# kinda sorta having a nervous breakdown over new puppy



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

I've wanted a dog since I can remember, and finally, after reading about it for ages, making sure I have a stable job and home environment, after making sure I know from which shelter to adopt, what to do with the puppy and so on, I adopted a two months old puppy from a shelter. 

it's been a week and I feel like I've made a huge mistake. I haven't had a minute to myself, I haven't slept at all since getting her, I barely eat, I don't have time to properly shower, I am always worried I'm doing something wrong and I keep cursing myself because I'm a cat person, why the hell did I adopt a dog????? I literally cry over the littlest things and I feel like a complete arse for not being happy about finally getting the puppy I've always wanted - she's super sweet and playful an she shows me she likes me, which makes me feel even worse for being so unhappy. I've been trying to do my best so far but I feel like i'm losing my mind. 

I have always hated those people who take a dog back to the store/shelter because "oh it's not what I imagined" but damn, no amount of reading could have prepared me for this... and I'm not saying I want to take her back because I'd literally kill myself before doing that but I'm feeling quite lost.

has this happened to anyone else or am I just a bad dog owner and should have just stuck with cats?????


----------



## parus (Apr 10, 2014)

Put her in a crate or exercise pen and take a shower, have a nice lunch and take a nap. Seriously. She'll be fine. People don't attend to _human_ babies every second of every day; you don't need to attend to the puppy every second of every day.


----------



## MollyM (May 19, 2015)

Kolnidur, it's not just you. We adopted two adult dogs (Shih Tzus) from the shelter about 7 weeks ago. They're 6yo littermates. We had no idea it was going to be so hard. They cried all night and pottied on the floor about 30% of the time. We also have three cats. I love dogs but am seriously more of a cat person. 

We thought adults would be easier than puppies, but didn't take into account the trauma they'd been through (being surrendered to a shelter and living there for a week). We had to try to make them feel safe and also to teach them the rules of OUR house. They wouldn't let us out of sight for weeks without whining and yipping. They still get up super early in the morning, so there is no "sleeping in" on days off anymore. My husband nearly went bonkers after the first week. I am just now starting to get real sleep at night and am feeling human again. 

Don't feel bad about your feelings. Just know that your puppy will grow up and things WILL get better. It's like having a newborn in the house. They eventually sleep through the night and become able to occupy themselves for a bit. And like Parus said....lock her up and take care of yourself. If she cries, it doesn't mean she's dying. As long as she's been fed, watered, and pottied, there's no reason why she can't spend some time alone. Some people might think this is not a good idea, but I would seriously put some earplugs in and take a nap. lol


----------



## ireth0 (Feb 11, 2013)

Totally normal to feel overwhelmed, don't worry, you're not alone! Adding a dog is a big change to your routine, never mind a puppy.

Take a breath, this too shall pass. You'll find your new normal and feel better about the situation.


----------



## lil_fuzzy (Aug 16, 2010)

parus said:


> Put her in a crate or exercise pen and take a shower, have a nice lunch and take a nap. Seriously. She'll be fine. People don't attend to _human_ babies every second of every day; you don't need to attend to the puppy every second of every day.


This. It's ok if the puppy cries in the crate or pen for a little while to let you tend to your own needs.


----------



## cookieface (Jul 6, 2011)

It's totally normal. Take a deep breath, follow Parus' advice, and enjoy your puppy. 

When we brought our older dog home, I spend several evenings in tears because I was so overwhelmed. It all worked out and I decided to do everything all over again.


----------



## mandasannie (Oct 14, 2014)

I felt the same thing the first two weeks we had our puppy. So I agree with everyone else, its completely normal! Just breathe and try to enjoy her crazy little puppyness! Ellie is now 10 months old and I can't imagine life without her


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

Thanks everyone for replying... talking about it already made me feel a lot better  

Austen's actually been doing really good, all things considering, and she's made a bunch of progress in the week I've had her - if i'm unable to walk her she never soils in the house, she uses her pad, she's well behaved with kids, people, buggies, bikes, cars, we even took the tram today and it wasn't a big deal. But she's obviously very energetic and playful and it gets to the point where I'm ripping my hair out because I have to wake up at 6 am every day, tend to her, work, and I'd like to get at least an hour to myself... I would like to read a book, watch a movie, or even do some work, and she's just there needing attention or trying to maul furniture. 

