# My dog is scared of me...



## Lu-Lu (Jan 4, 2010)

About a week ago I accidentally stepped on my dogs foot - hard! She knows she is not allowed in the kitchen when I am in there and patiently waits at the end for me and then goes in to sniff around when I am finished. The other day I guess the smell of roast chicken was too much and as I was taking it out of the oven I stepped back onto her (I assume it was a leg) -she yelped really loud and ran off to her cage (yelping) and I got a fright and burnt myself on the oven. This meant I couldnt go and console her immediately and when I did go to her she was so nervous.

She is an incredibly affectionate little girl and now she seems scared of me. I picked her up and touched her legs/feet and even though she was shaking she didn't complain when I touched them. There was no limping or anything and infact was running around soon after so I don't think I did anything permanent.

Now she cowers when I go to her. I have been trying to give her treats but she wont take them so I just leave them onthe floor and she eventually gets them. She is fine with my husband and kids but as I am with her most of the day she usually follows me around and greets me but she isn't doing this. W

What can I do to redeem myself. Will she ever get over this?


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## Elana55 (Jan 7, 2008)

I read through your other posts to try to learn about your dog and you before answering this.

Something (prior to this) has happened between you and your dog. She started what sounds like submissive peeing coming out of her crate and your previously housebroken dog is no longer house broken (from your other posts). She has started to be nervous about eating in addition to other issues. 

Now you are saying she 'knows not to come in the kitchen when I am in there' and I am wondering by what method you taught her essentially to stay away from you in this particular location/environ? What methods have you used to train this dog and how did you potty train her? 

She was scared before this incident from the sounds of things.. and your accidentally hurting her has made her even MORE scared. You mention you were surprised and burnt yourself when you stepped on her. How did you react to being burned? Did you yell? Scream obscenities? 

If this stepping on her was a one time offense (from the dog's point of view) you likely would not have seen much reaction later and certainly no ongoing issue. I am thinking there were issues before you stepped on her and this incident solidified previous incidents in your dog's mind that you are not to be trusted. 

Not saying that IS it.. just looking at your other posts and thinking that it MIGHT be it and worth it for you to consider.


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## Lu-Lu (Jan 4, 2010)

To clarify. Not sure about the submissive peeing thing - we had issues with regression on potty training a while ago and I went back to potty training 101 and all has been good last few months. Eating is an ongoing issue as she loves food she can't have - wet food that gives her a bad tummy - so I have to constantly change her dry food to mix it up. seems she gets bored with the same dry food so I have about 6 different bags of food that I alternate. Still there are days she hardly eats at all.

As far as not coming in the kitchen - we have only one entrance/exit into the kitchen and a simple 'out' has her sitting at the end waiting. Sometimes just a hand jesture is enough to keep her sitting and staying. I worked on this for a while as I realise a dog in the kitchen is dangerous (and kids too!). She knows her boundaries eg: she is not allowed upstairs into the kids bedrooms and waits patiently at the bottom of the stairs for them. As far as potty training - she was crate trained.

While she is a very affectionate dog she does seem sensitive. Not so much surprised when I burnt myself - it hurt and scarred and yes I yelled out an aaaarrrggghhhh - no profanity.

I understand what you are saying but I find it hard to accept as she is so loving and affecionate and if the whole family is in the room I am the go to person. I am with her most of the time and I am the only one to walk her, feed her, give her treats and train her I also play with her but admit the kids do most of the 'fun' stuff. She definately does listen to me eg: if she is doing somehting she shouldn't and I tell her off eg: Lu-lu off or down - she will do it before she responds to anyone else.

Everything I do is for her safety and comfort and the same for my family. 
I think I answered most of your queries. Thanks for your input.


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## LazyGRanch713 (Jul 22, 2009)

Lu-Lu said:


> About a week ago I accidentally stepped on my dogs foot - hard! She knows she is not allowed in the kitchen when I am in there and patiently waits at the end for me and then goes in to sniff around when I am finished. The other day I guess the smell of roast chicken was too much and as I was taking it out of the oven I stepped back onto her (I assume it was a leg) -she yelped really loud and ran off to her cage (yelping) and I got a fright and burnt myself on the oven. *This meant I couldnt go and console her immediately and when I did go to her she was so nervous*.
> 
> She is an incredibly affectionate little girl and now she seems scared of me. * I picked her up and touched her legs/feet and even though she was shaking she didn't complain when I touched them*. There was no limping or anything and infact was running around soon after so I don't think I did anything permanent.
> *
> ...


