# adopting a dog with hesitant roommate



## osua2z (Mar 28, 2012)

Hello all,

I have a topic I would appreciate some advice on. I am interested in adopting a puppy. I have been with roommates who have adopted a dog before and have been around to help take care of a dog. This would however be my first dog that would be mine. I do have a good understanding of the responsibilities and am prepared for it. However, that issue I am having is with one of my roommates. Here are the details. My current lease allows for dogs to be in the condo with written approval by landlords and a security deposit. I am staying in this condo next year as well and my two roommates are moving out. One of my two roommates is excited about there possibly being a puppy and wants to help take care of it before she moves out. My other roommate is not in support of me adopting a dog, yet was supportive of our other roommate when she wanted to adopt one (had a roommate who wanted to adopt but didn't because she moved for her job, had a friend move in, she is the new roommate, likes dog idea). The roommate who is in opposition said she would feel uncomfortable and not safe living with a dog because she recently had a bad experience with a dog that involves a dog barking at her and startling her when she was out for a run. She is saying that a dog in the house would scare her. Another part of this is that I am not really friends with this roommate and don't plan on being in contact with her even after she moves out. We just don't like each other but everything remains civil. She is fully aware that the lease states it's perfectly acceptable that we have a dog and again, she had no problem with it when our previous roommate wanted to adopt a dog before she moved. I am wondering what anyone's thoughts would be on this issue considering she seems to be playing the victim card and we don't really care for each other. She would have to deal with me being responsible for the dog for five months and then she moves out and never has to deal with the dog or me again. The other main reason why I am interested in adopting is because of my job and the extra time I have now to take care of it. I live ten minutes from where I work and things in the summer are really slow, so there is ample time to take care of a dog in the morning before work, during the day, and as soon as I get home, which I am almost always first one home from work. My roommates who are moving in next year both are in support of there being a dog because they both have raised dogs until they had gotten into college. It's just a strange issue I didn't expect to come across and I feel that if I'm continuing to rent this place and my landlords are alright with me adopting a dog, then I should be able to. Just because my one roommate and I don't get along doesn't mean that I should let her dictate things in the condo. I'm just confused. I keep things very civil and treat her nicely, but I'm worried how she would treat a dog if I were to adopt one, and I'm just wondering if other owners have been in this situation and would have some advice on how to handle it? The next five months are a great time for me because when September comes around, work will pick up again so now I have time to work on training and then again, in September, I'll have two roommates with many years of experience being dog owners so if they would have to take the dog out if they are at home and I am not, they know what they are doing and they don't mind. Again, just wondering and I'd just like to hear what others have to say. I know I wrote a lot, but any comments and advice are very much appreciated. Thanks!


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## Shell (Oct 19, 2009)

I think that it is rude to bring a dog into a household when one of the members of the household is fearful of dogs and has explicitly stated that they would not be comfortable with the dog there. Your "right" to have a dog is no greater or lesser than her "right" to feel safe in her home.

However, you could have some options that would treat everyone fairly. Ideas....
1- Talk to her about what would make her feel safe around the dog. Such as: enrolling the dog in obedience classes so she has less worries about behavioral issues, crating the dog while you or other roommate (who likes dogs) are not home, and ? Brainstorm WITH her over that and show that you are not trying to run roughshod over her fears.

2- Offer to pay her moving expenses and cover her portion of the rent until you can find a new roommate. If you are in an area with a number of short term rooms for rent or sublets, she might find a rental quickly. But YOU should be the one covering any additional expenses she has due to moving and it should be clear that you are simply offering this as an option if she would like to move out and that you aren't trying to kick her out. As in, if the only reasonable rental she can find is $50/month more than what she is paying with you, then you ante up the $50 for those 5 months remaining on her lease.

3- If the roommate is NOT on the lease and is truly month-to-month and YOU are the sole person on the lease, you could give notice and ask her to move. It would definitely burn bridges IMO and even if you don't like a person, burning bridges is a risky thing to do and can come back to haunt you... but, you wouldn't be violating any sort of lease or contract at least.