It's such a HUMONGOUS change, and I'm constantly worried of screwing up. Is she whining because I did something wrong, because she doesn't like me, because my flat is too small and she needs to go out more? At this point I don't even know if the crate would work... she's gotten used to her bed, the couch, just generally being around... putting her in a crate because I need some me-time to grade papers and/or power nap would feel like a setback in our relationship. As if I'm punishing her for wanting to be around? I asked my colleague what she thinks about dog crates and she looked at me like I'd just told her I plan on skinning the dog alive and possibly selling her organs to the black doggie market. As if I weren't feeling terrible enough as it is. 

On top of this my 12 year old cat Arwen now can barely come close and she definitely can't cuddle up to me in bed as we watch movies... she sometimes just shuffles about, looks at me meowing like "why would you go and do something like that? We've been doing fine on our own for 12 years and now you've betrayed me" and I FEEL LIKE A BAD MAM ALL AROUND LOL


----------



## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

This happens to just about everybody. Really! Do a search for "puppy blues" and you will find so many other threads saying the same thing.

It will get so much better in a couple weeks when you have a routine and she's able to go a little bit longer between potty breaks.

For now, just put her in her crate or an xpen and take a little time for yourself to take a shower and do what you need to do. She'll be fine. A crate is not a punishment and it won't be a set back to your relationship. I think it's important that dogs learn to be confined away from their owners - what if she has to stay over night at the vet? Or what if you travel somewhere and need to crate her so she doesn't chew up the hotel room? It's an important skill for all dogs to have and if she expects you to be around and entertaining her every single second she will be harder to live with as she grows up. If you feel like the crate is too much, try an xpen. Give her a chew toy or a kong stuffed with some of her food and let her chill out.

My dog hates to be without us, and for years he screamed if he couldn't be in the same room with us. It was really not fun to paint the house for 6 hours a day, 3 days straight with him screaming almost the entire time because he was gated into the kitchen. It's good for dogs to learn how to be alone and entertain themselves while you do your own thing for an hour or so.

ETA: Love the name Austen! I assume she's named after Jane Austen? I considered the name for our new pup too.


----------



## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

Just adding my voice to the chorus of "what you're feeling is normal." You're sleep deprived, you're food deprived, your whole schedule has changed and you are worried about screwing up. Normal, normal, normal and normal.

The good news? They grow up. This phase doesn't last forever. And it's perfectly fine to put the puppy up in a crate to take a shower, do the dishes, vacuum, throw in a load of laundry... all the everyday stuff that feels completely overwhelming right now. It will be ok.


----------



## notgaga (Oct 25, 2014)

Welcome to puppyhood! It gets better.

If you feel bad about the puppy crying in the crate when you put her there to get away from her for a little while (lord knows I needed that too at times) then try putting wet food, peanut butter, or something else delicious in a kong for her. You could even freeze it first which will take her longer to get through and will almost certainly placate her.

I couldn't eat the first week I had my puppy and didn't even want to be alone with her. She woke me up at like 6 every day for maybe 4-5 months? Play with her a lot, infuse some training (bite inhibition if she needs it, sit/stay/come/down), give her time to explore. It'll all tire her out so she'll also be less inclined to scream when left alone for you time - theoretically.


----------



## Lupus24 (May 25, 2015)

I guess it's pretty normal to have a bit of regret after adopting a puppy. My puppy was three months old when we got her, and my family and I were thrilled at the beginning. But it definitely wasn't long before we found out what a handful these animals can be. It's been two months now, and to be honest, I sometimes think I'm not cut out for this pet business, but I don't want to let her go. I still encourage myself everyday that I have what it takes to be my dog's master for the rest of her life.

Just remember to keep a cool head. Dogs have a special way of picking up on our emotions, and they don't like to obey people who aren't calm.


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

We just got back from a playdate at the park where I decided to unleash the wild beast... who simply flopped on her back and let everyone pet her before playing with the other dogs. So wild. Feel the terror. 

It's an open area park - in the dog areas proper there's only huge dogs and to be honest I'm afraid of letting her play with a bunch of Rottweilers and Pitbulls... I don't care how much the owners tell me they're socialised and behaved - but she just ran about a bunch, fetched small branches so I could play with her, regular dog stuff. She came every time I called and never strayed too far, so I'm considering it a success, ESPECIALLY BECAUSE BEFORE THAT I MANAGED TO SQUEEZE IN A NAP. I'm so excited I could cry. Next step: pizza. 

