# "There's No Crying In Dog Sports"



## kadylady (Sep 23, 2010)

http://pupniron.com/laurie-s-blog/blog/there-s-no-crying-in-dog-sports



> Laurie C. Williams CPDT-KA
> Or getting angry (especially at your dog), or throwing a tantrum and storming off, or blaming everyone and everything other than your lack of practice, training, and/or ring readiness. And yet it seems I am seeing these things happen more and more these days, especially from those who are relatively new to dog sport competition. Full disclosure, I have cried myself after a very poor performance. I've been at this game for more than 30 years now so I'm not going to even try to portray that I haven't had my own moments of weakness. But that's exactly what it was, weakness, and the cloud of shame that came over me afterwards in turn forced me to reflect on what exactly was going on in my head and causing the momentary breakdown. I don't have a problem with anyone being competitive and wanting your performance to reflect the time you've put into the training for that particular sport. Healthy competition is fine, but the operative word is "healthy." When your participation in a sport leads you to sadness, disappointment and/or very unsportsmanlike behavior, it's the opposite of healthy. And then there's our teammates, our dogs. What happens to them amongst all the anger, crying, disappointment and blaming? Don't think for a moment that they don't feel it all. We all know every emotion we feel travels right down the leash and is absorbed by our dogs. What message are we sending them about what just happened? What associations are we making for them? Is this the mental picture we want etched into their brains about being our teammate? And then we wonder why so many dogs become "ringwise."
> 
> So, how can we avoid these emotions taking over after a less than stellar performance?
> ...


Thoughts? Discussion? I think it's spot on.


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## CptJack (Jun 3, 2012)

I think I'm the wrong person to be commenting on this, because I'm not a competitive person and I'm not very far into the game. I'd rather go to fun matches, show 'n goes, practices and classes than to trials. I LIKE the idea of titles and thinking about them makes me warm and fuzzy because I like positive reinforcement as much as any dog, but. 

It really is just a game I play with my dogs, and a lot of the FUN there is in playing with my dogs and hanging out with other dog people. 

When it starts to damage instead of build your relationship with your dog, I think it's time to take several steps back. 

That said, I don't think there's anything wrong with really wanting success, either, as long as it's not at the cost of your dog's well being or happiness. I also think it's important to remember that there will be a time when your dog is no longer able to compete and to make sure the only thing of value in your dog's life, the only way and place it has to interact with you, isn't a sport. I've only seen that once or twice, though.

I have seen some tears and bad attitudes even in FOUNDATIONS classes, which is just absurd.

And I worry when I see someone who has never done agility or has done a little bit of it and then wants to go out and get a dog FOR agilty with their eyes set on worlds or something, which I've seen online some. 

Dog you like FIRST. Dog you would enjoy living with, if agility or rally or whatever weren't even an option. THEN sports, IMO, for 99.99% of people out there, even while recognizing that dog sports is a bug that bites people and it's something that they want to continue doing with their dog/future dogs. Just make sure if the sport of your choice disappeared from the planet tomorrow as an option you'd still enjoy your dogs.


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## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

My very very first rally trial, there was a woman crying after her run ringside because she scored a 98 instead of a 99, she felt that one of her point deductions was unforgivably incorrect/unfair.

I turned to my husband and told him if I ever got that intense, he was to forbid me to trail ever again. I enjoy doing well, but that's not the relationship I want to have with the activity or the person I want to be around my dogs. But like CptJack, I'm not super competitive so I may not be the best person to ask... I cheer when I Q with a 71.


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## ireth0 (Feb 11, 2013)

I'm also not super competitive, but I've always been adamant that any sport or classes I do with her, I do for the both of us to have fun. If she's not having fun anymore, or if the class is causing me stress, then there's no point in continuing to do it.

I've seen dogs at nosework that are just slinking across the floor, obviously not enjoying themselves in any way whatsoever, but are still being made to search (even though the dog isn't actually searching) because the handler is demanding that from them. It just makes me so sad.

I don't have anything in my mind of what I want or need her to be other than the dog she is. I just do my best to do my part to help her do *her* best, whatever that best is for her.


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## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

The only time I ever cried after a dog show was when I completely screwed everything up and caused Watson to lose (or probably caused him to lose).

