# Should old owners be allowed to visit their surrendered pet?



## majyq (9 mo ago)

We rescued (well, the family asked us to take him) a VERY good looking pug, Frank. We have now had him a year. To be fair, they asked us to take him because the wife was SUPREMELY allergic. What I think the issue REALLY was is because he marks. CONSTANTLY. I'm still working on that. I've been reading everything I can get my hands on. I think it's more a reaction to stuff he doesn't like/change. Not sure, but it's going to take more time/training on mainly my part.
That being said, the mother of the woman that was extremely allergic to Frank keeps asking to see him. She wants to bring her grandbabies, all of whom LOVED Frank (they asked if he could come to their birthday parties; we didn't take him). 
It's been a year. Good idea or no? We are also moving across the country; she ADORED Frank. I don't want to be a dick, but is this good for Frank?? I want what's best for him.
Obligatory pic of Frank included.


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## Toedtoes (Sep 25, 2021)

Are you friends with them? Or do you have a relationship where upsetting them could potentially be harmful to your family (socially or financially)?

If no to those, under the circumstances you state, I would personally just be too busy to take their calls, etc.

If you do talk to them, just say "No". No excuses, no explanations - those only give them room to wear you down.

Honestly, if the grandmother is fine coming to visit the dog, then she could have taken him in (if she had her own home). If she lives with the allergic woman, then her visiting Frank is going to create an allergic reaction if the woman is _that_ allergic.

As to whether it's good for Frank or not, it could go either way. As a foster, I've petsat after the dog got a home and it really just squared things up for the dog. Every time, the new owners said the dog became more bonded with them. I call it the Sally Field attitude - when the dog comes to stay with me, he thinks " oh OK, I'm back at this home. It's OK, I'll be fine" and then the owners come to get him and he's all "you LIKE me!!! You really really LIKE me!"

On the other side, if the family is really pushy, demanding, and/or were not a good home, it could cause stress to Frank, or cause stress to you which causes stress to Frank.

I have happily provided emailed updates after 6-12 months to a prior owner, foster or shelter, letting them know how the pet has settled in. And will send a photo along showing the animal having fun in their new life. But I've never had them ask to see the animal once the rehoming has taken place - that's pretty much considered over the top unless it's a contractual welfare check. Asking to have the dog attend family events is very much inappropriate.


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## majyq (9 mo ago)

Oh thank you so much! The mother of Frank's previous owner does live with them. I'm 100% sure that Frank was well taken care of. They had a little sweater on Frank when we took him; they gave us his favorite blanket and his favorite toy. He is such a good boy! His marking I have to work on; I've seen a lot of stuff about behavior experts here, so I'll dive into those.
I love Frank. He is such a personable dog, I know he remembers those kids. I want him to be happy.
To be honest, we also "acquired" a Chihuahua. The family asked us to watch her for a week and never came to collect her. Six months later, the owners brought their daughter to see the dog. It was majestic yet horrible. They ran at each other in slow motion. I could tell my Chihuahua (Mollydog) was distressed. She was upset for months afterwards.
That's not a fair statement for Frank, though. But I feel as though you have it right; no, you cannot see my dog, but I will be happy to continue to update you on the his health/life.

Thank you so much!! This has bothered me since we took him!

Obligatory pic of Frank attached.


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## majyq (9 mo ago)

Not sure why that pic was flagged; literally Frank laying next to me.


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## Toedtoes (Sep 25, 2021)

Frank is a cutie!! Obviously named for Men in Black. 

I wouldn't actually offer to keep them updated - that will just encourage them to keep contacting you. Maybe 6-12 months after you move, you can use a throwaway email address and send them an update to "just let you know he's doing great". Otherwise, try to distance yourself from them enough so they don't feel invited to intrude on your life with Frank.


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## RonE (Feb 3, 2007)

When I got married, my wife was extremely allergic to dogs (as in ER emergency visits with days of followup inpatient stays on oxygen,) including my rescued Irish setter, Brandy. So Brandy went to live with my parents, about 50 miles away.

At first, Brandy, (who could climb six-foot fences with little effort) would escape regularly and be picked up well in her way back to my house. But after a couple weeks of living with a pair of retired dog-lovers who adored her and treated her like royalty, she re-evaluated her situation. 

I visited regularly on weekends - autstensibly to see my parents - and while Brandy was always glad to see me, she showed absolutely no interest in going with me when it was time to leave.

I suppose it depends on the dog, but in Brandy's case, since she was pretty pleased with her new living arrangements, she showed no distress at being reminded of her old one. Reunions were always happy for both of us.

By the way, my wife went through years of allergy shots and, after 14 years of marriage, we were able to get our first family dog - a 116 pound black lab who shed like it was his life's mission. We have had one or more dogs continuously ever since.


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## storyist (Sep 19, 2019)

I'm with Toedtoes, I wouldn't allow it.


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