I've done a Google search for "puppy blues" and I honestly feel so much better... I thought I was a moron who should have known better but even experienced dog owners have had issues with puppyhood, so that's something. I'll try and buy a crate (my flat really is quite crammed so I'll have to figure the logistics out) and see what happens...



elrohwen said:


> ETA: Love the name Austen! I assume she's named after Jane Austen? I considered the name for our new pup too.


Yes!  the whole name is actually Jane Austen ! She's started realising that it's her name and it's so heartwarming to see her perk up whenever I call her.



notgaga said:


> She woke me up at like 6 every day for maybe 4-5 months?


Yep. Feeling this. She generally wakes me up at 6.30 (even though I set the alarm for 8 am invariably) but this morning decided to be a real piece of garbage and wake me up at 6... you meet some interesting people whilst walking the dog at 6 in the morning, let me tell you.


----------



## notgaga (Oct 25, 2014)

^ it's really the most wonderful feeling the first time you wake up and realize the puppy finally slept until a reasonable hour. 

also, i discovered that she took naps after eating and doing her business + maybe ten minutes of playtime. So I just tried to be calm and used limited lighting in the early morning, let her eat and romp for a while, then I put her back in bed - at the time she slept with me but had a crate for when I went out - and we stayed there til I could get in a nap, when possible. Saved a shred of sanity. That might work with your puppy too.


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

After waking up I usually feed her breakfast and then take her out for about half an hour... do you reckon that's too long? Should I just take her out for her business and then back in without much of a walk? After that we go home and I go back to bed but she lies down with me for a couple of minutes and then starts playing with her toys... so I never actually manage to get more sleep. I just lie there staring at the ceiling, fondly remembering the days when I could sleep in. 

Second walk of the day (4 total) is around 11.30 am to 1 pm (depending on my work schedule).


----------



## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

kolnidur said:


> After waking up I usually feed her breakfast and then take her out for about half an hour... do you reckon that's too long? Should I just take her out for her business and then back in without much of a walk? After that we go home and I go back to bed but she lies down with me for a couple of minutes and then starts playing with her toys... so I never actually manage to get more sleep. I just lie there staring at the ceiling, fondly remembering the days when I could sleep in.
> 
> Second walk of the day (4 total) is around 11.30 am to 1 pm (depending on my work schedule).


Do things with your future schedule in mind. Think about when you ultimately want to wake up, and then work towards it. So if she can't sleep past 6, but you want to sleep until 8, then get up at 6, take her out quickly to go to the bathroom, then back in and back to bed for a bit. It's fine if you just wake up with her at 6am and start your day, but then at some later point you'll still have to teach her to sleep in. Or you might get lucky and she might sleep in naturally as she gets older. It's up to you. There's really no wrong choice.


----------



## gingerwrinklepup (May 19, 2015)

kolnidur said:


> After waking up I usually feed her breakfast and then take her out for about half an hour... do you reckon that's too long? Should I just take her out for her business and then back in without much of a walk? After that we go home and I go back to bed but she lies down with me for a couple of minutes and then starts playing with her toys... so I never actually manage to get more sleep. I just lie there staring at the ceiling, fondly remembering the days when I could sleep in.
> 
> Second walk of the day (4 total) is around 11.30 am to 1 pm (depending on my work schedule).


Regarding outings, you can certainly over exercise at that age and depending on breed or expected breeds this will vary. I would say that that you do not need limit outings to any specific time, they're great for socialising, using up her brain and will teach her a lot of things. I would walk to a park/green and then sit down, get her to watch things going on and reward for any reaction that isn't negative. If she looks at another dog but just sniffs/looks, great! Reward it. If she looks at people without pulling on the leash or barking, great treat it!
Bikes, cars, leaves... Anything. It sounds silly but over reactivity is a problem in a lot of dogs and doing this type of training early is very effective in stopping it. It also teaches her impulse control, focus on you when there's fun things going on and tires her out without putting pressure on her body.

Other things you can do is throw large pieces of treats into the grass, give a command for find and let her sniff it out. Eventually she'll be really good at it and you can hide tiny treats for her to find. 

This is all very tiring for the pup so take a soft crate or covered bed with you for your puppy to go into and rest or look out while feeling safe. It's great if you can get them to go to sleep on a walk, it teaches them to relax while out and is good if you ever want to go for a picnic or pub.

A lot of people think walks are strictly for physical exercise and focus on tiring out the pup by having them walk/run around, play with other dogs and then go home. I find it much better to do the above kind of activities mixed in with playing to help pup tire out safety while laying great ground work for a well rounded adult dog.