The next day of the show I did everything right but he was a doof and non-cooperative, and I really wasn't upset at all that we lost. So what if he tried to jump up on the judge. lol

I'm much harder on myself than the dog. Sure, sometimes he does things and I think "why?!", but mostly I'm frustrated that I screwed something up, or that I don't know how to correctly train something. 

Personally, I don't see that many horrible attitudes, but I mostly train and rarely compete in anything, so I'm insulated from that.


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## petpeeve (Jun 10, 2010)

I've posted this link before, but I think it's worth posting it again.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TfXGD4hP1Ro


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## CptJack (Jun 3, 2012)

"And just as failure will not define our future, neither will we rely on success to create our sense of self worth."

Yes. 

Just. Yes.


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## Apricot (Nov 25, 2012)

The only times I get upset at shows are when Elsie disengages with me. I don't mind NQing; that's fine, it's part of obedience, but being left hanging in the ring sucks. It sucks double knowing that failure is 100% my fault, and success is 100% her--I picked the dog, I trained the dog, I picked the trial. I'm not mad at her, or the judge--I'm mad at myself. 

The only times I've cried in the ring were from joy; when she got her first novice leg (I was so moved at how hard she works for me), when she got her RAE (we retired from rally with no NQs, and she placed every time--what did I do to deserve such a willing partner?), and when she got her CDX.


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## kadylady (Sep 23, 2010)

I am pretty competitive and can be pretty hard on myself and put a lot of pressure on myself. I feel like I do a good job of not putting pressure on my dogs or being upset with them though. I am more likely to analyze the crap out of my handling to try and figure out what I am doing wrong. But I thought these were all really good reminders. I have seen (not a lot but some) people that just don't look like they are having fun and their dogs certainly don't look like they are having fun and it's like why?

My trainer has really helped me keep a good head on about a lot of this stuff. She's just so positive and all about finding the stuff that went right. If I want her to analyze a run with me I first have to tell her things that went right before she will discuss anything that went wrong. That has really helped the way I look at things when I come out of the ring. 

The point that stuck with me the most in the article was #10. I guess I can relate that personally to my college experience. I spent 4 years at a university working towards an expensive degree that I don't even use. But man, was that a fun journey. I made some of the best friends, we had the time of our lives, met my husband, and essentially got put where I am today. So I could look at the whole experience as a huge expensive failure because my end goal (the degree) seems kind of useless right now. But instead I choose to think about what a great journey that was and I wouldn't trade it for anything. Same with agility. If Zoey and I never get a MACH or C-ATCH or heck, even get out of Open, or worse, can't play ever again, I can sit here and honestly say that we had a really amazing journey together. Getting involved in dog sports has changed us both for the better, and I certainly wouldn't trade that for anything either.


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## petpeeve (Jun 10, 2010)

CptJack said:


> "And just as failure will not define our future, neither will we rely on success to create our sense of self worth."
> 
> Yes.
> 
> Just. Yes.


Funny. I wrote down a short transcription of that quote, myself, with the original intention to include it in my post. For no real reason I decided not to, and pressed submit. But yeah, weird that we were probably having the same thought.

My favourite line from that video for sure. I think it relates well to the topic at hand.


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## petpeeve (Jun 10, 2010)

Never 'cried' in the ring or after a trial, personally. Lord knows there were plenty of times that I theoretically could've. But I think it's best to internalize, if at all, rather than express outwardly. I guess I'm tough. And I guess if there's any disappointment or frustration to be had, then it's time for introspection, really. Although I will admit I was once moved to near-tears *ahem* during my after-dinner speech at a memorial trial/celebration for veterans. Apparently I'm not as tough as I claim, lol.



Apricot said:


> The only times I've cried in the ring were from joy


 This of course. The only exception to the rule I can think of.


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## Laurelin (Nov 2, 2006)

That was a good read! 

I've always been pretty laid back about it but have left a trial in tears twice. Once when Summer had her seizure (understandable) and once when it was just really really bad. For me it's never been a worry that we would do badly though. I was worried that I wouldn't be able to keep training and competing. At the time I could not get another dog though so that was part of the pressure. I had one dog that plain couldn't compete and one that was old.


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