# Training, inconsistencies and family members



## Sficciolo (Apr 29, 2016)

So this is a bit of rant as well as a general question. 

Here's the rant. When my partner and I agreed to get a dog, and we adopted Jago from the shelter, we made a deal. I would take care of basic obedience and housebreaking, as well as of walking him in the morning. My partner would walk him in the evening, give a helping hand in general and of course enjoy the awesomeness of living with him. This is because: A) I'm currently working from home, so I'm home most of the time, while he's working outside all day. B) I have grown up with family dogs, and I took care of basic obedience training for two of them. I am no trainer by any means, but I have some experience. 

Fast forward. Yesterday I'was going out to buy a new leash for Jago, my partner offered to do it. I insist that he buys a fabric or nylon leash, he says 'OK'. He comes back with a thin, metal chain leash. Jago is not a heavy dog, but he is a bull/beagle mix and has a very strong build, so I raise my eyebrow. My partner tells me that the guy at the pet store ensured him that 'this is a good leash, and is very good for training'. I raise both my eyebrows (people at the pet store here know NOTHING about dogs. I had to explain the shop assistant how a KONG works last time I was there). 

So this morning I go walk Jago to a kind of dog play area. I go with his treats. We work on leash walking and once at the play area, some recalls when he's sniffing around or far away. Everything goes great. Until a dog owner comes with a giant pit bull with a choke collar. I immediately call Jago and put him on his leash. However, he gets crazy when he sees dogs, he pulls, the leash breaks in two. I grab him and take him out of the dog area. 

The rest of the walk home is a nightmare. He doesn't understand why he's not allowed to sniff around as usual, as I have to walk him on the few centimeters of leash that stay attached to his harness. He hasn't still learnt to 'let go' when I think he's had enough sniffing or a cat is around. So the whole thing is a nightmare, with me trying to walk him gently while he feels an ever-tense leash without understanding why.

This is only the stroke that broke the camel back. Besides the leash episode, my partner often deliberately uses other commands to try and make Jago do things, and the result is that the dog gets confused. For example, I asked him to use a 'ah-ah' sound when he bits during play, but he keeps keeping doing this 'NO BITES!' thing, as if Jago was someone who just doesn't understand the language correctly. He lets him crawl on his lap on the couch, which is a behaviour that we decided was not OK (he is now 15 Kg at 6 months, how are we going to explain to him that this is not OK when he's a 25 Kg dog jumping on people's laps?). Then when he sees Jago behaving good (staying when he's asked to or getting off the couch) he's all like 'such a good doooog'. Sure, cause I worked hard (while he was not there) being consistent and reinforcing good behaviors. Let me not even start on the 'being too tired' to walk him at nigh, which always leads to me walking him at night. I can't seem to get him to understand that this is for Jago's sake as well as for the sake of our house. And that tired of not, the dog must go out. Every night. For like the next 15 years.

This is not the first time this happened, and not only with my partner. The training of the previous two family dogs that I took care of, a GSD and a lab, was consistently undermined by my sisters. The GSD came up well trained nonetheless (my theory is that he basically trained himself  ), but the lab is getting borderline schizophrenic, thanks to things like them playing with him in areas of the house he's not supposed to have access to (just to chase him after the play session), or petting him while telling him not to do something. Everytime I go back home I find he's partially forgot many things and he's super confused. A shame, as he's a super intelligent dog with an amazing pedigree and titled parents. 

So my question is: how on hell do you deal with other people living in your household when you're trying to train your dog and everyone gets in the way? I tried to explain that consistency is good for the dog, and it's not me being a dog-nazi, but the answer is usually some on the line of 'but he likes it soooooo much'. Let's talk about that when he's an adult dog that doesn't understand why people are not allowing him behaviors that were abundantly rewarded before. 

What do you guys do? Should I try to get him more involved in his training (although I tried, but he gets bored after two repetitions or once the dog does wrong) or should I just avoid him giving orders to Jago until he has a solid obedience base? How do you cope without ruining the relationship with your family members and/or your dog? 

Sorry for the long rant (which in a way is what is keeping me from jumping at my boyfriend's throat).


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## SnarkHunter66 (Apr 30, 2016)

I don't know... Maybe try talking to him one more time, couching it in terms of 'if this were our child, would you constantly undermine my authority so we wind up with an obnoxious brat that nobody likes?' You could also try posting the accepted commands on the frig and tell him dogs need to be taught our language and using different words defeats the purpose of teaching the dog that 'sit' means 'sit' and not crawl into my lap or sprawl on the floor. Calmly tell him if he's not interested in backing up your training or honoring his agreement regarding walking the dog in the evening, then leave the dog alone.


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## elrohwen (Nov 10, 2011)

For the most part, I let it go. It's really not worth starting arguments most of the time. If my husband clearly wants advice or help I help him of course, but otherwise I stay out of his interactions with the dogs. Dogs are pretty good at differentiating between people and figuring out which behavior is allowed. They come when I call but almost never when he calls - oh well! As long as they listen to me I'm happy.