----------



## Jen2010 (Feb 12, 2013)

I'll mirror what everyone else has said and tell you that what you're feeling is perfectly normal and it will get better  Crate training is a good idea for a lot of reasons, I would suggest looking up the benefits of it.

Has your puppy had all her vaccinations? Just be careful about taking her to the park, etc. until she's fully vaccinated.


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

She's a shelter pup and volunteers found her and her littermates in a cardboard box under a bridge, so no one actually knows the breeds involved in creating the little hellhound... my vet took a wild shot and said labrador is the only one she can be pretty positive about. I don't really care about that though... I mean, she's been nothing but sweet with literally everyone/thing so I don't think for now I need to worry about trademark behavious that need immediate correcting. 

I use the term "walk" quite loosely... We go out, walk a bit, play, socialise, and then we sit on a bench/on the grass/wherever and just stay there a bit. Most of the time she falls asleep or stares around, so I think that's going alright as well. So far I've only heard her bark at the vacuum cleaner lol. She's very curious, so she tends to be friendly more than afraid/aggressive. If there's a really big dog (there's two Pitbulls that always roam around here and they're pretty nosey) she hides between my legs and slowly comes out to socialise, but the owner of the big dog has to be there as well. If I'm alone she'll just hide between my legs. 

I have to try the treats in the grass trick, thank you for suggesting it! I want to enroll her in a Puppy Class so they can help me teach her how to sit/stay/etc but I also kinda want to give her a bit more time, since she's been with me for only a week. 

I work mornings on Fridays so we'll see how tomorrow works out...


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

Yes! She's vaccinated and everything  I'm really careful anyway though because I'm worried I'll ruin her lmfao


----------



## Alla (Mar 25, 2015)

It gets better. It does. 

I got a fully house trained, completely well-behaved adult, and it was still not until somewhere around 1-1.5 month mark that I stopped considering taking her to back to her breeder.


----------



## parus (Apr 10, 2014)

kolnidur said:


> At this point I don't even know if the crate would work... she's gotten used to her bed, the couch, just generally being around... putting her in a crate because I need some me-time to grade papers and/or power nap would feel like a setback in our relationship. As if I'm punishing her for wanting to be around? I asked my colleague what she thinks about dog crates and she looked at me like I'd just told her I plan on skinning the dog alive and possibly selling her organs to the black doggie market. As if I weren't feeling terrible enough as it is.


Would you feel guilty about putting a baby in a bassinet to sleep or in a playpen or similar while you were cooking? If not, putting a puppy in a safe place for you to see to your needs - and I do mean needs, you're not doing the puppy any favors by neglecting yourself - should be no source of angst. Do you think the puppy will get more out of interacting with you slightly fewer hours where you are on your game and happy and engaged, or all day, but you are tired and cranky and strung-out and resenting it? 

Things like keeping house, doing school or professional work, etc., are not only for your benefit, they also benefit your dog. 

Personally, I think it's crucial for my dogs to know how to settle without my attention on them, either to entertain themselves or to take a nap. Fifteen years of codependence is not tenable IMO. They need to learn 'okay, she's going now, but I am fine here and she'll be back soon.' 'Okay, she's busy, I will go chew on my kong.' That kind of thing. 

Also, IMO, dogs need to be crate trained if possible even if they aren't going to be routinely crated, and the time to do it is in puppyhood. It's necessary for travel, the vet, emergencies, dog classes, etc.


----------



## cookieface (Jul 6, 2011)

kolnidur said:


> Yes! She's vaccinated and everything  I'm really careful anyway though because I'm worried I'll ruin her lmfao


If she's only 9 weeks old, she's not completely vaccinated (information on puppy vaccines: Puppy Vaccinations: Why Puppies Need a Series of Shots). If you haven't already done so, talk to you vet about the risk of disease in your area just to be safe.

And what Parus said about crates.


----------



## hanksimon (Mar 18, 2009)

These two free downloads may help: http://www.dogstardaily.com/free-downloads
The processes and advice are very good, but IGNORE the threats and warnings, b/c they are a bit over the top. People have been using these methods for 30 years, and not everyone agrees with the warnings.

The crate is not that much different than a leash - It's a box for the pup to rest in, compared to a line to help the pup learn to walk appropriately.

It is VERY good for both of you to go to a class and to start training her now. She is already learning, and a class will help her learn the things that you want in a more orderly manner. Plus, training helps bonding tremendously.


