# What negative effects do loud arguments have on a puppy?



## wongboyui (Dec 15, 2013)

A few people on this forum know about my Tofu already. He is a 13 week old maltese/poodle mix whom I love very much. However, this question is not entirely about him...

I have a friend who lives with her boyfriend. They have adopted a 13 week old maltese/shih tzu mix not long after I brought Tofu back to my home. I bring Tofu to her apartment a couple times a week and the two puppies play with each other very well. They are like "blood brothers" and we call them "the bros" lol.

My friend and her boyfriend argue a lot. They even argue in front of me or in public sometimes. From what she tells me, their fights are a lot worse when they are alone in their apartment to the point that they are shouting at each other and throwing things. I have noticed that their puppy is a little more skittish than mine and that he jumps at every little noise. I am not sure if this is just a personality difference. When the couple does argue in front of me (and the two pups), they run to a particular corner of the room and just cuddle. The maltese/shih tzu often shakes a little as well when in the corner.

I searched online for this, but I couldn't find anything. Does anyone know how this may affect the development and trust of their puppy? I am a little worried that Tofu may also be affected negatively by their loud outbursts.


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## d_ray (Nov 5, 2013)

wongboyui said:


> A few people on this forum know about my Tofu already. He is a 13 week old maltese/poodle mix whom I love very much. However, this question is not entirely about him...
> 
> I have a friend who lives with her boyfriend. They have adopted a 13 week old maltese/shih tzu mix not long after I brought Tofu back to my home. I bring Tofu to her apartment a couple times a week and the two puppies play with each other very well. They are like "blood brothers" and we call them "the bros" lol.
> 
> ...


I don't know much about this, but I can't imagine it being good for the dog. Can you talk to them and ask them to avoid fighting when your dog is there? I wouldn't want my dog in that sort of environment. Dogs are extremely perceptive and I could see this type of environment causing aggression and/or fear in a young dog.


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## wongboyui (Dec 15, 2013)

d_ray said:


> I don't know much about this, but I can't imagine it being good for the dog. Can you talk to them and ask them to avoid fighting when your dog is there? I wouldn't want my dog in that sort of environment. Dogs are extremely perceptive and I could see this type of environment causing aggression and/or fear in a young dog.


Thank you for your reply! I don't think that it is good for any dog either... I know that loud domestic arguments are bad for children and their psychological development so I want to think that it is bad for the puppies as well. I have told her that it is not ideal to be fighting in front of me, but she feels very bad about it. She says something along the lines of, "I don't want to be shouting either. It is embarrassing, but I can't stop it. Once he and I fight, it just escalates and I really hate it."

I think she tries to control it when others are around hence why the fighting is worse when the couple is alone. But somehow it just blows up in everyone's face. I just fear that their puppy will have aggression issues (and fear issues as well). What goes on between the couple is ultimately between them and I can't do much other than listen and be there for her when it happens, but I feel like I should make her aware that her puppy might also be affected.

If you have any more insight, I would love to hear it. This has been bothering me for a little while now.


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## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

I'm sure it's not good for the pup, especially as puppies often go through fear periods where they are more sensitive to things. Some puppies love yelling and roughhousing, while others are much softer and can be very unnerved by people yelling (even in play).


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## wongboyui (Dec 15, 2013)

elrohwen said:


> I'm sure it's not good for the pup, especially as puppies often go through fear periods where they are more sensitive to things. Some puppies love yelling and roughhousing, while others are much softer and can be very unnerved by people yelling (even in play).


That may explain the shaking... When things start to get tense before the shouting starts, their puppy will run to the corner. I wonder if this is because he knows what will ensue: screaming and objects flying... Tofu will just follow him and keep him company, but he doesn't get alarmed until the screaming starts.

Do you think this may be out of my hands? I am thinking of having her bring her puppy over to my house instead... WITHOUT the boyfriend.


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## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

wongboyui said:


> That may explain the shaking... When things start to get tense before the shouting starts, their puppy will run to the corner. I wonder if this is because he knows what will ensue: screaming and objects flying... Tofu will just follow him and keep him company, but he doesn't get alarmed until the screaming starts.
> 
> Do you think this may be out of my hands? I am thinking of having her bring her puppy over to my house instead... WITHOUT the boyfriend.


There's not much you can do about their relationship, but you can definitely keep your pup out of their way (or just leave when the fighting starts) and invite her to come over with the pup and without the boyfriend.


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## HollowHeaven (Feb 5, 2012)

I would imagine it affects them in a similar way that it would affect a child. They may not know what's going on, it may not be directed at them, but mom and dad fighting, and it's scary. 

It's a good way for the dog to become a nervous wreck. And it's not good for your friend either. I don't think I could stay with someone who I fought with that much, to that degree. No way.


