# My stupid, irresponsible brother.



## kafkabeetle (Dec 4, 2009)

I'm so angry and upset right now. My brother got this puppy from his girlfriend's parents who bred (probably accidentally) their Chihuahua and Pomeranian. My dad brought the puppy to visit once and I trimmed his nails, which were very long and sharp. He was 9-10 weeks old at the time and did fine with the distraction of some treats.

Well, my brother goes to trim his dog's nails the other day and the dog is scared, because he hasn't done any type of acclimation with him in the past several months and he's only had them trimmed once. He tells his girlfriend's parents about it and they flat out tell him it's my fault--that the reason he is afraid is because I "trimmed them too early."

I invited him to bring his dog this weekend when my dad and other brother are visiting, but we've since had an unrelated dispute and he said no because of it. I told him I could show him how to acclimate his dog and how to trim a dog's nails and he says no, because according to him it's my fault his dog doesn't like nail trimmings.

I hate it that I can't help this dog because of stuff between me and my brother. Oh yeah, and he hasn't had any vaccinations yet, either. And he's like 4 months old.


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## Bird-Dog (Dec 24, 2008)

Not much to offer except take a deep breath, count to 10, exhale, and choose your cliche:

Family is an accident of birth.
You can't fix stupid.
Damned if you do, damned if you don't.
Everyone is entitled to be stupid, but some abuse the privilege.

If you want to keep pursuing the issue you could send him some internet links about desensitization, etc. but speaking as a been-there-done-that'er sometimes it's better to just wash your hands of things you can't control. Which, inadvertently, leads me to another cliche...Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.


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## kafkabeetle (Dec 4, 2009)

Bird-Dog said:


> Life is 10% what happens to me and 90% how I react to it.


I know that I really need to work on this. And I really am trying, because it doesn't hurt him that I'm upset. It just hurts me, and doesn't affect the dog one way or the other.

But I guess I'm just really frustrated that not only will he not let me help (and he NEEDS help) but he also thinks I am causing the problem. He always has to place responsibility for things on somebody else. 

Which leads to the unrelated dispute. He has crashed my dad's car 6 times in the past year, and now my dad's car insurance is so high he struggles to pay it. He is living at home and has been for the past 2 years since he graduated high school. He hasn't ever had a job and says that he "tries to get one" but I've seen him leave the house for an interview looking all dishevled and I know he's sometimes rude without meaning to be. He just has an attitude. Anyway, he's been a major strain on my dad because not only does he not contribute to the household monetarily, he also is really mean to my dad and brother when he is asked to help with something simple like dishes he created. So, one day I noticed a lot of job openings within walking distance of my house and decided to invite him to live with me for a little (about 45 minutes away from my dad's house) while until he found a job and then he could afford an apartment of his own. I thought this was like a super nice thing to do. But he basically threw it back in my face and said he didn't want to leave his friends and that I needed to mind my own business. Personally I think he's very afraid to get a job since he's never had one before, but regardless, he's placing all the blame on me. The same way he places blame on my dad (who is bending over backwards to deal with him gently, because he was kicked out of his house at 18 and doesn't want to do that to his son). Idk, the whole situation brings me to tears like once a week at least. You try to be a good person...


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## JessCowgirl88 (Mar 15, 2011)

wow i offer you many hugs and so do my dogs. from what you said there is no way you caused the dog to be afraid to get its nails trimmed  its sad your brother is being this way and not wanting to take help when it is offered. I had a friend who would " try to get jobs" but we honestly think even if she got a interview she wasnt really trying cuase she wanted to be able to hang and do what she wanted when ever she wanted and not worry about a job ._.

I hope you and your brother can work things out, and i just feel bad for you and your dad


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## Labmom4 (Feb 1, 2011)

I'm sorry. I have a really stupid, irresponsible sister too. I know what it's like. My problem isnt with the way she treats her dog's though, but my nephew. She treats her dog's better than him


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## Bird-Dog (Dec 24, 2008)

kafkabeetle said:


> I know that I really need to work on this.


Don't let the fact that I can quote a mean quote translate to me having mastered that one. I frequently reverse the values.


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## amberly (Feb 6, 2011)

Some people are dumb, its best to start early and keep up with it. I'd be a tad annoyed too, just realize you did they right thing and they well are wrong for saying you did it to early. he shoulda kept up with it so that is his fault. exspecially w lil dogs and itty bitty feet, they aren't happy campers with nails so if he woulda kept up with it it wouldn't of came down to this.


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## WolfyNeiviv (Apr 24, 2011)

I'm so sorry to hear about this situation. Unfortunately, stubborn can sometimes turn into stupid and that sounds like what you are dealing with. Unless he smartens up and realizes that you are only trying to help, I fear you will be stuck with your hands tied. Perhaps suggest a pet store or groomer that he could go to? Of course, I guess that would mean your dad would have to fork out the $10 or so to get the trim ...  You really are in a tight situation. You have tried hard - don't wear yourself thin trying. At some point, you do have to wash your hands of it. Unfortunately, the dog will suffer if it's nails are so long that it gets painful or the quick lengthens ... the poor dog. But the dog is your brother's responsibility even though he can't even take care of himself.


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