# Husband wants to get rid of my dogs



## Rgrdgr (Apr 7, 2013)

Hi
So my husband has told me that he refuses to live with our dogs anymore. They are both 140lbs and 3 years old and I've had them since they were puppies, got them a few moths after my husband and I married. The dogs are both well behaved, house trained and loving. However, we just bought a new house with hardwood floors and their nails are gouging the wood. My husband also hates the slobber and dog hair that gets everywhere. I've offered every compromise I can think of so I can keep them around, but now it's him or the dogs. What can I do to keep my dogs and my husband?!?


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## Tylerthegiant (Apr 5, 2013)

That really sucks. I don't know what to tell you. My DH and I have fought over the dogs as far as training, care and that sort of thing, but my DH is not the type to say, "Okay, I agreed to get dogs knowing they are a lifetime commitment, I'll let you get attached for three years and then I'll say it's me or the dogs and I will not budge, it's my way or the highway." We actually bought our house with our dogs in mind, our relator thought we were crazy. I don't know your husband, of course you love him. But I would be way more furious than any thing else. That does not sound like a partnership, and it sounds like marriage issues, not dog issues. I can't say what I would do in your situation because my DH would never put me in that situation, nor do I have to live with the consequences of the advise I would give you.


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## Crantastic (Feb 3, 2010)

Call his bluff. Take your dogs and move out for a while. Let him enjoy his hardwood floors all alone.


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## WonderBreadDots (Jun 26, 2012)

Rgrdgr said:


> Hi
> So my husband has told me that he refuses to live with our dogs anymore. They are both 140lbs and 3 years old and I've had them since they were puppies, got them a few moths after my husband and I married. The dogs are both well behaved, house trained and loving. However, we just bought a new house with hardwood floors and their nails are gouging the wood. My husband also hates the slobber and dog hair that gets everywhere. I've offered every compromise I can think of so I can keep them around, but now it's him or the dogs. What can I do to keep my dogs and my husband?!?


Sounds like you need counseling. It's not really a dog issue or a hardwood floor issue, plenty of people have hardwood floors and dogs. I hope you and your husband can figure this out.


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## BernerMax (Mar 15, 2013)

Poor poor doggies .... I hope you and your husband can work something out for them....


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## voodookitten (Nov 25, 2012)

Crantastic said:


> Call his bluff. Take your dogs and move out for a while. Let him enjoy his hardwood floors all alone.


I normally wouldnt say anything like this - but if the only reason your husband wants to get rid of the dogs is ONLY because their nails hurt the hardwood floors - thats really pathetic so I agree with Crantastic 100%. I'm not saying your husband is pathetic, just the way he is reacting and throwing ultimatums around is.

I have to ask the obvious - has he brought this up before? Has he had previous issues with the dogs before? We only have a 4 line intro into the whole situation to base a judgement on so Im pretty sure that there is a hell of a lot more to this that 4 lines. A load more info is needed as you are asking on an open forum whether to leave your husband (you married him so Im pretty sure you love the hell out of him!) as he hates the dogs nails on the hardwood floors of the house you just bought.

Spill your guts, get the whole story out and then let everyone judge it ) No, seriously, if it as serious as it sounds from your intro, please share as much info as you can to get a proper and accurate opinion from others so a) no one misjudges the situation and b) everyone may be able to help you save your relationship and your dogs.


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

Personally, I'd laugh and pat him on the back. Cute joke, tell it again.

Floors are not as important as a life.


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## Loki Love (May 23, 2010)

Suggest removing all the hardwood and go with a durable laminate flooring instead?


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## reynosa_k9's (Dec 14, 2007)

If he would really leave you over an issue with the dogs, well, I think the dogs are just an excuse. I have no doubt there are deeper issues there. 
I think you two need to sit down and talk.....really talk and listen.


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## hueyeats (Apr 2, 2013)

Do u have the room in your yard to house the dogs?

I would never recommend choosing a dog over a husband I am sorry even if I love my dog.
It would be the same as me saying I could also potentially give up my kids over a dog.

I have a 100lb pyr puppy. I love him a lot. Researched & heard stories of pyrs destroying drywalls, stripping couches to the frames etc. But I know and am ready for what I am in for... and Roman is a big chewer... tore up my porch carpet and ate up the hot tub. Perk is he is my Hubby's dog and when mad threatened to crap list (craiglists) him. Still we always forgive & forget & accept who Roman is... a pyr typical.

