# New Puppy Blues



## gilly221 (May 30, 2011)

Hi everyone,

I got a new Shih-poo puppy, 9 weeks, on Saturday. She's adorable, and pretty smart already, but I feel as though I have post-partum!

Lucy has already learned to sit quite well, ring the bell to go potty, sleeps about 7-8 hours in her crate through the night, and is starting to walk a bit better on a leash. She's friendly, and likes people and other dogs. 

I have a month off work with her, but when I go back, I'll be gone for about 8 hours. I'm trying to get her used to being alone during the day, for a couple hours at a time to start. She sleeps in her carrier crate next to my bed, but since my home gets so hot during the day, and I have guilt over leaving her in such a small space all day, when I leave, I put her in a different, wire crate in the basement. The basement has tile floor, is pretty small, when I close the doors to the other areas (pretty much just like a foyer entrance to a house), and has a few steps up to a glass door. She can see out the door, to the front door. Today I had some work to do in the house, so I put her down there while I did other things. She was fine at first, but then whined and cried and barked. She has her crate, a blanket smelling of her mom/siblings, a bed, toys, and water down there. I felt so bad. I couldn't ignore her very long before I let her out. Any advice? How long should it take for a puppy to become aquainted with being left alone?

A couple of days in, I had a breakdown, crying out of frustration - it's a lot of stress, and a lot of money! I am having doubts about getting her - she's a 15 year commitment, after all. Yesterday was a good day, but today I have the blues again. Is this normal?


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## lisak_87 (Mar 23, 2011)

It is 500 billion percent normal to go though a "What the HECK did I do??" period when getting a new puppy. It's hard to believe, but it DOES get better. When I got Brady a couple of months ago, I thought I had made the biggest mistake of my life. He's an easy dog and extremely smart, but it was a HUGE change...and I was EXHAUSTED all the time...and broke! The good news is that after the puppy stage, prices go down (yay!)...and sleep comes back. I swear I thought I'd never sleep again... People here gave me tons of encouragement, but I seriously thought they were nuts and it would really never improve. I even went so far as to post an ad on craigslist to rehome him (it stayed up for all of 2 minutes). Buuut now I'm laying in bed typing the same encouragement to you while my puppy chews on a chewie laying on the floor next to me. 

Hang in there!!! It's worth it, really! It took me at least a month to really get a bond with my dog. Puppy classes helped a TON b/c I got to comiserate w/ other owners...see other puppies w/ bigger issues than my pup...and see him have fun.

Breathe, use that crate and take time for yourself, don't give up everything, and try to recognize the times when she's being cute...and you're actually enjoying her. In a couple of months, you'll have a new routine down and your life WITH the puppy will seem more normal and enjoyable than life without her.


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## lisak_87 (Mar 23, 2011)

Oh, also...

GET AN X-PEN!!!

I swear that thing made my life SO much easier. I'll attach a picture of how I set things up. I thought my back was going to BREAK those first few weeks of chasing him around, picking him up, etc. Once I got the X-pen I was like "OK...I can do this."
Click photo to enlarge


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## doxiemommy (Dec 18, 2009)

Congratulations on your puppy! I know, it can be very overwhelming! And, frustrating, and stressful! Hang in there! And, Lisa gave you excellent advice about taking time for yourself. If you don't, you'll get even more stressed!  I remember when I got our first puppy, Harper, and we finally got him ok with being left for an hour or two. I used to enjoy a trip to the grocery store, like I had never enjoyed it before! It was freedom, and I didn't have to worry about watching to make sure he wasn't going to pee in the house, and I didn't have to worry about him chewing my shoes, etc! 

You have a month off! That's great! It's really awesome that you have that time to get your puppy adjusted! So, you have the luxury of slowly getting your puppy used to being by herself. Lots of folks don't have that! Since you have time, listen to your puppy. Start with leaving her down in the basement for 10 minutes. Act like it's no big deal when you put her down there, and no big deal when you come to let her out. 