----------



## ForTheLoveOfDogs (Jun 3, 2007)

It is perfectly normal to hate/be overwhelmed your puppy. I just got done hating mine. It took a month. 

If you are definitely against crating, use an ex-pen instead. All it does is confine the dog to a smaller area when you can't 100% watch her. There is nothing wrong with it. As someone who works at a groomer/vet/boarding kennel.. I am very HIGHLY going to recommend crate training. A dog who loves the crate is way less likely to fight going into one when something happens they NEED to be put into one. We have dogs who fight us going into the kennels.. and it is exhausting. All of my dogs are crate trained and it has never severed any trust or bonding. In fact.. you don't want the dog depending on you so much. 

I also recommend not waiting too long on puppy classes. We started taking ours only 2 weeks after we had them. It is generally a safe environment for them to interact with other puppies, people, and hopefully surfaces, objects etc. 

Please take some time for yourself. The puppy will survive for a little bit. It will not ruin them for life or anything, I promise.


----------



## Sunak (Jul 3, 2014)

ForTheLoveOfDogs said:


> It is perfectly normal to hate/be overwhelmed your puppy. I just got done hating mine. It took a month.


Lol. It really is like a disorienting storm in the beginning, isn't it.

Just keep your boat above water, and do what you can to steer when possible."


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

Thanks again for all the support and advice! It's really helped a lot 

"Disorienting storm" is the best way to put it! It's only been a week and sometimes she just looks at me and I feel like locking myself away in the bathroom and ignore everything else. Possibly build a time machine to go back to my pre-puppy days. 

Last night we went to bed around 9.30 (because I'm old and socially sad) and she woke me up at midnight by being extra hyper and peeing on her bed, even though the pad was fresh. That was a first for me... aside from a couple of incidents right after I took her home, she's always understood that pee goes on the pad, not around the house. I'm assuming she was just marking her territory? I read about possible triggers and I don't think those others apply... we'll see if she does it again (hope not). In the meantime I'm going to read that "After You Get Your Puppy" manual and see if there's something in it that I haven't read before. 

I think she's too big for an xpen (someone at the park thought she was either a really big Jack Russel or an 8 months old dog lol) so today after work I'm going to buy a crate and see if she can start Puppy Summer Classes even if it's a bit late for registration. Hopefully both things go well. 



cookieface said:


> If she's only 9 weeks old, she's not completely vaccinated (information on puppy vaccines: Puppy Vaccinations: Why Puppies Need a Series of Shots). If you haven't already done so, talk to you vet about the risk of disease in your area just to be safe.
> 
> And what Parus said about crates.


I don't know where you got the 9 from since she's 13 weeks old. I may not know how to perfectly handle the situation but I'm pretty sure I know whether my dog's vaccinated and cleared to be outside. At least give me some credit on that lol


----------



## ormommy (Mar 30, 2015)

If you look at 'started threads' in my profile, and how many of them are some 'major' crisis, you'll laugh.
Sleep deprivation does a number on you. I have seven children. I've pumped for a newborn who was a preemie. I thought I knew sleep deprivation. But it's different with a dog. You can't just attach them to your breast and snuggle back to sleep.
My pup is crate trained, so I couldn't understand why he didn't sleep well in the crate next to me. Well, after watching him sleep in his ex-pen, I see why. He stretches out and flops all over the place. Half the time he hangs half on, half off the bed. I highly recommend crate training. We use it for naps, car trips, places I've gone where I wanted to leave him somewhere safe and go potty. But we use our ex-pen set up a lot. He has his bed in there, some good chews, his water, and he's fed in there. It lets him see and be part of things but I can do stuff with the kids or clean up an unsafe mess. It's also his "time-out" area for nipping/playing too rough.
You might want to check this post...the articles and the e-book really helped me. 

Keep posting! I'd be in a corner sobbing without this forum's help. I've seen amazing dog/human relationships. It keeps me inspired.


----------



## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

Xpens are generally much larger than crates. My dogs have 36" long crates that are about 21" wide. The xpen is 48"x48" if set up in a square. They come in different sizes, but that is pretty standard in the US. Even the biggest crates are not that big.

I'm personally not a fan of pee pads because it's training the dog that it's ok to pee inside. I know there are some circumstances where they are extremely convenient or basically necessary (like a tiny puppy living on the 20th floor of an apartment building) but for most situations I wouldn't use them. I crate puppies at night (they are not likely to soil where they sleep) and just take them out frequently.


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

SO. 