Thing is my hubby is also very particular about his new house... we are also just bought in 2011.
Worse thing is hubby is into modern contemporary and loves his clean lines... so a dog tearing up his interior hubby would just be as angry as yours.

I do think my hubby will always come before the dog (did tell him in end world scenario, will cook Roman up to ease the kids and his hunger) lol! Hubby will then cry "noooo"... knowing I'm joking of course. But the reality is husband's & my kid's life for me & my culture will always be more important than that of any animals. Even if we love our cat & dog close to that love of kin.

Think how would you feel should your husband chooses to move out for a day or week etc. With the dogs choosing them over you to try & make a point. Should your position as spouse, lover, family, even as a human be only worth less than the dogs? As a spouse that mentality will not be good for that relationship.

Even saying above, I will add that owning lives especially that of your beloved pet is a huge commitment... but may be made even more difficult during any family discord like divorce, seperation etc. Family harmony is also key to a mentally stable pet with less issues
.. consistency (training) remember?

- My one & only dog lived from puppyhood till he died of kidney failure when I was 15. Never gave any pet up for rescue yet & never intend to start. Also a dog at a time person.... (quality attention).


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## SheltieQuirks (Dec 1, 2011)

Just the fact that he insisted I give up my dogs would make me start hearing alarm (or, more specifically, divorce) bells. I'd recommend serious counseling, but NOT with any therapist who thinks dogs are disposable or not terribly important (I'm sure they're out there). Instead, you want to get to the heart of the matter: is he feeling insecure and/or showing a controlling streak, or did he really just fall in love with the new house and hardwood floors and stop liking the dogs as a result? Either way is a problem, of course, but knowing what's going on and why it's important to him can shape how things proceed.

I'm married and my husband knows to never, ever do this. I really don't see the problem in valuing pets the same as a marriage, they're a relationship and a commitment too! I came to my own marriage with a plethora of animals, and he loves them like his own now. If he'd ever even breathed the words "get rid of them," I would've been gone. Animals are a part of the family to me, period, and family doesn't demand that you give up or sever ties with other (more helpless and more dependent) family members.

I wouldn't boot housedogs into a yard, either. Offer to give them more exercise, more grooming sessions, more training (while making it crystal clear that hubby will be helping with those things, not watching from the sidelines)? Sure. Kicking them out or giving them up? No sir, can't do. Doesn't process. 

Just out of curiosity, you said the two of you got these dogs together after you'd gotten married...did he not think about the fact that dogs shed and drool when you picked them out? Was it one of those things where one of you was more excited about dogs than the other?


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## hueyeats (Apr 2, 2013)

If you can only save one..
Hubby or dog?
Children or dog?

I think just for myself, the answer is very clearcut... but that is my opinion only.
For me, when my husband values that house, dog, possession over me or my kids... then I will know he never did love me more than himself..
That would put the question of why is he even with me in my mind... definitely the question of why is he even with me.

It is because my hubby knows without question that he is #1. 
Because my love for him is absolute... then is because of him, we have our result of that love, the kids... and the dog & cat...
Then the rest like the house, the cars, the possessions is the beer that fills up the rest of the empty glass that contain the golf ball (immediate priority, children), the sand (family & friends & pets)... with the empty glass being you.. and your spouse & god too if they are as important as you.

P.S. Although my hubby know for a fact that he in my eyes will always be even more important than me or my dogs or his dogs.
love absolute = hubby #1

BTW... I stay home 24/7 with my Hubby's dog Roman.. he is indoor with partially fenced in 10acres to run. I actually spend more time with Roman than with my children and husband


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## SydTheSpaniel (Feb 12, 2011)

I agree with most everyone here's advice. My husband and I... kinda went through something similar, except he didn't give me an ultimatum. He told me we could keep the puppy, but he wasn't happy about it, and it caused us to have a lot of fights. Not to mention, emotionally we were dealing with a loss and it just wasn't the right time. So, we came to a compromise. I rehome the puppy to a better place, and we'll talk about getting another when we are emotionally ready. And in a house with a yard. A year from now, probably. 