It will probably help if you leave something for her to do while she's down there, like giving her a frozen, stuffed kong, or a bully stick. If you stuff a kong with peanut butter, and freeze it, and then give it to her, that may keep her occupied a bit, so she's not stressing about being alone. You can also use cottage cheese, or little bits of regular cheese, or cheese spray, or yogurt. Freezing them helps them not be so messy, and will make it take longer for her to get the yummy stuff out. 

Anyway, start with 5-10 minutes. Do that several times throughout the day, whenever you have some time. After a couple days, try increasing the time, maybe to 15 minutes. Stick at that new time, several times a day, for a couple days. Then, try 20 minutes. You get the point. And, here's what I meant by "listen" to your puppy: if you start with 5-10, and she never seems to get used to that, you may have to start with as little as 1-2 minutes. Take baby steps. Also, if you are up to 15 minutes, and then you increase to 30 minutes, and she freaks out, that increase was too much, try going back down to 20 minutes.

This is "crate conditioning" or "leave conditioning" and you're basically getting her used to being alone in her crate. It will almost always help if you leave a food dispensing toy, like the kong, or a chew like a bully stick. 

Now, if you have to leave to go to the grocery store, and it'll take an hour or two, fine, put her in the crate. I'm not saying you can only leave her for minutes at a time, of course not. You have to do what you have to do. But, conditioning with small chunks of time throughout the day, when you have a chance, can make the longer times in the crate a bit more manageable.....


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## gilly221 (May 30, 2011)

Thanks for the advice, everyone. I felt like I was going crazy, wanting to cry all the time. I nearly burst into tears at the vet for no reason (and that was before the bill came!) It helps to know I'm not alone though.

LisaK, thanks for the encouragement! The xpen looks neat - Lucy is tiny though, so I'm not having an issue with her getting away from me, or lifting her up. I did get the idea from your picture to drape a blanket over my couch, so she doesn't chew it up. 

To everyone else, thanks for your replies. I'll be taking Lucy to puppy school in a few weeks. She's peacefully sleeping in her crate now, ready for bed for the night. I'm really grateful she's a good sleeper, and doesn't mess inside the house. She's a smart one.

Here are a couple of pictures - I couldn't figure out how to get my signature on the original message.


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## a7dk (Mar 30, 2011)

Oh, she's a cutie! I just wanted to chime in to agree with Lisak and the others - it is SOOO normal to go through that "OMG This was a mistake!" phase. I adopted my first dog only a couple of months ago and just in the last 3-4 weeks started getting a really strong bond with him. I think it wasn't exactly a coincidence that that was the time he started to really do well in his training. The things that have really helped are training him, which is so reinforcing for me because he behaves and listens to me, and this forum. So many experienced dog people here!


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## Labmom4 (Feb 1, 2011)

Oh My Goodness! She is absolutely adorable! I want to squeeze her! 
Like everybody else said, its normal to feel this way. It'll pass and before you know it, you wont be able to imagine life without your little furball and you'll be considering adopting a second dog. Dont take it all too seriously and keep a sense of humor. Wine helps. Or beer, if you prefer


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## Irishman (May 13, 2011)

Listen to the very good advice left from previous posts! Dogs do not have a contiguous memory like humans, and any action they've performed more than 3 seconds ago is lost to them. So if you come in and find a pee spot on the floor and swat your dog, she literally has _no idea at all_ what she's being punished for. Don't be fooled into thinking your dog has a "guilty look" when you find the spot. Dogs are masters of body language, and if they see you're upset from even minute changes in your demeanor, they'll give off "calming signals" to indicate they want you to be happy with them. These appear very much like guilty looks, but they're not.

Also, trying to punish a dog for _not _doing something is a waste of your time and a stress to your dog. Saying "No" to your dog when she comes in without pottying is telling her that coming to the door when you're there is scary and unpredictable. 

Also, if your puppy is only 9 weeks old, please don't leave her in a crate for 8 hours at a stretch. That's way beyond what a dog of that age should be holding their potty. How long have you had this puppy? If she's only 9 weeks old, then unless you delivered her and have her mommy, it's only been about 1 week, correct? If she already sits and rings a bell to go potty, you have a wonder dog on your hands. The fact that she cries when you're not around is perfectly normal. She's a baby, and you're now her mommy, and when you're gone the world is a very scary place. 