After work I fork out $80 for a crate, get home, take Austen to the dog park, take her home, put Austen in the crate so I can take a decent TGIF shower, subsequently cry in the shower because she's whining and I feel like the worst person alive, and then, as I'm drying my hair, the bell rings. It's the shelter volunteer paying me a surprise visit to check up on Austen. The second she sees the crate she starts yelling at me to take the dog out of there, that I should be reported to the police for cruelty towards animals, that she's going to report me to the shelter and she's going to do everything she can to take Austen away from me. She wanted to take the dog with her but I literally cried and begged her not to, that I wouldn't use the crate anymore and that I just wanted to take a shower. In the end she quieted down and buggered off her merry way. 

I reckon that went well. 

I'm starting to think it's a cultural thing; I moved to Italy a little over 4 years ago and sometimes I still have troubles bridging over the cultural gap. None of the Italian people I know crate train their dogs... I've even asked the owners of the dogs Austen is doggie friends with. Maybe it's just an unusual thing? I don't know. All I know is tomorrow I'm taking the crate back to the store because I may be overwhelmed and having puppy blues but today I took Austen to the dog park and she was so ridiculously happy just faffing about that I don't want someone to take her away... adopting is already been hard enough, considering I live alone.



ormommy said:


> If you look at 'started threads' in my profile, and how many of them are some 'major' crisis, you'll laugh.
> Sleep deprivation does a number on you. I have seven children. I've pumped for a newborn who was a preemie. I thought I knew sleep deprivation. But it's different with a dog. You can't just attach them to your breast and snuggle back to sleep.
> My pup is crate trained, so I couldn't understand why he didn't sleep well in the crate next to me. Well, after watching him sleep in his ex-pen, I see why. He stretches out and flops all over the place. Half the time he hangs half on, half off the bed. I highly recommend crate training. We use it for naps, car trips, places I've gone where I wanted to leave him somewhere safe and go potty. But we use our ex-pen set up a lot. He has his bed in there, some good chews, his water, and he's fed in there. It lets him see and be part of things but I can do stuff with the kids or clean up an unsafe mess. It's also his "time-out" area for nipping/playing too rough.
> You might want to check this post...the articles and the e-book really helped me.
> ...


Thank you so much! I'm gonna dive into all the possible threads and see if I get some sanity back  This forum has already helped a lot. ALSO can I just say; my cat's name's Arwen and the cat that died last year was Thorin, and when I was little I named my brother's cats Frodo and Sam. I freaking LOVE Tolkien. 



elrohwen said:


> I'm personally not a fan of pee pads because it's training the dog that it's ok to pee inside. I know there are some circumstances where they are extremely convenient or basically necessary (like a tiny puppy living on the 20th floor of an apartment building) but for most situations I wouldn't use them. I crate puppies at night (they are not likely to soil where they sleep) and just take them out frequently.


I would really like to remove the pad because I'm afraid she'll learn that peeing inside is fine, but at the same time she doesn't really "tell" me when she needs to go? I take her out four times a day, and every time she does her business, but there's at least one pad that goes to waste because she pees inside... I seriously don't know what to do about that :/ I'm hoping it gets better as time goes on? Because frankly 4 walks are exhausting me a bunch as it is, especially considering I haven't been sleeping much and naps are a thing of the past.


----------



## notgaga (Oct 25, 2014)

I don't think she was marking her territory when she peed in the middle of the night, she's just very young and very new to your expectations. 

I only bought pee pads the first day I had my puppy, but I never really used them as targets for going potty. I just woke up 2-3 times a night and carried her outside so she could pee since puppies have no bladder control, necessitating frequent bathroom trips. I didn't want her to pee on the pads and then generalize to carpet or just going inside. It was a pain in the butt, but so was pretty much everything else at the stage so I just powered through. 

My pee pads did get used a lot though - they're excellent alternatives to paper towels when cleaning up messes (pee, water, alcohol, you name it).


----------



## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

kolnidur said:


> SO.
> 
> After work I fork out $80 for a crate, get home, take Austen to the dog park, take her home, put Austen in the crate so I can take a decent TGIF shower, subsequently cry in the shower because she's whining and I feel like the worst person alive, and then, as I'm drying my hair, the bell rings. It's the shelter volunteer paying me a surprise visit to check up on Austen. The second she sees the crate she starts yelling at me to take the dog out of there, that I should be reported to the police for cruelty towards animals, that she's going to report me to the shelter and she's going to do everything she can to take Austen away from me. She wanted to take the dog with her but I literally cried and begged her not to, that I wouldn't use the crate anymore and that I just wanted to take a shower. In the end she quieted down and buggered off her merry way.
> 
> I reckon that went well.