But your situation is a bit different than mine! 3 years with your dogs, and now he's telling you to get rid of them? Unacceptable. Our older dog is with us for life. My husband loves Sydney to death and would never tell me to get rid of her, that's just way too long to get attached, and you've made the commitment. His reasons are not very valid either. I have hard wood floors and my dog's nails don't ruin the wood, so I'm not sure how it's causing so much damage? Are their nails trimmed?

As for the fur everywhere, my husband got into it with me once about Syd's excessive shedding. He was upset that his uniforms for work kept getting hairy. I told him to use a lint roll, it's really not THAT big of a deal. I promised I would brush her more, and I bought some furminator deshedding spray (which by the way works amazingly.) We got through it and made a compromise. It's really not worth ruining your marriage over.


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## BernerMax (Mar 15, 2013)

hueyeats said:


> If you can only save one..
> Hubby or dog?
> Children or dog?
> 
> ...


In the line of work that I do. I have seen people give up their adoptive children. The dog issue isnt far off. As well as plenty of marriages that have broken up over the bio kids as well. 
This guy is giving her a view of the future..... She should learn something by this (I say keep the dogs, its not reasonable to just change your mind over..FLOORS-- we bought our house in 2012, it has all hardwood floors, hubby doesnt want our dogs inside either, we are working something out, after alot of fighting about it... it was not easy.. but who said marriage was easy?)....


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## Rgrdgr (Apr 7, 2013)

Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs. The house we just bought, we had built for us, so ripping out the flooring wouldn't fly. I've asked him on numerous occasions if there is anything besides the dogs that is wrong and he insists that he just wants to sit down on the couch without a mastiff with shoe string drool putting his head in his lap. He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick.


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## BernerMax (Mar 15, 2013)

Rgrdgr said:


> Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs. The house we just bought, we had built for us, so ripping out the flooring wouldn't fly. I've asked him on numerous occasions if there is anything besides the dogs that is wrong and he insists that he just wants to sit down on the couch without a mastiff with shoe string drool putting his head in his lap. He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick.


So rope off/babygate the living room for your husband while he is home- dogs learn fast-- before we worked out a solution my giant schnauzer girl learned to go out the back door as soon as my husband came in through the front! You could even boundary marker train them to certain areas (and then teach them to avoid your husband, do this carefully though).... Get a trainer involved-- they would be really helpful in this kind of unique solution. Also, if you are home alot, I really do think you need the companionship....and dogs in the home are a great deterrent for things like home invasion-- tell your hubby its for your safety and peace of mind and then work out how your hubby can have dog free space-- he isnt home that much-- you can figure it out.... Get that trainer in asap they will have good ideas-- let us know where you are located and someone on Dog Forums can give you a lead on trainers...


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## hueyeats (Apr 2, 2013)

BernerMax said:


> In the line of work that I do. I have seen people give up their adoptive children. The dog issue isnt far off. As well as plenty of marriages that have broken up over the bio kids as well.
> This guy is giving her a view of the future..... She should learn something by this (I say keep the dogs, its not reasonable to just change your mind over..FLOORS-- we bought our house in 2012, it has all hardwood floors, hubby doesnt want our dogs inside either, we are working something out, after alot of fighting about it... it was not easy.. but who said marriage was easy?)....


See, the way I see it...
One can learn a lot from reverse psychology...
When my husband also loves me more than himself as #1... what I want will already be what he wants as he truely loves me enough to want me happy...
With that in mind... would he even ever make me choose?

Answer will be no.
He would never blur the line to subject the marriage to any problems.
- see it as a "preventive" before even the possibility of starting any arguments over any relationships.

Of course equal rights to the other spouse. Of being #1.
Its also a form of respect in my culture.. the charm of being to stay together is recognizing the importance of one another first...

I am happily married for almost 20 years.
And should any "bad things that happen to good people scenario".. will easily hobo lifestyle with hubby, kids, and my dog& cat.
Having the material possession like a house is not even a priority... loving the living lives I care about is.


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## Crantastic (Feb 3, 2010)

So, 75% of the time, your husband wants you to be sitting in an empty house with no companionship at all? Nice.

I agree with the suggestion of boundary training the dogs. If you do get a trainer, make sure he or she is a positive trainer. If your layout allows baby gates, though, that would be even easier. 