When my neice was a little toddler (2 or so), she would toddle around and fall on her butt a lot. The first time it happened I dropped what I was doing and ran to her, and she IMMEDIATELY started bawling. I was advised to, next time she plopped on her butt, to laugh and say "you silly girl!!" So I did--she plopped down and she began laughing when I called her silly. She wasn't hurt the first time she fell, but my attitude of fear rubbed off on her, and made her upset. From what I bolded above, I'm wondering if your good intentions to console and "make up" with Lulu and apologize for stepping on her foot isn't making her fear worse. If she's offered a treat and praised and told "I am SO sorry, mommy didn't mean to step on you..."etc, you're basically telling her "when you act fearful, you're gonna get a lot of attention". A smart dog (or kid!!) will keep it up. 
It might not be what's going on, but it's just a thought to consider


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## Elana55 (Jan 7, 2008)

This sounds like a VERY soft dog. Soft dogs are often very loving dogs. They also lack confidence. Anything they perceive as aversive can set some soft dogs into a fear cycle. Making a big deal of the fear can actually increase the reactivity in the dog as the are reinforced for being afraid (that sounds funny.. but sometimes a dog is scared and you make a fuss and the dog gets the idea they were right to be scared.. and become MORE scared). 

Remember.. this is a dog. They do not see things the way humans do. Not only is this a dog, it is a very SMALL dog (poodle and Cavalier if I got the designer thing right). Some small dogs can be VERY nervous. Does your dog shake when she is in new places or situations? 

You may provide everything for the dog, but the dog may find kids more fun. It happens. LOL Don't take if personally if it does. 

I am thinking that you may need some guidance of fearful dogs. There is a thread here (http://www.dogforums.com/general-dog-forum/76946-fearful-dog-thread-ii.html) that may help you. 

I am just trying to ferret out some help for you. I have not seen the dog or seen you with the dog.. just getting this from what you are saying.

BTW my dogs are boundary trained in a similar manner (no dogs in kitchen, bathrooms, bedrooms.. ooops.. I have relaxed that one a bit.. dog is allowed on her bed in the Bedroom). I am not saying what you are doing is typically wrong or anything. Just you need to tread very very carefully around soft dogs as they will interpret something as simple as dropping your keys on a hard floor as a horrible thing! Soft dogs take everything personally and are often afraid to make a mistake. 

Again.. I could be totally offathe wall on this. Not seen the dog.


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## MegaMuttMom (Sep 15, 2007)

My dog is a very soft dog. One time he accidently pinched the inside of my arm with his teeth (he was doing a grooming thing that he often does). I let out a yelp, without thinking, because it PINCHED. He ran to the other end of the room and refused to come near me for the rest of the day. I yelped just like a puppy would and, being the soft, submissive dog he is, he thought he had done wrong. Come to think of it, I'm not sure if he's ever groomed me like that again. Aw, that's sad, it was a really sweet thing he would do. 

If what happened to you and your dog happened in my house, you bet he would be wary of me, the kitchen, and the oven. One time our baby gate fell down, not on him, but near him. If I prop it in the corner of any room, he will be nervous to go in the room. He is terrified of it ever falling again. He's one heck of a goofball.

Mind you, I have never done anything but positive training with him. He trusts me implicitly. If you are lucky, your dog has learned that it's best to stay out of the kitchen.


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## Lu-Lu (Jan 4, 2010)

Thank you for your responses. I will study the link that was sent as well.

She is a very soft dog but thankfully she doesn't do the whole shaking thing (except when we first got her home). I think she is getting better -she used to get upset over anything out of place eg: washing basket in the hallway, box at the front door etc. SHe is a little better now.

It does make sense to not cuddle and praise her when she is acting like this - she would associate this with her feelings.
I just got home and actually got a welcome!!!! - progress!
Thanks again


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

From her perspective, she came into the kitchen and you stepped on her and yelled on her. However, she doesn't know what caused the intense punishment, so she is wary about every interaction, so that she does not get punished again. I imagine that she will learn to trust you again in the main rooms and the bedroom.