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## osua2z (Mar 28, 2012)

I do understand that and that's what I am concerned about (her feeling safe), but there are a lot of other things as to why i really think she is being like this regarding the topic. There have been issues with her in the past over little things and there has been very little respect from her towards me and there has been a lot of issues with even small things because she thinks she is in control of the house. I of course want to be considerate and be the bigger person, but when I've been dealing with someone this childish over smaller issues but those same issues with our previous roommate she had no problem with, I kind of see this as more of her wanting to be in control because of her feelings towards me. Granted, that's something that a forum can't take care of and despite trying to reach out to her as to why she feels the need to treat me and my personal belonging so poorly is a completely different issue and is something that I don't think I will be able to handle while she she is still on the lease. I just so happen to live with a deceitful and uncooperative person with a history of acting like this when she doesn't get her way, and I feel that's what she is trying to do. I guess what it comes down to is there is more to this than what's been explained and it may be something that can't necessarily be figured out on a forum. I've spoken with my previous roommate that moved and she can't understand why she is acting like this because it was never an issue before she moved.


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## spotted nikes (Feb 7, 2008)

I'd give her 30 day notice, and then get a dog once she is gone.


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## PatchworkRobot (Aug 24, 2010)

Shell said:


> I think that it is rude to bring a dog into a household when one of the members of the household is fearful of dogs and has explicitly stated that they would not be comfortable with the dog there. *Your "right" to have a dog is no greater or lesser than her "right" to feel safe in her home.*
> 
> However, you could have some options that would treat everyone fairly. Ideas....
> *1*- Talk to her about what would make her feel safe around the dog. Such as: enrolling the dog in obedience classes so she has less worries about behavioral issues, crating the dog while you or other roommate (who likes dogs) are not home, and ? Brainstorm WITH her over that and show that you are not trying to run roughshod over her fears.
> ...


I think that you need to either take the first two steps that Shell suggested and/or just suck it up and wait 5 months. It sucks that this is your least favorite of the roommates but asking her to move/kicking her out would be a real bitch move. If something happened in regards to a dog that this roommate considers traumatic than so be it. Dogs aren't for everybody and if something scared her then she has that right. It would be wrong to make her uncomfortable for something selfish like getting a dog.


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## kafkabeetle (Dec 4, 2009)

I would also worry about how she would treat the dog if you got one against her wishes. Having dealt with roommate/pet issues before I don't think it would really be worth it to get the dog now and I would just wait. I know what you're saying about it being a good time to get the dog time-wise and it's too bad that your roommate is not on board, but a little extra time to work with the dog doesn't sound like a good enough reason to get the dog right now. Even roommates who are ok with each other's pets can sometimes turn sour when there are behavior issues or whatever else. Your dog could end up being the victim of your disputes with this roommate. Regardless of whether her reason is stupid or unfair or if she's doing this to get back at you somehow, I would think less about whether it's FAIR for you to get a dog right now and more about whether it is RIGHT to get it right now, both for your situation and for the dog's well-being.

That said, I do think the options Shell laid out would be alright. It would just be a whole lot simpler to wait. Five months is not that long in the scheme of things.


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## WTFCas (Jan 20, 2012)

I'm in a somewhat similar situation but I beg to differ from the other posters and agree that you should be able to get a dog. I live with a real **** of a roommate. He is very argumentative finds fault in everything that I do and has also stolen from me($900). When people treat you and your personal belongings poorly I understand that the way you feel about them will undoubtedly go down hill. If it says on your lease that you're allowed to have dogs then go for it! Heck, it might make her mad enough to move out and you could get a dog loving roommate sooner.

My roommate didn't want me to get Domo but I did anyway. He bitched when I got my snakes..as if those are gonna piss on the floor and chew his shoes but there was nothing said about what pets I could or could not have. He said he didn't want to have to see a dog in the house and deal with the hair etc. Truth is, he's admitted he's scared of Domo and thinks he might be attacked by him. Domo stays in my room and doesn't wander around the house unless the roommate is gone. I bluntly told my roommate that if he felt unsafe around Domo then he should stay out of my room and there won't be a possibility that he'll be bitten.