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## wongboyui (Dec 15, 2013)

HollowHeaven said:


> I would imagine it affects them in a similar way that it would affect a child. They may not know what's going on, it may not be directed at them, but mom and dad fighting, and it's scary.
> 
> It's a good way for the dog to become a nervous wreck. And it's not good for your friend either. I don't think I could stay with someone who I fought with that much, to that degree. No way.


That is what I am thinking too, so thank you for sharing your opinion! I am sure her poor puppy is scared and confused... It is not my dog, but I do hope that her pup will still come out of it confident and self-assured. I am sure that it is not good for my friend either. I have watched her self-esteem drain itself in this relationship, and even though she comes to me to vent, she never comes to me for guidance. I have shared my opinion... that I don't think a relationship is healthy if it is constantly making you feel bad... but she has chosen to stay in it. 

I can go on and on about her relationship, but this is a dog forum and I don't want to get caught up talking about non-doggy things. I think that inviting her over to my place for our puppy play dates will be a good idea. I can be assured that there will not be that kind of negative energy and it can also get her out of her apartment. I think it would be good for her and the puppy to take a breather from her place every now and then.


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## jsca (Dec 10, 2013)

I have no idea about the long term effects it has on a dog's behavior, psyche, etc. all i can say is that it _definitely_ effects them negatively. me and my husband got in one fight while we've had our puppy, and my god did i feel awful. i didn't realize it at first, but she had ran and hid and the poor thing peed on herself. this is a dog that had only ever had two accidents (which were my fault) in the house. she's also by nature a very confident puppy to begin with. me and my husband don't fight often at all, so of course a quick clean up and some reassurance and a nap and she was fine, but i can't even imagine what type of dog she would turn out to be like if this was even a somewhat frequent occurrence.

if it were my dog, i'd without a doubt keep him away from your friends house.


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## packetsmom (Mar 21, 2013)

wongboyui said:


> A few people on this forum know about my Tofu already. He is a 13 week old maltese/poodle mix whom I love very much. However, this question is not entirely about him...
> 
> I have a friend who lives with her boyfriend. They have adopted a 13 week old maltese/shih tzu mix not long after I brought Tofu back to my home. I bring Tofu to her apartment a couple times a week and the two puppies play with each other very well. They are like "blood brothers" and we call them "the bros" lol.
> 
> ...


It doesn't sound like a healthy environment for the humans and I would guess that it could cause stress for a dog as well. If they're going to fight, perhaps they could put the dog in another room with some music on, in a crate with a treat? Ultimately, though, I'd think the long term effects on the people themselves would be reason enough to seek counseling or end the relationship. Life is just too short to spend it making each other miserable.


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## wongboyui (Dec 15, 2013)

Thank you to you both for the replies and the insight!

I am more than convinced that I am not overreacting now and that it definitely is not the best thing for their pup. I hope that they do get a mediator to discuss problems between each other or even a counselor to help them understand why they react to each other the way they do. I can tell that they have a lot of resentment towards each other.

@packetsmom
That would be an ideal situation to have their pup away and in a cozy environment if they have to fight, but I think that the escalated fights are an indication that the couple does not have much control when the situation breaks out. As my friend puts it, it "just happens and (she) does not know how or why it gets as bad as it does". With that in mind, I think that it might be too much to ask of them. If they let the fights get that bad in the first place, I don't suppose that they can stop and put the dog in a crate or be aware enough to stop in the middle to make sure the dog feels safe.


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## Gogoclips (Apr 27, 2013)

The fighting definitely affects dogs, especially puppies. When my husband and I are in a fight, the dog quietly slinks away to his bed and lays there until it's over. And this is without yelling. He can sense the tension in the room and tries to avoid it. He is not a skittish kind of dog, he is a very in-your-face dog, do you know a fight isn't very pleasant for him. For a 13 wk old puppy who is already pretty skittish, the fighting is probably making it worse. I do like the idea of the puppy having a comforting space to be in when the fighting happens. Maybe the couple can put a cozy cave bed or a crate in the corner that the puppy typically gravitates to when fights break out.


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## Crantastic (Feb 3, 2010)

I agree with the others -- it'll be better if you have your friend and her pup over to your place instead of going to her place. If you do visit her and she and the boyfriend start to fight, get your dog and leave (if I were in this position, I might actually take both dogs and calmly say something like, "The pups and I are going out until things cool down"). You don't need to say anything bad about the boyfriend or tell your friend what to do. She will get the idea once you start avoiding the boyfriend and leaving if the arguing starts up. Hopefully she will leave this guy at some point.

You could also try calmly and rationally pointing out that her pup seems afraid when it hears the fighting and that you're worried about its development. Don't blame, but just... alert her of the problem, I guess.


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