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## CptJack (Jun 3, 2012)

elrohwen said:


> For the most part, I let it go. It's really not worth starting arguments most of the time. If my husband clearly wants advice or help I help him of course, but otherwise I stay out of his interactions with the dogs. Dogs are pretty good at differentiating between people and figuring out which behavior is allowed. They come when I call but almost never when he calls - oh well! As long as they listen to me I'm happy.


This.

I don't argue or wrestle with my husband about things. The dogs know the difference. They listen to me - come when I call, follow commands, don't jump on me, walk nicely on leash etc. That they jump all over him, mug him for his food, and general act like heathens with him is his issue/problem and what he has 'trained' (unintentionally) them to do. It doesn't impact my relationship with them at all Yeah, maybe at early stages it makes things a little harder but overall only a little and only for a little while. 

And he knows where I am if he wants help. He doesn't. Ergo, he can work out what kind of relationship he has with the dogs on his own. He's clearly happy being jumped on, nagged for food, and having dogs pulling on the leash and that's his business. 

The ONLY time I would even consider getting involved was if he was being harsh/mean and either hurting or scaring him but he is not at all that kind of person and never has been so I mostly just... don't interfere.


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## druvarh (May 3, 2016)

elrohwen said:


> For the most part, I let it go. It's really not worth starting arguments most of the time. If my husband clearly wants advice or help I help him of course, but otherwise I stay out of his interactions with the dogs. Dogs are pretty good at differentiating between people and figuring out which behavior is allowed. They come when I call but almost never when he calls - oh well! As long as they listen to me I'm happy.


^Agreed.

It's not worth getting into. Dogs are pretty adaptable when it comes to dealing with other people. My wife tends to use different commands as well but instead of viewing it as an inconsistency, it's another form of training for both the dog and my wife. She gets the satisfaction in training a command (which I already taught but let's keep that a secret) and the dog learns to adapt to a new handler. Win-Win situation. Often times, I teach my dogs the same command with different words. i.e. down/platz, sit/zaum, etc...


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## Hiraeth (Aug 4, 2015)

I agree with everyone, and I got the same advice from the lovely members of this forum when I was having issues with a family member teaching my dog bad habits a few months back. For the most part, I've let things go. I don't bother telling him when he repeats commands five times in a row that it's wrong, or that the dog stands on the couch and hovers over him because he feeds the dog scraps when he's sitting there eating. It's just not worth the hassle.



SnarkHunter66 said:


> Calmly tell him if he's not interested in backing up your training or honoring his agreement regarding walking the dog in the evening, then leave the dog alone.


That being said, there was one thing I absolutely put my foot down about, and it was allowing my dog to be out in front when on walks. I could tell when someone besides me had walked him because the walk directly after he had been allowed to walk out front, he would pull like a train and would not be responsive to my commands. LLW is very important to me because of the size of my dog, so I had to put my foot down. The conversation basically went "if you're not going to lure him into an appropriate heeling position and enforce him staying there, don't walk him. Period."

And now I'm the only one who walks him, which is fine by me.


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## Sficciolo (Apr 29, 2016)

Thanks everyone for the very useful answers!


> For the most part, I let it go. It's really not worth starting arguments most of the time. If my husband clearly wants advice or help I help him of course, but otherwise I stay out of his interactions with the dogs. Dogs are pretty good at differentiating between people and figuring out which behavior is allowed. They come when I call but almost never when he calls - oh well! As long as they listen to me I'm happy.





> And he knows where I am if he wants help. He doesn't. Ergo, he can work out what kind of relationship he has with the dogs on his own.


Thanks for this elrohwen and CptJack, I definitely hadn't seen things from this point of view. 
As soon as I read yours and the other answers suggesting to let go, I felt like 'yes, let him deal with the dog on his own'. This is also so much easier for me, as I don't have to always look at him and 'correct' him. 
The important thing is: Jago behaves with me. 

However, I do insist that he walks him at night. I cannot walk him every-night, and one of the points in the agreement was that he would walk him at night. So he must stick to it if he loves the dog and wants him to stay with us. 


> The conversation basically went "if you're not going to lure him into an appropriate heeling position and enforce him staying there, don't walk him. Period."


I'll keep this example in mind, and I will surely adopt it if the boyfriend does some big faux pas.


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## PatriciafromCO (Oct 7, 2012)

I let my DH have and enjoy his relationship with the dogs /animals, that is who my DH is and who the animals see him as.... I'm a different person and have and enjoy my relationship being myself with the animals.. If they pick up a bad habit from DH you can't punish the animals for it... (that is where the confusion and stress for the animal will come from, if you punish them for it.. So don't) If the behavior is not what you want, then guide them what to do instead in order to get your reward and approval .. The animals pick up who we are as individuals.. As so long as no one is putting them in danger or harms way... or as you felt trying to undermined your relationship with the dog there is really nothing to say.. I'm happy they get along with each other so well.. if not I would have to get rid of DH...


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