Also, I have to wonder... if this guy was "just" a boyfriend and not a husband, would people in this thread still tell the OP to put him above all else? Is it the so-called sacred vow of marriage that elevates this dude above everything else in the OP's life, no matter how he changes or what demands he makes?


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## Kobismom (Dec 17, 2012)

As a Marriage Therapist, I'm not going to give marital advice here, but I've worked with couples and marriages for over 10 years. I would encourage you to find a good marriage counselor. I'm guessing there's more here than meets the eye. Your spouse is willing to put you into a position of "choose me or them?" That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me.

Crantastic, you make a good point about this being a spouse versus a BF or unmarried partner. Regardless of the marital status, making someone make a choice like this is a hairy predicament. It's unhealthy for any type of relationship. I would still recommend counseling before making any decisions. There's an innate power struggle going on here. Power struggles have no place in a healthy relationship.


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## BernerMax (Mar 15, 2013)

Kobismom said:


> As a Marriage Therapist, I'm not going to give marital advice here, but I've worked with couples and marriages for over 10 years. I would encourage you to find a good marriage counselor. I'm guessing there's more here than meets the eye. Your spouse is willing to put you into a position of "choose me or them?" That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me.
> 
> Crantastic, you make a good point about this being a spouse versus a BF or unmarried partner. Regardless of the marital status, making someone make a choice like this is a hairy predicament. It's unhealthy for any type of relationship. I would still recommend counseling before making any decisions. There's an innate power struggle going on here. Power struggles have no place in a healthy relationship.


Ha Kobismom! That is interesting, I certainly am not a therapist, but lets just say I work with kids..... Good advice x2!


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## hueyeats (Apr 2, 2013)

Crantastic said:


> ......
> Also, I have to wonder... if this guy was "just" a boyfriend and not a husband, would people in this thread still tell the OP to put him above all else? Is it the so-called sacred vow of marriage that elevates this dude above everything else in the OP's life, no matter how he changes or what demands he makes?


I agree if the bf or if that person becomes that spouse some will still not elevate them to be that important... so is the reality of the percentage of 
divorces (50%plus. Not counting breakups of bf).

But if that spouse is that rare soulmate. (Sorry you can't soul 'mate z dog... its weird)... you would then love him/her absolute yes, god-like.
Just like the love also of a mother & child... in that mom's eyes all is forgiven & good as in god's love for us.

So... if I am to love Roman (beloved dog) even if he chewed & destroyed my sunroom... should & would I love my hubby any less
Remember Roman is my husband's dog.

If I were to not love hubby in absolute, and cry over the house...
Then would I make him choose either the dog or house... think.

Its only with absolute unquestioning love and respect for husband that all things is handled in a harmonious and respectful way without power struggle over who is who or have to do what.

Fact is Roman is not my soulmate nor a real child of mine.
I treat him like family but even in the correct way to train a dog so it does not become bratty aggressive and dominate my family... especially important since 100lb dog = big bite... its a clear line I draw and will never cross.

I think many trainers will also say this.
Its a dog not a child for proper training... a child do not mouth you when showing love nor yank you by the throat when acting out.

Furthermore... any pyr successful owner will also tell you... coddling any LGDs child-like will lead to only heartbreak when the dog becomes dominant aggressive... resulting in owners giving up their dog because they simply cannot handle or control their dog anymore.


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## BernerMax (Mar 15, 2013)

hueyeats said:


> I agree if the bf or if that person becomes that spouse some will still not elevate them to be that important... so is the reality of the percentage of
> divorces (50%plus. Not counting breakups of bf).
> 
> But if that spouse is that rare soulmate. (Sorry you can't soul 'mate z dog... its weird)... you would then love him/her absolute yes, god-like.
> ...


Hueyeats-- the OP is not mentioning ANY "bratty or dominant" issues at all ! Mastiffs drool and shed hair and have nails like you or I BREATHE-- the dogs are not DOING ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL- they are just BEING. 
I suggested a happy medium for her beloved husband to have dog free space, and the dogs get to LIVE in the home they have always known-- She didnt say the dogs had chewed anything up or were aggressive, or even needed training! Thats is whats wrong here (the first of other things....as has been previously brought up)....