That is horrifying! Yes, there is a cultural difference with the crating thing. Sure, people can abuse it by locking dogs away in crates all day long, but used well they are a great tool. In order to attend a dog show or stay at the vet a dog needs to know how to be crated - so why is it cruel to teach them when they're young? I don't get it. I hope everything works out ok! Try an xpen. It will be twice as big and still give you a way to confine her. Another option is a small easily puppy proofed room like a bathroom.



> I would really like to remove the pad because I'm afraid she'll learn that peeing inside is fine, but at the same time she doesn't really "tell" me when she needs to go? I take her out four times a day, and every time she does her business, but there's at least one pad that goes to waste because she pees inside... I seriously don't know what to do about that :/ I'm hoping it gets better as time goes on? Because frankly 4 walks are exhausting me a bunch as it is, especially considering I haven't been sleeping much and naps are a thing of the past.


The thing is, puppies can't fully control their bladders until maybe 6 months. So by the time they have to go it's too late and they're already going. For a 13 week old puppy, I would be taking her out every 1.5 hours while you're awake. Basically every time after she eats or drinks a ton, after she wakes up from a nap, and after a play session. You just have to take them out so much that it becomes a habit to go outside. Some dogs never really tell you they need to go. Mine just goes out on a schedule and waits for the times he knows he will get to go out.


----------



## CrimsonAccent (Feb 17, 2012)

Ohhh you're in Italy. That explains a lot.

I don't mean that in a mean way, just. It seems like Europe is very anti-crate compared to the US as a general rule. I'm sorry she did that. You shouldn't feel guilty. There is a world of difference between being in a crate for 10-30 minutes and 22 hours.


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

See, this is why I think there's something wrong. All of you say the same thing but when I try it/I've tried it it just doesn't/didn't work. 

The thing is, she actually sleeps through the night (I'm the fussy sleeper so I wake up every time she moves). A solid 8/9 hours without using the pad. She mostly uses it if I'm at work or if she really needs to go between 1 pm and 3/3:30 pm (which is our pause between day walks). Otherwise she's fine. This morning we actually slept in until 7???? With no accidents????? She waited for me to put trousers and trainers on without peeing all over the floor, and we even got to her designated potty place before she went. 

I've tried doing the "take her out right after meals/waking up/every hour" thing but 1) she starts whining or pulling the leash or both 2) no matter how long we stay out and where (she has a couple of preferred potty locations) she just doesn't go. The entire situation was stressing me out so much that I decided to go out 5 times a day instead, and that's been working out rather well? Like, literally, I take her out right after a meal or after she's done playing and she's unbearable. 

This is what we usually do: 

6 am - 7/7:30 am 
11:30 am - 1 pm 
3 pm - 5:30/6 pm 
8 pm - 9 pm 
10:30 pm - 11 pm 

It's not that strict but that's generally the norm. Everyone is telling me I should take her out more and she shouldn't have that much bladder control but???? And sometimes she doesn't poop until the next walk. I don't know. Is this a medical problem? Did I screw something up? The vet said she's tip top, and I tend to trust her because she's really good with Austen, but idk. 



CrimsonAccent said:


> Ohhh you're in Italy. That explains a lot.
> 
> I don't mean that in a mean way, just. It seems like Europe is very anti-crate compared to the US as a general rule. I'm sorry she did that. You shouldn't feel guilty. There is a world of difference between being in a crate for 10-30 minutes and 22 hours.


Please, that's fine. Italy was a bit of a disappointment anyway. I'll just deal with the no-crate thing I guess.


----------



## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

I guess I don't see what the issue is. So usually she is fine on the schedule you have? Great, then stick to it. I'm confused as to why you think she might have a medical problem. 

Puppies are all different. One puppy will hold it for 1.5 hours and another will need to go out every 30min. She's not going to need to go every time after a meal or playing, it's a recommendation because that's usually when they have to go and end up having accidents. 

And as they grow they can hold it longer. A 13 week old puppy is going to go out less often than an 8 week old puppy.

There's no science for this. You have to figure out what your particular puppy needs. We're just recommending things since you said she had an accident and to me that means she needs to go out more often. It's possible her accident was just an accident, nothing more nothing less. They happen.