I have to say that some stress from a new dog is perfectly normal, but if you're busting into tears in the first week of raising a puppy because she cries when alone and doesn't go potty outside after 1 week of training, you need to step back and adjust your expectations. Any time I've brought a puppy home to raise, I expect that the first 2-3 weeks are going to consist of getting up at least once every night to let him/her out to potty, and keeping the puppy around me pretty much all the time. I expect that the puppy will chew on anything she can get her teeth on, will eliminate anywhere she is unless crated, and will find ways to get into places I'd have sworn were secure. Just breathe. It isn't realistic to expect a puppy to become more or less self-sufficient in 1 week. You'll be fine if you relax and focus on the good times with your puppy. The self-sufficiency will come in time.


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## lisak_87 (Mar 23, 2011)

I second doggie daycare!!!!!! It is my savior for times when I'm really busy, exhausted, or sick. Which is pretty much every Saturday


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## ktmlee (Mar 2, 2010)

I went through this same thing - the first week we had our puppy last year, I was REALLY depressed - to the point that I told my husband I thought we should take her back! It is definately a big adjustment, but after a few weeks things got much better (especially after she was housetrained) and now I seriously can't believe I ever wanted to give my puppy back! We still have issues/things we are working on with her, she is not a perfect or easy dog by any means, but she is part of the family now and I can't imagine life without her. So, just hang in there, it will get better


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## Westie3 (Jun 6, 2011)

I had to register just to reply to this. My family got a 17-week-old West Highland White Terrier last Monday. I have not been this emotional since I gave birth to our second daughter 22 months ago! Two nights this past week, I've said to my husband that we made a mistake and I am not going to be able to adequately train a puppy to potty outside. I am not expecting her to be completely trained in a week, but I am just stressed! I have an 8-year-old and my toddler and a puppy. I have been going nuts trying to stay on top of things. I was sobbing uncontrollably the other night. I keep fluctuating between thinking we made a HUGE mistake and being really happy. I grew up with a few dogs that were never completely housebroken. They went at least once daily in the house and that is the last thing I want. I am sometimes paralyzed by fear that this puppy will forever go in the house. I am constantly reading things (which is how I stumbled upon this forum). I think I'm crazy for juggling a puppy and a toddler, but my toddler adores the puppy. That's what keeps me going, to be honest. I really like the puppy, I'm just overwhelmed thinking of the care required, the training, the cost, the extra *work* for me. So I know exactly what you are talking about! I was so glad to hear other people have gone through the same thing! My husband said he's been worried I've been having a nervous breakdown some days!


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## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

Normal, normal normal! No matter how much reading you do ahead of time, I don't think it really sinks in how all-encompassing supervising and housetraining a young puppy can be until you're in the thick of it. Add sleep deprivation, and I was in tears more than once. It gets better, it really does.


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## Tolak (Sep 11, 2008)

lisak_87 said:


> It is 500 billion percent normal to go though a "What the HECK did I do??" period when getting a new puppy.


25 years & several pups later, all terriers, it still happens to me. Done it so many times already, but it always hits that point, usually when you are really tired & run ragged, that you are second guessing your decision. Deep breath, think happy things, it always gets better. Congrats on the new pup, always keep a camera handy, the best pics seem to be the spontaneous ones!


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## luvntzus (Mar 16, 2007)

gilly221 said:


> Hi everyone,
> 
> I got a new Shih-poo puppy, 9 weeks, on Saturday. She's adorable, and pretty smart already, but I feel as though I have post-partum!
> 
> Lucy has already learned to sit quite well, ring the bell to go potty, sleeps about 7-8 hours in her crate through the night, and is starting to walk a bit better on a leash. She's friendly, and likes people and other dogs.


You trained a 9 week old puppy to do all of that in a week?!


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## lisak_87 (Mar 23, 2011)

Tolak said:


> 25 years & several pups later, all terriers, it still happens to me. Done it so many times already, but it always hits that point, usually when you are really tired & run ragged, that you are second guessing your decision. Deep breath, think happy things, it always gets better. Congrats on the new pup, always keep a camera handy, the best pics seem to be the spontaneous ones!