Her quote-- "The dogs are both well behaved, house trained and loving."....


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## CptJack (Jun 3, 2012)

My husband is not a dog person. Period, straight up. If we were not married, he would never own a dog. 

If he said 'I can't live with a dog', I wouldn't HAVE dogs. Because, you know, I love him and I want him to be happy. Likewise, he loves me and wants me to be happy. He said I could have dogs. I sat down, talked with him and made sure he understood that meant he would be LIVING with dogs, and that it could just be a 'me' thing, 100% of the time. He said he understood, we sat on it and then we got into a place in our lives where dogs worked. His compromise on the issue was living with the dogs, doing some middle of the night potty trips, and generally helping out - and of course it's our money being spent on them. *MY* compromise is making sure they are trained, decently behaved, and don't do things that make him NUTS. Over years and years (and years and years) things that make him nuts have lessened a lot, and he actually loves the individual dogs. 

If he'd said 'I don't want dogs', I would have gone with that, because forcing them on someone isn't cool. 

Since he said 'have dogs!' we talked and he agreed - well, tough cookies, honey If he changed his mind tomorrow they wouldn't be going anywhere. He made a deal with me. We reached a compromise about a BIG issue that involves a living creature and commitment. He's a grown up. He understood that, when this started. The best he would get is an agreement from me to not have more dogs after the existing ones were gone. Issuing an ultimatium to me is an automatic way to lose. 

Would I choose dogs over my husband? NO! If he hadn't wanted them to begin with, didn't want to get more, or there were serious health or financial situations in play, I would not have freaking dogs. I wouldn't even hesitate.

Would I choose following through a commitment over someone who was trying to manipulate, blackmail, or force me into taking action against my will? You betcha.

Frankly, that kind of behaviour... wouldn't matter if he was trying to make me rehome a dog or quit my job or stop volunteering (also commitments).... It would not be happening. It's childish and disrespectful, at best. 

OP - the compromises I see are boundary training the dog, keeping husband and dogs separated in the house, more, throwing down some rugs to protect the floor and telling him that these dogs are here now, too late to change that, but if he doesn't want more later, you're open to that. But like I said: if he agreed, and he's not being expected to do the bulk of the work, he's just going to have to deal.


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## Crantastic (Feb 3, 2010)

hueyeats, I'm not sure what you're trying to say with your post. We seem to agree that in a good marriage, partners should work together to find a solution instead of making ultimatums. I don't know why you're talking about all of the training stuff, because, like BernerMax said, there are no behavioral issues in play here... the husband just doesn't like the dogs being dogs (with drool and hair and nails). This seems like more of a marriage issue than a dog issue.

(Also, dominance between dogs and humans isn't a thing. See this, this, this, and this.)


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## SydTheSpaniel (Feb 12, 2011)

I've found that compromise is definitely key. My husband's no where near as much of an animal lover as I am. He loves our dog to death, like I said... but he also gets annoyed with the normal dog stuff... especially FUR. So we compromised. I get off my butt and groom her more and use deshedding spray... and he's happy. But I agree, he agreed to the dogs in the first place, you both definitely need to come to some sort of compromise or it's not going to work. And, if you can't come to a compromise on this issue... it makes me think that another issue will come up and it'll be even worse.


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## Kobismom (Dec 17, 2012)

Rgrdgr said:


> Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs. The house we just bought, we had built for us, so ripping out the flooring wouldn't fly. I've asked him on numerous occasions if there is anything besides the dogs that is wrong and he insists that he just wants to sit down on the couch without a mastiff with shoe string drool putting his head in his lap. He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick.


Two problems with what you say here: 

"He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs."

"The house we just bought, we had built for us..."

So he agreed to something that he really didn't like or wasn't 100% on board with agreeing to... shame on him... this is HIS problem, not your's.

You had the house custom built for you, you have 2 HUGE, slobbering dogs (this wasn't a secret), yet he agreed to put in flooring knowing the dogs potentially could rip it up? Again, see my response to part A

Yeah...marriage counseling is in order. Compromise isn't the same as accommodation... he accommodated you and now he's regretting his actions... don't give up the dogs... don't leave him.. get counseling. There's a plan "C" in there somewhere where both of you can be happy.