But, I would bet that she remains timid when you are in the kitchen. That may be a good thing to keep her out of the kitchen. 

However, if you want to try to apologize, now, then you can try some small treats, sitting on the floor, holding the treat out while looking at your lap ... not at her. Then, adjust your postures based on her confidence. 

On the other hand, if you do nothing unusual, she may go through a stage and grow out of her fear....


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## patriciap (Jul 30, 2010)

A similar thing happened to me and my puppy Lola. She was just so darn small and always at my feet and one day I accidentally stepped on her paw - thank goodness I was just wearing house slippers! She yelped really loud and I fet so guilty. =( She was fine with me that night, but the next morning, I took her to the vet (her first vet visit since I got her - we had only been together for about 2 weeks) and I had to leave her there for about 5 hours while I went to work. Anyhow, something must've traumatized her while she was there because when she got home... she did a 180. My cute affectionate puppy turned into a super duper freaked out fearful little furball!. It didn't happen all at once... it progressed over about a week.

I didn't want her to be scared of me, so I would let her take off and hide and do her thing, but when the behavior kept worsening, I decided to take the bull by the horns. For aobut 3 or 4 days, she was constantly in my arms and slept with me. This was no easy task at first because she was running from me, barking/screeching at me and even tried to bite me a couple of times - she was really scared. Anyhow, like magic, a few days of intense bonding and now she's the happiest and most confident little puppy you'll ever meet. She's not scared of strangers or other dogs. I don't think she realizes that she's only 7 lbs! lol

Anyhow, the reason I told you my long story was because I don't want you to go through the same thing... if she keeps distancing herself from you, I think the behavior can spin out of control, so don't be afraid to take the bull by the horns. Show her you're the boss and that you love her and will take care of her.


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## Madraga (Oct 4, 2010)

This happened to me too but the circumstances are a bit different. We frightened each other. I was rubbing her belly and chest when I yawned and this sort of startled her and she started growling and barking at me. Now that startled me so at first I begged her to stop then she wouldn't so I started yelling her name when I stood up she jumped to the bathroom and growled louder and barked louder so I yelled her name over and over. I couldn't stop her from barking so i left the room and asked my dad to help. When I returned she did follow me around still but now, everytime i sit it could be on the couch or chair, she'd cower and hide from me. She won't even look me in the eye. 

I've been ignoring her and not doing eye contact with her as much as I can and just allowing her some space. Every now and then when I'm lying in bed or doing something I'd notice her watching me and when I forget and check and look at her, she starts to hide again. I dunno if we can go back to normal but I feel like she hates me now even though she follows me around.

I've been reading all your posts and most of you have given suggestions on what to do next time something like this happens. But I was wondering if you have suggestions as to what to do now when the dog isn't responding normally. What can we do to fix the damage done?


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

It's helpful for you to tell us the breed and age of the puppy. Pictures are nice, too 

Puppies go through well-defined stages. One is the Fear stage at ~3 months. If you scare the puppy at this stage, she may appear to over-react. When the issue is not too drastic, then she'll get over it in 2 - 4 weeks.

If you are really concerned, then sit on the floor and watch TV, ignoring her, but holding a tiny treat in your hand. If the situation is as you described, it is minor, and she will come up to you timidly and take the treat. Put another in your hand and repeat.

After she has taken the 4th little treat, offer to scratch her chin. She should be willing to accept your apology. However, do not try to scratch her belly and ignore her, even if she offers, the first time. But, the second time she offers, be careful and gentle.

I am guessing that she will be timid about showing her belly for a few weeks, so this approach may let her see that it is no big deal...


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## Madraga (Oct 4, 2010)

hanksimon said:


> It's helpful for you to tell us the breed and age of the puppy. Pictures are nice, too
> 
> Puppies go through well-defined stages. One is the Fear stage at ~3 months. If you scare the puppy at this stage, she may appear to over-react. When the issue is not too drastic, then she'll get over it in 2 - 4 weeks.
> 
> ...