----------



## sassafras (Jun 22, 2010)

Every puppy is different. When Squash was a puppy I resorted to setting a kitchen time for every TEN MINUTES to take him out and that's when we really turned the corner for housetraining. Toast was completely different, he could easily go 30-40 minutes at the same age.

Just do what works for you. When people give advice, it's really guidelines for an average puppy. Then you adapt them to your individual puppy to make things work.


----------



## ormommy (Mar 30, 2015)

> See, this is why I think there's something wrong. All of you say the same thing but when I try it/I've tried it it just doesn't/didn't work.
> 
> The thing is, she actually sleeps through the night (I'm the fussy sleeper so I wake up every time she moves). A solid 8/9 hours without using the pad. She mostly uses it if I'm at work or if she really needs to go between 1 pm and 3/3:30 pm (which is our pause between day walks). Otherwise she's fine. This morning we actually slept in until 7???? With no accidents????? She waited for me to put trousers and trainers on without peeing all over the floor, and we even got to her designated potty place before she went.
> 
> ...


Am I understanding that you're walking her at those times, that, for example she's out on a walk between 6 am and 7? No wonder you're exhausted if that's the case. If that's a walk schedule I think an adult border collie might be happy 


When we say "take the puppy out more" we're talking five to ten minute jaunts to a potty spot, not a full out walk. I took my puppy out every hour at first, then he could handle 2 hours and after a couple of incidents, we learned he had learned to whine and go out. Now we're at 'mostly' 3 hours.

I may have read your post wrong, but just in case...


----------



## kolnidur (May 28, 2015)

I guess I've just been getting so much condescending and contradicting IRL advice ("no, you're doing it wrong, this is what you have to do") that at this point I'm just confused and overwhelmed in general, and don't know what to do anymore. 



ormommy said:


> Am I understanding that you're walking her at those times, that, for example she's out on a walk between 6 am and 7? No wonder you're exhausted if that's the case. If that's a walk schedule I think an adult border collie might be happy
> 
> 
> When we say "take the puppy out more" we're talking five to ten minute jaunts to a potty spot, not a full out walk. I took my puppy out every hour at first, then he could handle 2 hours and after a couple of incidents, we learned he had learned to whine and go out. Now we're at 'mostly' 3 hours.
> ...


The actual walks are the 11 am one (we usually walk for a bit, sit on a bench, play with other dogs) and the 3 pm one (park or just walking around, taking the tram, etc). The rest of the time I just take her out to pee, and we stay out for about 10 minutes. Yesterday someone told me I take her out too much and shouldn't have a dog lmfao. That's the kind of comments I tend to get around here, so it's not helping. 

I'll just stick to the routine and see what works best. Hopefully the blues and confusion will go away sooner or later.


----------



## Willowy (Dec 10, 2007)

> I don't know where you got the 9 from since she's 13 weeks old. I may not know how to perfectly handle the situation but I'm pretty sure I know whether my dog's vaccinated and cleared to be outside. At least give me some credit on that lol


They might have different protocols in Italy, idk. In the US, the general recommendation is that the last vaccination be given after 16 weeks, because before that there might be some maternal antibodies making their bodies not respond properly to the vaccine. 

And I think we thought 9 weeks because you said you got a 2-month-old puppy a week ago .


----------



## eduller (Apr 16, 2015)

I guess everyone has already said it, but it is totally normal and it gets easier. I got Bingo at 9 weeks, and he's now 18 weeks and everything is great. The first 2 weeks though I was a nervous, insane, wreck. I cried every morning on the way to work for no reason I could discern. I felt more stressed and out of control of my own life than I did when I had an actual newborn human. I thought over and over about taking him back. It was a HUGE adjustment. The constant vigilance, the constant thinking I was going to mess him up by not socializing him properly, socializing him too much, giving him the wrong food, using the wrong shampoo, not enough exercise, too much exercise, giving him enough attention, not giving him enough downtime, and the list goes on.

Then one day it was okay. Seriously, it was like a switch flipped overnight and everything felt fine and controlled. Bingo's now a happy, adjusted 18 week old puppy. He is house trained. He knows sit, stay, lay, roll over, leave it, come, walks on a leash, doesn't chew anything he's not supposed to (unless my daughter leaves her toys laying out), he is friendly and loves everyone he meets and wants to play with every dog he meets. He has greatly lessened the constant nipping (playfully, but still not great) at hands and at my daughter and at shoes and ankles, etc. Basically, I've adjusted my life, my family, and my expectations of myself to fit him. It gets better, and then one day it's great and you can't imagine going back to "normal" life anymore.


----------