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## hueyeats (Apr 2, 2013)

BernerMax said:


> Hueyeats-- the OP is not mentioning ANY "bratty or dominant" issues at all ! Mastiffs drool and shed hair and have nails like you or I BREATHE-- the dogs are not DOING ANYTHING WRONG AT ALL- they are just BEING.
> I suggested a happy medium for her beloved husband to have dog free space, and the dogs get to LIVE in the home they have always known-- She didnt say the dogs had chewed anything up or were aggressive, or even needed training! Thats is whats wrong here (the first of other things....as has been previously brought up)....
> 
> Her quote-- "The dogs are both well behaved, house trained and loving."....


I agree dogs are just being... and if you read properly, I did not indicate hers doing anything wrong either... just referring to large breeds' need for training.. especially a pyr like mine. 
That is what I meant..
Please refer back.

Saying that, I also agree with people who says Op needs a couple counceling.

Because if my own hubby were to make me choose him or something else... I would take it personal.
Image... choice between 2 girlfriends... or boyfriends

The one who loves you as the most important in life
Or
The one whose dogs are more important than you?

Marriage is first BTW a couple in commitment...
Marriage is not about the dogs.... nor your inlaws or your cousins or friends...
Yes you may be marrying into the family..
But... you are not sharing that "marriage bed" with them.


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## Tylerthegiant (Apr 5, 2013)

Rgrdgr said:


> Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). ....He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick........


Ug, I hate that kind of thing. When people preference things by saying _I'm not going to say_.......and then they turn around and say it as if the first statement erased or change the second part of what was said. It's clear to him, it's clear to you, it's clear to everyone here that you're husband is giving you an ultimatum. If he thinks that fact is lost to you that's insulting to your intelligence. That is manipulation. 



Kobismom said:


> As a Marriage Therapist, I'm not going to give marital advice here, but I've worked with couples and marriages for over 10 years. I would encourage you to find a good marriage counselor. I'm guessing there's more here than meets the eye. Your spouse is willing to put you into a position of "choose me or them?" That doesn't sound like a healthy marriage to me.


I agree, there's a lot more. This sounds like my ex-husband, because I was married to a man like this for 15 years I can see his type at a glance. I guess is he does this stuff all the time, gives in to something she wants when he doesn't really want to so he looks like a good guy, and then passive aggressively complains, gets angry, makes "jokes" constantly to try and get his point a crossed that he feels forced into something he doesn't want and he resents it. Now it's the dutiful wife's job to see he's miserable and make a personal sacrifice for his happiness. Any conversations in the meantime to work this out will result in a temporary truce, but DH will start in again and will be relentless. After several years DH sees wife is serious about wanting to keep the dogs and his previous tactics aren't working so the ultimatum is given, with a good, healthy does of guilt to ensure compliance. This doesn't just happen with the dogs, mind you, but with anything the OP wants that the husband really doesn't. Mark my words, these dogs will be rehomed because this woman's life will be made miserable by her husband if she doesn't.

Now, in my house I have a hard time thinking about whose number one, number two, excreta, but if there was a fire I would get my daughter out first, then make sure my DH was out, and then my dogs. 

And if I think about which ones I would choose if I had to choose between my dogs and my husband, well it would depend on the husband and if he was worth it or not.


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## Sparkles123 (Dec 3, 2012)

Great idea!!!!
About calling his bluff and moving out for a while!!!


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## goonmom (Mar 28, 2013)

I don't think this is a question to be asking any one, but perhaps seeing a marriage counselor would be the best thing to do.

I have no comment on your marriage, because I, like everyone else, have no right.


I think you should offer an alternative flooring if he's concerned about the hardwoord. Tile? Laminate? Have you tried the dryer sheets trick for the hair that collects on the baseboards? Or maybe a room that the dogs don't go in that is only his so he doesn't get so irritated about the hair & mess? 

I hope and pray you find some neutral ground.


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## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

hueyeats said:


> I would never recommend choosing a dog over a husband I am sorry even if I love my dog.
> It would be the same as me saying I could also potentially give up my kids over a dog.