She's a yorkie mix, around 2 to 3 years old. I got her 4 weeks ago, she's from a friend who got her from another person. I'm thinking she may have been abused by her previous owners coz she's submissive and fearful. The night the incident happened, I went downstairs where she hid to offer her a treat, she did take it from my hand but she was shaking. I've never seen it before, she was trembling at the sight of me. i figured out the trigger... this happens when i just come out of the shower, and wearing my pjs. I had to force her to sleep in my room coz my brothers are leaving early tomorrow. I know this may be bad coz i need to give her space but no one will be able to care for her tomorrow. She got frightened by us again today, my brother accidentally dropped the remote on her so she got even more freaked out coz i was crouching next to her calling her name.

we've been doing progress for the past 2 days. she showed me her belly today so i could pet it. actually she did after the incident. she's odd coz it's like she wants the attention but is afraid of me. she's constantly reminded of what happened. i thought dogs lived in the moment? 

She ate treats from me, even went up the couch when i asked her too. although not as much as before the incident. do i really have to keep ignoring her? i can't give her attention and keep trying to gain her trust back?


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

OK, I thought she was a puppy, but she's a re-homed dog with an unknown history.

No, you don't have to ignore her, but try not to stare at her, which is hard to do with a Yorkie b/c they're small and cute. But, right now, she thinks that if you stare at her, that you are aiming, so you can drop another TV remote on her 

You're doing the right thing to regain her trust. No, they don't really live only in the moment... they couldn't learn, if that were completely true. Try not to carry her a lot ... unless you are positive that she likes it. Picking her up is OK.

After she has calmed down in a week or so... she should get over it in a few days... you might try to socialize her with a stream of gentle people, one or two at a time. Have them come in, have a treat and pet her gently. The more different people that she is exposed to ... slowly ... the more her confidence will build.

Think of the process as being similar to the noisy house syndrome for babies. The way to get a baby to sleep through the day is not to have a quiet house, because a loud noise will scare the baby. The way... is to let the baby get used to an increasingly noisy house... 

It's similar with socialization. Slowly introduce the dog to gentle people, then to more and more people, and she will get used to it.


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## Madraga (Oct 4, 2010)

hanksimon said:


> OK, I thought she was a puppy, but she's a re-homed dog with an unknown history.
> 
> No, you don't have to ignore her, but try not to stare at her, which is hard to do with a Yorkie b/c they're small and cute. But, right now, she thinks that if you stare at her, that you are aiming, so you can drop another TV remote on her
> 
> ...



Thanks. Last night before I took a bath she liked it when i carried her especially when the whole family was around coz she gets scared of them. But after my bath and this morning, she'd shake when I carry her. she still plays with me and stuff but she keeps remembering. i'm still wearing the same pjs so she'll get used to it and see that i'm the same person. I don't know if that will help though. Should i change?

I keep her in my room for the moment. when it's feeding time or potty time i let her go down. i'm trying to avoid exposing her to the maids at the moment coz she likes them a lot more again. she bonded with them first coz they were the first to see her and give her a bath and feed her. i did ok with her already. i've been feeding her and she's been following me around. but i'm just afraid she'll revert back to her old ways and fear me and not follow me anymore. she was hospitalized a week ago coz her alt shot up after the vet treated her heartworm. so she saw me as the person who took care of her so she began to trust me and get excited when she sees me. And then i made the mistake so i'm afraid i've ruined it.


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

No need to change your PJs. You haven't ruined anything, because Dogs adapt. So, as long as there are no extreme events or immediately repeated things that scare her, she will get used to it.

I shock my dog regularly  ... no, not with a shock collar, but accidentally by static electricity, when the weather is dry. It hurts me, too. But, because it is a little pin prick, my dog flinches, but otherwise ignores it. So, he will greet me, touch me with his nose, shock both of us, flinch, and keep wagging his tail, waiting for me to pet him. In the morning, I may come rub his belly to wake him. He hears me first, then I rub his belly... shocking him ... so he jerks a little, but he doesn't move at all, because he's getting a belly rub.... They get used to anything... And, your dog will forget the accident.