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## bonesygirl (Mar 2, 2012)

I went through a somewhat similar experience. When the timing for a second dog was exactly perfect for me (I had my heart set on a lab) my brother and his girlfriend were still living with us, both who have allergies to most dogs. I had a long list of extra things I was going to do around the house (including buying a special vac, special covers for the ents, etc.) but in the end we (mostly my parents) decided we should wait until they moved out. 

I felt exactly the same as you. I didn't think it was fair that someone else was keeping me from my dream dog. The girlfriend and I didn't really get along, so this was just another reason for me to dislike her. In the end, I am so glad I waited. I had devised this complex plan to try to keep the hair confined to my bedroom. It would have meant spending hundreds of dollars on special vaccuums and air filters. Not only that, but keeping a puppy confined to one room, even for a short time, isn't really fair. 

My advice would be to wait. Sure, it's not really fair, but you'll probably get much more joy out of a dog when you don't have to constantly deal with/worry about an irrate roommate.


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## spotted nikes (Feb 7, 2008)

I voted kick out due to the other issues. I wouldn't have a roommate that is disrespectful of me and my belongings, and is deceitful. She needs to go due to that.
If she were actually a respectful, decent roommate that just didn't want you to get a dog, then I would say, wait her out.


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## InkedMarie (Mar 11, 2009)

Unless the puppy will be paying rent, the roommate comes first. It doesn't matter that they're moving out, right now they pay the rent. Wait until they move out then get your puppy.


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## Spook82 (Mar 16, 2012)

5 months is really not that long to wait. It's unfortunate that your roommate is not supportive of the idea to get a dog but she is also paying rent. I think getting a dog after she has voiced her concerns will just create animosity in the household. That is something no one needs, including the dog.


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## hargyle (Mar 21, 2012)

I have had the bad roommate complex. There really is no winning. Either you are going to damage your relationship, or damage the relationship with your puppy. I would agree that a small room is no place for a puppy. 

I agree with Shell on the compromise thing. Try an talk it out, will she be ok with the puppy on one side of the condo and her on the other (assuming this is possible), is she REALLY scared .. whats the real reason for ALL the animosity? I would agree that if you cant work it out with her wait the 5 months - save your money so then you can have extra funds in the case when work becomes too much you can pay for a walker or day care.


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## GottaLuvMutts (Jun 1, 2009)

When I moved into my current house, I had never lived with a dog before, but one of my housemates had a 2yo lab. She enrolled the dog in basic obedience classes and all 3 of us (plus the dog) went together. It was a good experience to help us bond with the dog, in addition to the benefits to the dog. When that housemate moved out with her dog, I decided I couldn't live without one, so I got my own. 

I guess that was a really long-winded way of saying that I agree with the suggestion of obedience training, preferably including the reluctant housemate.


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

spotted nikes said:


> I voted kick out due to the other issues. I wouldn't have a roommate that is disrespectful of me and my belongings, and is deceitful. She needs to go due to that.
> If she were actually a respectful, decent roommate that just didn't want you to get a dog, then I would say, wait her out.


I agree with this. Personally I don't think I could live with someone that I didn't really get along with, especially if I had the option to send them packing.

It's pretty clear to see that she's bullshitting this 'I'm scared' thing because she doesn't get along with you. Surely nobody out there is so whiny that a barking dog can traumatize them for life -.-' 

But, if putting her out isn't really an option, I would wait until she's gone, just for the puppy's sake. If she doesn't like you, and doesn't like the idea of you getting a puppy, a puppy would either make her mad enough to move out, she would get over it, or she would make the puppy's life miserable. The latter is what I would be most afraid of.


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## luvmyfurballs (Mar 5, 2012)

I don't believe she is "afraid" of dogs


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