I thought I'd never be well-rested again.
Also that my back would break.


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## msnewzealand (Jun 5, 2011)

I am so glad I found this forum! I am on day 6 of my 12-week old morkie, Lily. I feel guilty thinking "I had no idea it would be this much work"... I am lucky to be able to be at home with her all day to train, but I feel like I have a really active toddler that doesn't wear diapers lol.

Tomorrow we start more of a schedule as I don't really have one yet. I am excited to be a part of this doggie community! I am relieved that others feel the same way with their new additions.


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## Tolak (Sep 11, 2008)

My son has just finished week 2 with his 11 week old pup. Some of what he says is hysterical, but so true. This is as bad as a kid, geez my house is a wreck but I'm busy with the little guy, and so on. It's funny how he spends twice as much time with food prep for the pup as for himself, explains cutting up carrots to the pup, tonight we have a dab of yogurt, while he tosses a frozen pizza in the oven like a Frisbee for himself. Don't know where he gets this from...


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## axis (Jun 5, 2011)

Desensitizing

To start with, you need to begin a process of desensitizing her. First never respond to your dog's whining. If they want to go out or want your attention, wait until they stop whining to respond. Second, If you take action quickly, your dog will learn and change their behaviour much faster than you might expect.


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## gilly221 (May 30, 2011)

Hi all,

Thanks to everyone who's responded. It's great to know there's other puppy owners suffering too! lol 

Lucy is doing really well, but has had a few bad days where she keeps peeing inside. Today she rang the bell to go outside, and peed right at the door anyway before I could open it. *sigh* 

To Westie3, I know how you're feeling - and I don't even have children! Hang in there. 

Lucy still doesn't like to walk on a leash. I have to really coax her to walk - she likes to stop and collapse in the grass (like, 30 seconds into the walk!). She also doesn't come when I call her name inside, but usually does outside. She looks at me like I'm crazy. Not sure why this is. I'm concerned about building a good bond with her. I try to go for walks and lots of play time and some training, but I feel guilty when I need to do some homework, housework, or other chores, and she is trying to get my attention. We're going for training in a couple of weeks, which I'm really looking forward to.

Also, one last point - my brother has a black lab puppy, 6 months old. He's huge compared to my little 5 pound Lucy. I'm really scared to let them play together, even though she wants to. He has a tendency to bat other dogs around, and I'm afraid he'll crush her, or bite her. Is this irrational? My brother is angry that I'm treating his dog like a criminal!


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## Tolak (Sep 11, 2008)

A 6 month old lab pup, or a 6 month old pup in general, is sort of like a 14 year old boy who's coordination has yet to catch up with his rapidly growing body. Unintentional bashes & crashes happen with both, as long as the larger dog has been exposed to other dogs and exhibits good bite inhibition biting should not be an issue. I'd start slow, the lab pup may realize the size difference & dial it back a bit, or he may not, every dog is an individual in many respects.


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## Irishman (May 13, 2011)

gilly221 said:


> Lucy still doesn't like to walk on a leash. I have to really coax her to walk - she likes to stop and collapse in the grass (like, 30 seconds into the walk!). She also doesn't come when I call her name inside, but usually does outside.


Just a few things to throw in:

To help with the walking, grab some treats and start training your pup to follow you around inside or in your back yard. I picked up a $2 clicker, 'loaded' it up by clicking and treating my youngest about 10-15 times, and then walked around randomly. He'd follow, knowing I had treats. Every time I stopped and he was with me, I'd click and give a treat. Actually, I waited until he sat down to give a treat, but even just following around is good behavior to reinforce. What this will do is tell your puppy that following you and paying attention to your movements is a good thing. After this is successful in several places in your house and back yard, grab a leash and repeat the process, treats and all. This WILL be irritating if your dog really hates the leash. Prepare for it. If at any time your dog just lays down or gets upset, back off. I just dropped the leash and continued with the treats. The leash was still attached, but I wasn't holding it. Never ever pull your dog or scold them when they're uncooperative. Only do this for a few minutes at a time, and try to make it as fun for your dog as possible. 