This is not as simple as "do you love your husband more than the dogs." If the OP gives up the dogs, then what about the next thing he decides to use as emotionally blackmailing threat because he wants his way? Ultimatums are childish and bullying, and I would run far and fast from someone who gave me one like the one in the OP. If you want to have a conversation about floors and toenails and hair and drool and how to manage it all, fine. But you don't just say TIME TO GET RID OF THE DOGS OR ELSE if you are truly part of an adult relationship. IMO. 

_Especially_ over living beings that are so emotionally important, as opposed to the color of the carpet or something (although I'd probably question the mental health of someone who would give a marriage-ending ultimatum over the color of the carpet).


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

I don't know the situation and I'm not a therapist  So, I'm going to simply address the mastiffs in the living room ...
1. You can vacuum the house (and the dogs, if they'll allow it ... can be trained), once a week.
2. You can then do a special cleaning just before your husband comes home.
3. Talk to Home Depot and ask about a Poly coat on the hardwood floors that might stand up to the dogs.
4. Talk to the Vet and to groomers about cutting the claws shorter and getting plastic claw covers (don't recall the name), if the dogs won't eat them. 
5. Keep a few hand towels convenient on the arms of the furniture for wiping the drool.

You can't eliminate the physical problems, but it may be possible to manage them a little more closely ?


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## bonesygirl (Mar 2, 2012)

I'm not married, but when I was a kid our shih tzu puppy pooped on a dark coloured rug, my dad stepped in it and tracked it through the house before realizing it. He said later he was so mad that if my brother hadn't been home, he would've taken our dog to the vet and asked them to find a home for him. My mom told him that if he had, it would've been divorce time. My parents had and have a strong marriage, but it had nothing to do with the dog. It was about the inherent disrespect that doing something like that implied. 

For me, this situation is somewhat similar. It's not about the dogs, not about choosing one over the other. It's about the disrespect that an ultimatum implies. 

That said, as a single, unmarried woman, I agree a marriage counselor is the way to go.


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## Adjecyca1 (Jul 25, 2010)

If my spouse ever tried to make me get rid of any of my pets, i would get rid of my spouse.. Just my 2 cents.


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## GrinningDog (Mar 26, 2010)

Rugs. In high traffic areas.

We have 'em all over the house, really help our hardwood floors from getting scratched up. Plus, keep their nails trimmed and don't allow running/jumping indoors.


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## Theckler60 (Apr 7, 2013)

I have to agree with Bonesygirl here. The pups aren't the issue, in my opinion. Marriage counseling is the route to take. After all, if you get the dogs re-homed, how long might it be until he decides something else is a insurmountable problem? What's next?


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

All Imma say is, if someone agrees to do something with me, and they back out of it, it's their problem, not mine.

I don't like the idea of being married because of things like this.

This is not a matter of whether or not OP loves her husband or her dogs more. Husband agreed to the dogs. Changing his mind now because basically the dogs don't work with the floors is just outright stupid and makes no sense. How do you love your floors more than then one creature on earth that will never wrong you?


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## winniec777 (Apr 20, 2008)

Agree that there may be something more here to work on besides the dogs. But you can take some easy steps to minimize the annoyance factor. I have been in a position of owning a house we had built and can understand how it might upset someone to see the floors getting ruined by the dogs. It's like getting the first ding on a new car. Still wouldn't impact my decision to have a dog, but I can relate somewhat.

In any case, the advice offered above should take the dogs out of the equation. Have a conversation with your husband and ask if this would help:
- keep nails trimmed short so they don't touch the floor
- put rugs down in all high traffic areas and where the dogs like to lay around
- no running in the house
- keep drool rags handy
- put up pet gates and keep the dogs away from your husband when he's home
- brush the dogs daily outside
- vacuum the floors every day
- keep lint rollers handy for quick clean ups


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## RCloud (Feb 25, 2011)

I'd pretty much tell my husband to get bent if he ever told me it was him or the dogs. With that being said though, it would be a cold day in hell before my husband would ever even hint at something as horrible as that. If he's not willing to compromise with you on something that you love dearly, I'd split.


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## Fade (Feb 24, 2012)

There is a bigger issue here then just the dogs. In a healthy relationship there would be a middle ground. The dogs are just a outlet of something else he is feeling. Dig deeper. Maybe see a marriage counselor.