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## Madraga (Oct 4, 2010)

Thanks guys. I haven't been changing my PJs just yet coz I want him to get used to me wearing it. Get used to my scent after the shower. Everytime I leave the house though and the maids are left behind, I dunno what they do or how they do things around her... She changes when i'm home. It's like she prefers them again and it's like she sees something in them that's different from me. When I get home she still follows me around, I still feed her and play with her, but after i shower I'm back there again. It doesn't normally take long for her to get used to me, especially the next day when I wake up, but like today she wouldn't even come to me when I called her. I needed to bring her down to pee coz she doesn't pee anywhere in my room anymore. She fears me that much that she wouldn't pee in my presence anymore again. I put pee pee pads everywhere, and before she'd pee in my room. near the pee pads or away from pee pads, but she'll pee and not be afraid. Now she won't. I know I shouldn't complain about this coz everyone tries so hard to train their dogs not to pee in their rooms, but she's the opposite. When we first got her she was so afraid that she won't pee in our presence. THen weeks later we were able to train that's it's ok to pee and poop so she's been doing it regularly, her health has improved when she changed her potty habits. Now it's all the same, or maybe worse i think.

It's difficult to train her coz there are so many people around who don't really listen to what I say and do what they want with the dog, like baby her, pet her and give her what she wants. So I end up looking like the bad guy coz I'm not giving in to her and forcing her to follow me.

And I will refrain from giving her those belly rubs coz I think she does it coz she thinks I like to do it to her. So she lies on her back and lets me do it even though she doesn't want it. It's like she's being very very submissive when I'm around.


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

I bet the maids spoil her... but you're developing a long term bond... keep up the discipline... You can try to tell people that she is in training... and ask folks in the house to follow through with one action... which ever is most important and longer term. 

I'd have to be there to know, but a belly rub can also be a sign of trust ?


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## Madraga (Oct 4, 2010)

hanksimon said:


> I bet the maids spoil her... but you're developing a long term bond... keep up the discipline... You can try to tell people that she is in training... and ask folks in the house to follow through with one action... which ever is most important and longer term.
> 
> I'd have to be there to know, but a belly rub can also be a sign of trust ?


Thanks for the support. i read about these things all day everyday now for the past week. She still fears me. She'd sit next to me and stuff when people are home but right after i shower... that's it, she remembers the ME of that night so she hides. Occasionally when I sit on the couch, I'd see her peeking and looking at me, kinda like checking who it is. I feel like she probably thinks of me as Jekyll and Hyde. When I have my PJs on and I'm fresh out of the shower, I'm the bad guy already. I showered tonight and had the same reaction, it's not getting better except for the peeking part (but I think she did that before too). THen I left the house for a few hours. She just stayed downstairs without following my brothers to go upstairs, when I got home she gave me a wagging tail and excited welcome so i patted her and stuff. Then I think when she knew it's time for bed she'd rather stay downstairs. I don't think she stayed downstairs coz she's waiting for me, I think she stayed there coz she knew it was bedtime and she'd rather be away from upstairs during bedtime coz it happened at that time. She kinda knows for some reason that it's night time, I'm about to shower and then go to bed, so she runs back downstairs. I carry her to my room still and just don't bother her, I do quietly put a blanket on her without looking at her, sometimes our eyes meet though coz I can't keep avoiding her gaze. Then I just gently pet her head and tell her goodnight and that i'll see her tomorrow. I dunno if it's right for me to force her to stay in my room coz apparently she dreads this, but it's just too hot downstairs and I prefer her to stay home where it's colder.


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## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

Consider a different theory, that she is scared of the "shower" not the PJs. My dog associates flushing the toilet with going for a walk ! So, it is possible that your dog associates taking a shower with Mr. Hyde !

She may have developed a superstition that you will step on her, after you take your shower.

If that is possible, then you can reframe the association.
1. Don't get in PJs immediately after the shower.
2. Feed her after the shower.
3. Sit on the floor and do a little play/training with treats.

Figure out something fun or good for her to associate with the shower...


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## murtisha (Dec 25, 2012)

Hello everyone. I have had dogs for 25 years, no novice. However, I just rescued a little terrier mix 6 days ago. She's been fine. Today I swatted a fly on the couch (she wasn't near it), and now she is fearful. She'll come out, but won't come near the couch, won't even sleep in the bed now. I feel horrible. What can I do to change this? I've seen some very judgemental posts on this board. I am hoping for some constructive advice here. I can pet her and all, she just hasn't been the same and won't come near the couch or even sleep on the bed like she has been doing.


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## LittleFr0g (Jun 11, 2007)

This thread is over two years old. You'll get far more replies if you start your own thread to ask your question.


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