The last bit I'll throw in is that your brother is being overly sensitive and (in my opinion) very unreasonable. Labs are like huge adults with the emotional restraint of small children. They are wonderful dogs, but at 6 months his dog is probably quite large, bursting with energy, and not too good at impulse control. Accidents between a dog of that size and your 5-lb baby pup are not only possible, but likely. I'm a little on the blunt side, but first I'd try letting him know that you're not verbally attacking his dog, and that any large, young dog might accidentally hurt a tiny puppy. If that didn't work I'd tell him to back off and deal (yes, there's the blunt part). Some people just can't imagine that their dear dog could do harm to another, but that's unrealistic. I wouldn't leave a 1-year old human baby in a room to play with 7-year old kids. Accidents are inevitable. The same applies to dogs. Good for you for sticking up for your puppy.


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## Fuzzy Pants (Jul 31, 2010)

Oh, it took me about a month before I started to like my puppy. Honestly, I wanted an older dog that was at least partially trained. It was my husband that insisted on a puppy. He swore he'd handle the training but of course it ended up being my job. So every accident made me resent my husband and puppy. Now I just love her to bits. She really brightens my day and makes sure she shows she loves her mommy the mostest. She's finished her first puppy class but still has tons more training ahead of her. Sure, I'll be thrilled when she's 3 and over this puppy nonsense, but I don't dislike her anymore.


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## Squaw Valley Dogs (Jun 11, 2011)

Oh I love this thread. I lost the love of my soul in March (Aussie Quasar age 12). My buddy Aussie Mayson at 7 is calm and perfect. Our house was so quiet it was destroying me. Let's get another dog. Fell in love with a pup. Great. First pup out of 4 dogs. Worms, URI, giardia, coccidia, mange, no pottytraining, chewing, up one to two times at night. He is, though, cratetrained thankfully.

A few days in and I hit postpartum depression. Thought I was nuts. I left the dog with my husband, took the other, and left. Worried so much we came home. Over a few weeks I settled into a routine. Still clearing coccidia, pottytraining, stopping his termite-like activities. Depression lifted. All that is left is joy at watching him grow and bond with us and help us fill the silence. 

I love this post. I felt the same way.


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## petpeeve (Jun 10, 2010)

gilly221 said:


> She also doesn't come when I call her name inside, but usually does outside. She looks at me like I'm crazy. Not sure why this is.


More tips ..  ...

Her name should be used to GAIN HER ATTENTION during moments when she's inattentive; the recall is used at a certain distance to get her to stop whatever she is doing and COME to where you are. Learn to seperate the two, since they are distinctly different behaviours.

The easiest way of teaching the name, is by creating an ASSOCIATION. When she is nearby, say "Lucy" then when she looks give a treat. .."Lucy", treat. .."Lucy", treat ... and so forth. Also, recite your dog's name during cheerful play sessions etc. By doing these types of excercises, your dog will learn to ALWAYS associate her name with nothing but wonderful things happening. She'll quickly begin to think of her name as a PREDICTOR of fun, lol. Never use your dog's name in a negative way (administering punishment, scolding, etc).

For puppy recalls, start with very short distance in a NO-distraction environment .. indoors. Give high value treats each and every time she comes to you. Progressively lengthen the distance slightly and add in minor distractions. When she is proficient at moderate distances and under slight distraction indoors, then begin to practice outdoors, starting over with short distances and no distractions. Never use come in a negative way (nail clipping, bathing, crate time, impending isolation, etc) as this may be part of the reason that she's reluctant to come to you indoors. In fact, you may even want to do that one the other way around .. starting outdoors and reinforcing heavily, before moving indoors. (Dang, that dog sounds backwards  lol)



Remember: low expectations and great patience. Practice in varied environments both inside and outside so that she begins to generalize.


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## GrinningDog (Mar 26, 2010)

Hugs, New Puppy Owners! It's natural to feel that way. Hang in there! You'll be so glad you did.


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