to give it some time and telling you to work with the shelter to re-home the puppy, because while having a puppy definitely takes some getting used to, I don't know that a puppy was the best choice for you and your family at this point. When we first adopted Rollie last year, I had a lot of moments of stress and anxiety wondering whether we were doing the right thing for him - and I didn't have a house to maintain or a child to take care of while worrying about training an energetic puppy! But even in those moments of fear, I was so happy to have him in our lives...and it doesn't sound like you're getting any joy out of this puppy at all.

I do think you should consider working with the shelter to find a new home for him. Keep the cat, perhaps, because they are naturally more independent and won't add as much stress to your life. Maybe in a few years, when your husband is out of school and your son is older, you can take a look at getting a dog - and even then, I would suggest adopting an older dog that's been trained and needs a good home. That will take some of the anxiety out of worrying about how you'll manage to get the dog crate trained and housebroken and obedience trained all while continuing to live your life. 

I really hope that the advice you're getting here is helpful, and I hope you'll keep us updated.


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

I agree with returning the puppy or working with the shelter to find him a new home. The sooner you get him back, the bigger chance he has of getting adopted. Pups fly off the shelves, so to speak. 
Heelers are not an easy breed to own, and if the prospect of work scares you, I suggest returning him to the shelter.


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## mrsjanuary (May 25, 2013)

First off, I can't thank you all enough for your input. Just the fact that this isn't an entirely unusual reaction has helped me calm down drastically. I felt so stressed out and depressed, and feeling horrible about feeling that way just made me feel worse. Everyone's input has given me a lot of hope.

I talked it out with my husband, and spent some quality snuggle time with both the puppy and kitty, and we decided for sure we are going to just give it time. Amazingly enough my 10 year old has really stepped up to the plate in regards to helping out with the responsibilities with both animals, which has relieved some stress.

Shell - Thank you for the doggie day care idea! That had never crossed my mind. Once she is older and has had all her shots, I will definitely look into that for a brief break day here and there.

Cotonlove - I've had a heavy stress load for some time, but I generally just chalk it up to being a wife, mom, a student, working, maintaining a house, and coping with family members and daily life in general. However my doc had put me on anti-anxiety meds and they had been working beautifully up until a few days ago. So I'm going to give her a call tomorrow morning and see what she thinks. Thank you so much for your kind words, I really appreciate them. I want to give it more time, but if it just isn't working after a while (while she's still a puppy so she still has a better chance of finding a home if that's what it comes down to) then I will contact the shelter. I would like to try everything I can to make it work though.

blenderpie - Thank you for your input! However, we didn't take the huskies to a rescue group because they weren't trained or socialized. Those were certainly frustrations since we had been told that they _were_, but it wasn't the reason. The reason was we weren't even planning on having dogs at the time. These two were just dumped on us unexpectedly one day by family. (Long story). We had just bought the house, didn't have proper fencing for huskies, and all around were not in the proper place for pets in general.

Willowly & BostonBullMama - Thank you BOTH! I thought I was such a terrible person for feeling that way. I'm just surprised. Everyone keeps telling me how high energy heelers are, but this little mixed pup is relatively mellow. She's still all puppy and loves to play and run around, but she stays at my side no matter where I go in the yard, and when I stop, she plops down next to me. Plus, the moment you start petting her or rubbing her belly she's like putty in your hands, rather than the typical "bounciness" that I have seen in many other pups. Is that unusual?

GottaLuvMutts - Thank you! We are definitely planning on getting her into puppy classes as soon as she's had all her shots and is safe to go out and about.

Fade - I will definitely compile a list, I can imagine it would really help. Thank you! I don't know how you managed to get through all that!!

Greater Swiss - Thank you so incredibly much!! I've calmed down, and am just trying to enjoy them. They're both incredibly sweet, so that isn't hard to do. We're going to give it our best shot.

Rescued - I'm really sorry to make you nervous. I'm in the southwest. That's one of the reasons I hadn't called the shelter and was debating whether I should even join here to ask this. I just wanted to make sure that this was either a semi-normal reaction or whether something was wrong, so I could fix it for the sake of the furbabies.