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## mashlee08 (Feb 24, 2012)

Doggie booties? Nail caps? http://www.softclaws.com/soft_claws_dogs/home.html Keep their nails worn down. Have some rags around the house and wipe the slobber. 
If my hubby even asked me to get rid of Indie, he would be gone in a flash.
If he finds another reason after you get these issues under control then it is way more then just dogs.


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## cshellenberger (Dec 2, 2006)

Rgrdgr said:


> Okay a little bit more information. My husband travels for his work alot. (Like gone 75% of the year). He let me get the boys because I was lonely, but he's never really like the idea of having dogs. The house we just bought, we had built for us, so ripping out the flooring wouldn't fly. I've asked him on numerous occasions if there is anything besides the dogs that is wrong and he insists that he just wants to sit down on the couch without a mastiff with shoe string drool putting his head in his lap. He says he doesn't want to give me an ultimatium because he would never do that to me but his stress and anxiety over the dogs has made him physically sick.


We built our house a little over a year ago as well and went with hardwood, frankly he's giving you a very weak excuse to get his way. If the house is more important than your happiness you don't have much of a marriage. Hell, my hubby is military and I think out of the 16.5 years we've been married he's been home MAYBE three years, he'd NEVER ask anything like this of me because he cares about my happiness.


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## RoughCollie (Mar 7, 2011)

There is a product called soft claws for dogs (also for cats), which is applied to the dog's nails and supposedly keeps them from scratching floors and furniture. I've never tried it. There should be reviews about it somewhere because it was available when I had cats, and that was 17 years ago. A vet or groomer can put them on if you need them too, I suppose as long as they are familiar with the product.

Also, our vet uses a dremel to file Aidan's nails and they are pretty short afterward.


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## Flaming (Feb 2, 2013)

RoughCollie said:


> There is a product called soft claws for dogs (also for cats), which is applied to the dog's nails and supposedly keeps them from scratching floors and furniture. I've never tried it. There should be reviews about it somewhere because it was available when I had cats, and that was 17 years ago. A vet or groomer can put them on if you need them too, I suppose as long as they are familiar with the product.
> 
> Also, our vet uses a dremel to file Aidan's nails and they are pretty short afterward.


I have them on our cat and they work well for keeping us scratch free and the couches in one piece, but I haven't tried the dog ones yet.


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## RCloud (Feb 25, 2011)

My husband is a musical instrument fanatic. Our place is loaded with musical instruments everywhere... Guitars, Ukes, Banjos, Violins, flutes EVERYWHERE. I'm not into instruments as much as he is. I like how they sound, but that's about it, and it get's annoying sometimes having so many taking up so much space. But if I made him get rid of them, he'd grow extremely depressed and be completely miserable. Those instruments are his pride and joy. So the deal is he get's to keep them and has promised not to get anymore until we get a bigger place, and that's a deal we can both happily live with. Even if I have to deal with instruments everywhere, I love my husband and want him to be happy, and he has made compromises and sacrifices with me in the past for my happiness and well being. I just can't imagine a marriage being any different.


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## seaboxador (Sep 23, 2012)

" What can I do to keep my dogs and my husband?!?"

You have bigger issues here than the dogs. You got them after you got married. His time to say no was then.


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## doxiemommy (Dec 18, 2009)

I agree with those saying it's not about who she loves more, the dogs or the husband. The issue (IMO) is that he is not thinking about her happiness, and is giving her an ultimatum, when he knows it will break her heart, and may cause her to be lonely when he's gone. AND, he's going back on their agreement.

Someone keeps bringing up the importance of a marriage/soul mate vs the importance of the dogs.....in my opinion, this husband is NOT acting as a soul mate, if he was, he wouldn't be asking her to give up the dogs after he's made a commitment. How great of shape is the marriage in if he's saying "it's the dogs or me" after they've had the dogs all these years. IMO, he's the one not valuing the marriage, NOT the op.
If you have a marriage that is valued, if you love and treasure your spouse, you wouldn't ask them to do something like this. If you DO ask them to do something like this, then maybe the marriage isn't in that great of shape, and, in that case, I may value my dogs higher than a bad marriage.......


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## Kayla_Nicole (Dec 19, 2012)

HollowHeaven said:


> Personally, I'd laugh and pat him on the back. Cute joke, tell it again.
> 
> Floors are not as important as a life.


Totally agree with this.


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