CourtC3 - Thank you. Despite my fear and nervousness and depression, I have been enjoying both animals. I know that might sound odd, but I'm not sure how else to explain it. They are both so sweet and have wonderful temperaments, they are loving and affectionate. That's another reason why I was so upset with myself for feeling so depressed initially. I think I overwhelmed and shocked myself and was truly afraid that everything would be on my shoulders alone (which was usually the case when those huskies were dropped on us, because my husband had such a rough work schedule - it was a horribly difficult and exhausting couple of months). I'm trying to get past that, and though the nerves aren't totally gone I am certainly feeling better. I've snuggled with both lots today, and haven't shed a single tear. A lot of my hope has come from all the advice here.


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## PrinceandSlayerMcD (May 20, 2013)

I have been following this thread but not really sure what all to say. Very glad you are going to keep working at it and are feeling a bit better. It is healthier for ALL of you involved that you are not so upset and stressed. Hope to continue to read updates, let us know how it all goes.  Good luck.


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## mrsjanuary (May 25, 2013)

Thank you  I've been worried about our pup, she stopped eating last night and started having some labored breathing, so I took her in to get checked out. Our poor girl has pneumonia.  I've got her on medication though, and feel terrible because it's obvious the poor thing doesn't feel good. She's being pampered by every member of the household though.  I'm just crossing my fingers that she recovers quickly!


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## PrinceandSlayerMcD (May 20, 2013)

mrsjanuary said:


> Thank you  I've been worried about our pup, she stopped eating last night and started having some labored breathing, so I took her in to get checked out. Our poor girl has pneumonia.  I've got her on medication though, and feel terrible because it's obvious the poor thing doesn't feel good. She's being pampered by every member of the household though.  I'm just crossing my fingers that she recovers quickly!


 Hope she feels better soon!


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## xxxxdogdragoness (Jul 22, 2010)

> I have a grey cat, a black cat, an orange and white cat, and a black and tan dog. We just embrace the hair as part of life. We sweep and vacuum, and just live with it. Since we got the full rainbow of pet hair colors, no furniture or clothing is safe! It's worth it, we love them.


Same here 

I know this isn't advice ... But do you have any pics? I have cattle dogs myself & always enjoy seeing pics of them. 

I say give a bit of time to get used to having them around & vice versa. I think we all go thru "why did I do this to myself???" When we get a new pet; even if they are awesome. Give yourself a break! Curls up with a good movie & some chocolate/ice cream/ wine ... Whatever.


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## mrsjanuary (May 25, 2013)

Thank you  I'm sorry it's been so long. I didn't get a notification of your response! I have tried to sit down and just take a little time, but I'm almost always interrupted. Turns out she was sick when we met her AND when we adopted her. Her energy levels have tripled since she got better, and I'm just struggling to keep up. We love her, but we're definitely still in the "why did I do this to myself?" stage. That concerns me. :/

I have been trying, but it has been almost impossible to get a shot of her that isn't blurry!


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## CrimsonAccent (Feb 17, 2012)

It's good to hear things are better. Have you found any day cares in your area yet or come to any decisions? (No pressure, just been following the thread). How is it.with the kitten? Good I hope  I hope the anxiety meds are helping the stress levels stay reasonable! Best of luck and please keep us posted. There are tons of ideas around.the forum.for exhausting dogs with relatively less effort on your part, and training will tire her out as well and better manners are win-win for everyone


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## Hambonez (Mar 17, 2012)

mrsjanuary said:


> Thank you  I'm sorry it's been so long. I didn't get a notification of your response! I have tried to sit down and just take a little time, but I'm almost always interrupted. Turns out she was sick when we met her AND when we adopted her. Her energy levels have tripled since she got better, and I'm just struggling to keep up. We love her, but we're definitely still in the "why did I do this to myself?" stage. That concerns me. :/
> 
> I have been trying, but it has been almost impossible to get a shot of her that isn't blurry!


I spent about 3 months in that stage. We're 16 months out now and it's (almost!) all good.


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## Beagles (Jun 4, 2013)

I just found this thread and I'm glad I got to it with a bit of a happy ending attached 
I've raised a few heelers and boy are they high energy. For me the best part was doing trick training with them to build up their focus and wear them out a bit. Also retrieving is a great joy since you can relax with a flinger and let them do all the work (once they get the idea, which doesn't usually take long with a heeler!)
I hope things continue to improve for you all!


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